Uncomfortable realisations about yourself

[Casperandme]

I've had a couple of these recently, things I've realised about myself that are uncomfortable but at the same time things I wish I'd realised many years earlier.

In particular:

• there are all of these altruistic things I think I want to do one day but it's all bullshit, I don't actually want to, I just fancy myself the sort of person that would want to if that makes sense.
• I'm a gossip and I need to stop.

What are yours?

I have no interest in adventurous (or even non-adventurous) travel anymore. But I pretend to myself, and others, that I do. I don’t enjoy holidays with my family and I’m finding reasons not to book them even though it makes me feel like a rubbish parent.

I don’t love my job anymore. It’s creative, well respected, good pay and I get choose my hours and projects. I’m lucky to have it because I’m not nearly as clever or talented as I used to think I was. But I’d give it up in a heartbeat if I could as I’m not ambitious. (DH health issues and resulting precarious job situation means this isn’t an option for a long, long time).

I hate housework and can think of a million things more interesting to do. I tell the kids we’re bohemian but the truth is I’m lazy and would rather be lying on the sofa reading and eating a Fry’s chocolate cream bar while listening to opera blasting out (but can’t, see above).

A small number of people matter hugely to me but much of the time I prefer to be alone for long periods. Yet I still people please and socialise when I’d much rather not. To the people I truly care for, I am loyal, loving and supportive. But remember that intense heart to heart where you thought I was a good listener? I was mentally mulling over whether to have baked spuds for tea.

Very few people have ever seen me lose it but in reality I can be a very angry person. I’m learning to realise it’s not necessary to be good all the time. Underneath the calm is someone who sometims wants to howl at the moon.

My antisocial side is becoming much stronger as I get older, as is my craving for quiet/silence. Thank god DP isn’t talkative.

I can be snobby when I really have nothing to be a snob about.

My life is a complete mess. It’s an embarrassment.

Recently I’ve also been having serious doubts as to whether I’m cut out to be an adult. The older I get the more bitter I’m becoming that I don’t have what everyone else does. My life hasn’t progressed since my mid teens and I’m now at the stage in my life that my peers are getting married and starting families and my jealousy is eating away at me. I fast coming to realisation that I’m never going to have a family of my own or have a steady relationship. I really don’t think I have it in me.

I’m 59 and, apart from my sister, I don’t have anyone to confide in.
My 38 year marriage, which I have just left, was a complete sham.
I have enabled my DC - and not in a good way.
Basically I feel like I have failed.

@TheBookThief we should be in the same self help group

I'm a lazy fat anxious procrastinator too.

But Im not that judgemental and bitchy because deep deep down I don't really give a crap about anyone except closest family.

There's no amount of money in the world that would make me feel secure enough.

I love it if DH gets round to something before I do and then I say oh no leave it I was about to do it (we both know this is untrue)

I also love this thread

I am ridiculously attracted to men in power. The boss. I can smell them a mile away and always find them sexy. Suits are a total killer for me too.

I cannot resist flirting with them. I spent a 2 hour training session sat across from one of the bosses this week, turning at a certain angle to show off my boobs which he stared at for 2 hours

I'm clearly bonkers.

I have one more. I have mini crushes even though I'm married
Actually I have many more including that as I am becoming more suspicious in general and less charming than i used to be

Green :

You all have the opportunity to be the person you want to be - it requires a lot of hard work and effort and will take time - nothing happens overnight - give yourselves some slack and start loving yourselves which means talking to yourself kindly -

^^

I do talk to myself kindly. I do give myself slack. What I've divulged on here is a part of me, not the whole. I'm a good person, good mother, kind, charitable etc etc.

That's what you didn't get.

Some people have listed pros and cons to make it clearer that they admit to their faults and recognise their weaknesses.

It's fine to address and talk about your less-than-savoury side once in a while!

Love this Mumsnet confessional.

I'm smug about looking great at 41 after giving birth to DD at 40. Worked hard to lose the weight and my body is better than ever but I judge my fellow mum friends for not doing the same

I have a conventionally beautiful child (mostly because of interesting mix of heritages) and find that a point of immense pride although I pretend that I don't care of course. I will even complain if people comment on her looks and say something woke like "I don't think we should be centring on looks with little girls". If I'm alone and scroll through Facebook and someone posts a picture of their child which I find ugly, I'll say "Oh dear" loudly and sigh

I think I'm pretty damn smart and above average intelligent

I speak several languages fluently and I show off about it by speaking it immediately when a person speaking one of them is around. Preferably with audience and love lapping up compliments afterwards

I love gossip and like nothing more than a juicy secret to share with others, often under the guise of faux concern about those involved

I get a lot of compliments on my style and I pretend I don't care for them. I do massively and I'm gutted if I don't get a positive comment

I love subtly indicating affluence (I come from proverbial nothing and did relatively well so it's my raging insecurity)

I spend to make myself feel better

I think DP is a bit dim (especially in comparison with my towering multilingual intellect) and often eye-roll at him enjoying my superiority

I'm gender-critical but won't voice that when I know it won't land well (la lot of my circle are woke liberals)

I love being adored and popular. I gain it by being warm and engaged even with people who I don't like

I'm jealous of people who are popular and befriend them to "neutralise" them

I bear grudges easily and will sit on them for ages

I think rules don't apply to me as I'm special

Apart from that I'm all right

I’m not very forgiving and can bear grudges.

Since my dog died I’m eaten up with guilt about not taking her out enough- ie when I got home from work late and knackered- and not petting her more because I hated her licking my arm. I loved her so much but didn’t always show it as much as I should have; hate that I’ll never be able to change that now.

One of my oldest friends has aged very well and had lots of work done and now looks fantastic. Men look past me at her (complete reversal of when we were younger) and I hate it.... then hate myself for being such a bitch.

I also wee in the shower

I used to have an utterly vicious, relentless inner voice telling me how stupid, hopeless etc I was. One day I sort heard it properly and was appalled, and stopped. I am so glad I don't do that anymore. But I'm still not sure I like myself much, or at least I assume others won't so don't really make much effort.

I pretend to be interested in people when they talk about eating healthily, stuff like organic, root vegetables, vegan etc but it really, really irritates me and I think they are stupid for doing it.

I also get annoyed when people worry about what their children eat and how they sneak veg into their food. Oh and people who won't let their children drink Diet Coke and eat fast food.

I know I am unreasonable.

There's too much to say

I think I have anxiety and possibly depression. I can be very sociable when out with friends but when I’m at home I’d be quite happy to never have to leave the house again.

I often say the wrong thing and then analyse it in anguish for days afterwards. I’ve managed to upset a couple of friends in the past and just couldn’t see what I was doing at the time.

I’m a bit overweight but genuinely can’t be arsed to do anything about it now.

I spend far too much money on stuff I don’t need. I have a collection of stuff that sometimes I look at and love and sometimes I look at and think, why? I could sell it all and make a small fortune.

I worry that I’m not a good enough mum.

• I am much to conscious of what others think of me to the point it affects what I do and how I deal with my children. I sometimes wish I could let go and not care.

• I have no self control when it comes to food.

• I hate to be touched and I'm a complete prude.

It’s not advice as such I can identify with al! Of these - god knows how long I always thought there must be something wrong with me and if it wasn’t for the shit I’ve been through I probably still would - but I’m not out the other side yet but we make our own cage we make our own chains we make our own hell - only we can turn it around - only we can set ourselves free from our own shit! Part of the issue is most people think it’s someone else’s fault - and sometimes it is - if we all lived to our responsibility, if we all lived to our truth and this starts in ourselves, small changes can be made.

We are being encouraged to be more selfish but is this really the way - we can kid ourselves that we are disconnecting from this person for this reason or that reason but all we are doing is shutting ourselves down out of fear of being hurt if being judged of being seen what we are really like and being rejected. All we are really doing is rejecting ourselves - your body is telling you this through depression anxiety hoarding overeating shopping flirting - all these things we do to try and make ourselves feel better - but none of them will work we have t work on ourselves love ourselves from the inside and slowly these exterior things can be seen for what they real,y are!

Another one is that although I fake it with my mother, I'm not fond of her at all and most of what she says bores me stupid.

I'm also inwardly a bit sneery at friends who can't cope with stuff when I feel I've suffered much greater hardships (I do listen and nod while thinking ffs though).

I love my DP but it's mainly because he does lots for me, I find him quite dull.

I can't imagine men doing this.

What would they say?

Give yourselves a break! None of us are perfect, try your best and keep going forward.

Best wishes to you all.

I can't imagine men doing this.

I can but then again it seems like every man i have ever known has either an anxiety disorder or is depressed or both (not always diagnosed).

poster Moussemoose

lol I think most people wee in the shower!!

I really don’t think this thread was surpose to make me laugh so much!! See I’m just horrible but I can’t stop laughing!!

I always assume people are more stupid than me. Am a massive intellectual snob. But I am definitely not a clever as I used to think I was. I don’t care to listen to other people’s stories anymore as they bore me and I only like talking about myself. I enjoy the fact people are scared of me although they probably just dislike me. I really really don’t care for other people’s children and I think most people parent their kids really badly. Am super judgemental. Think most vegans are doughy and always ill so I can’t bear to be around them . I resent working mums who leave early to collect their kids but find SAHM’s boring and genuinely don’t get them. I am quite unpleasant overall. Good job I don’t dwell on it too much .

I don’t like any men really. Maybe one or two except for DH. I don’t respect them at all. I do tend to like most women I meet.
I prefer dogs to people. Often.

I overthink everything
I feel guilty all the time

I've been married to a man for 20 years who I love, but I'm sexually attracted to other women. This is more than girl crush stuff. And an uncomfortable realisation as I sometimes think of the other life I could have had.

I can't think of a single thing I'm actually very good at.

I'm very dependant on my DH and parents when it comes to making important decisions or sticky situations. I'm 46 but very childlike.

Im very vain and spent my 20s being centre of attention within my group of friends. My looks are fading fast.

I hate materialistic people but sometimes catch myself being materialistic myself.