Uncomfortable realisations about yourself

[Casperandme]

I've had a couple of these recently, things I've realised about myself that are uncomfortable but at the same time things I wish I'd realised many years earlier.

In particular:

• there are all of these altruistic things I think I want to do one day but it's all bullshit, I don't actually want to, I just fancy myself the sort of person that would want to if that makes sense.
• I'm a gossip and I need to stop.

What are yours?

This is a great thread. It's so reassuring to know that we all have our darker sides and everything is not as polished & wholesome as portrayed on social media after all.

I'm really lazy and will spend days off doing nothing productive at all. I'm a procrastinator and will put things off until they become a massive problem. I'm secretly pleased when I realise other people aren't perfect after all which makes this thread an absolute joy. I could go on all day... M

I find it hard to deal with responsibility in work situations. I hate responsibility, I have no desire to move up the work ladder because I don't want any responsibility for anything

I have absolutely no ambitions for myself, at all (may be related to the above), never have done, doubt I ever will do

I’m lazy and selfish
I’m jealous and secretly happy when things go wrong for others
I’m childish and annoying

I hate myself

I'm incredibly jealous and always feel the need to be "top dog". Im cynical and look for the worst or negative when it probably isn't even there.

This thread has been amazing

My anxiety makes me feel like the most awful and hateful person in the world and it's so refreshing to see that actually no one is perfect

I'm obnoxious and don't know when to STFU. Obviously I don't mean to be, but as I get older I am realising how rude I can come across. Especially after a few drinks. 

I’m a spoiler. I don’t like when things go smoothly or well so I deliberately try to ruin them. I don’t know why I do it.

I can’t make friends easily, and I can’t talk to the man I like unless I’m drunk.

I rely on my mother for everything.

I am lazy.

God, can you imagine what it would be like if everyone on this thread met up? It doesn't bear thinking about!

I think I should have nice stuff even though I don't earn enough money for it.
I think I'm morally superior to most people because of my job and lifestyle choices.
I look down on certain people.
I think that because I spent years travelling and took loads of drugs I am somehow more enlightened than others, I know I'm not.
I must be an okay person because people seem to want to be my friend.

(1) Take over conversations. I try not to do that now!! I hate it in others which is laughable really.

(2) I have a real problem with authority. I didn’t even realise it until I was complaining about my youngest DD and realised “OMG she’s actually a mini me”. Now that was a wake up call

I'm also quite lazy & a procrastinator but for some reason I give the impression of leading a very busy lifestyle which seems to impress people not sure why.

I am very, very happy in my own company and find being with anyone else for too long (even DH and DC) a bit of a strain if I don't get plenty of time on my own, and I do mean plenty ie: four or five nights a week minimum on my own. I really feel for people who say they only get an hour or so of 'me time' a week. I just couldn't cope with that. I deliberately work weekends so I can have time off in the week when DH is at work and DC at school .

I also spend far too much time on mumsnet (with all you other lazy feckers - seems we have found our soul-mates).

Op - are you me?

I will probably never manage to lose weight - I can keep a diet or healthy eating regime up for a while, but I always fail.

I know I am harming myself by eating too much of the wrong things, but I still don’t stop - it’s like a slow motion self harm.

I am horrible to myself.

OT but there are some very articulate bitches on this thread

I eat the wrong stuff that makes me ill and makes me put on weight but it's worth it for the taste when.it goes in.

This thread is great, I love a good vent!

I’ve sat here thinking about all the realisations I’ve had over the years, there are quite a few as I like to pick fault with myself anyway. (Another one!)

• I’m a forgettable friend. I’ve been told I’m a great friend and fun to be around by many people and I’ve had lots of wonderful friendships, but they’ve all had an expiration date. 80-90% of friends can no longer be arsed to keep me in their lives once we don’t see each other as much IRL due to moving or the like, and despite my getting in touch often I don’t hear from them.

I’m not sure if I’ve just got shitty taste in mates, or if I’m just a bit rubbish.

• I get very emotionally attached to men I fancy, and though I’d never do anything about it, I spend a ridiculous amount of time flirting with whoever my latest crush is. I imagine DH would be more than a bit hurt if he found out, especially as I know and have said I would be to him. I think I love the attention too much to stop, it’s like a weird addiction.

• I’ve got very high standards when it comes to relationships, and any issues are pretty much always blown out of proportion by me.

• I talk a lot. I have a lot to say and I like to be heard, I think that’s down to me being ignored a lot as a child.

• I’m actually very smart (and modest ) but my whole life I’ve failed to apply myself. I’m in an average job, which I like to a degree, but I don’t think I can be bothered doing any big changes now.

• I care too much about what people think of me, but outwardly you wouldn’t think so as I act very carefree. Sometimes the social anxiety is so awful that I make excuses and don’t leave the house, which in turn makes it worse.

Despite my flaws though I’m a decent person, I love and care very deeply and I’m actually a very good and attentive friend. I have a decent sense of humour, give good hugs and I am kind to people.

What’s not to love? 😂

I am vain and place a great deal of importance on male attention/ approval.
I find female friendships boring a lot of the time and would secretly prefer to be alone.

I have OCD intrusive thoughts that if they had any sort of platform in the real world would make me sound like a cross between Oswald Mosley and Sarah Palin even though in real life I embrace our pluralistic society, vote Labour, etc

^^

Me too. My inner dialogue is actually pretty different to how I present myself.

I have a short fuse right now (due to personal reasons)

I am far more upset than I should be at silver hairs , not grey, silver

People think I am so quiet and nice and I am most of the time but cross me and they see another side , alien to those whom know me

I sometimes smoke weed in the garden (but see issue 1, its temporary)and feel bad for smoking it so have more . Mad I know.

Thank You for this thread OP .

I need a lot of space and time to myself. Have got worse as I have got older. Therefore find being a wife and Mother hard and sometimes fantasise about living by myself.
I love my children and do my best, but tbh I'm not a child person and don't actually like children very much.
I get jealous of people who have Mums and Dads around who sing their praises and help them. We no longer have my MIL, my Mum died i 2002 and we are on round 4 of illness with my Dad after a very difficult 10 years with him and his partner.
I get jealous of people who are talented and have natural abilities as I have none. I got a good education but I am not natural, have had ups and downs ant work and am self-employed. Being self-employed is the best option for me as it fits around my kids (DH works shifts, no family around), but tbh it is a convenient excuse for me to not face going back to working with people again. I am scared after a horrible thing happening a couple of years ago and had more horrible things happen that knocked my confidence before I had kids.
I envy people with money
I can get drawn into bitching about people fairly easily, I genuinely try not to do this but have been known to do this about a Mum at school who boasts constantly on facebook and appears to have a perfect life.
I am socially a bit awkward partly cause I have facial blindness. I have however got some good friends but worry about being lonely when my last kid leaves primary.
I'm not a natural home maker
I eat too much cause I am often stressed and tired and love food. Luckily I'm not fat but I am a bit soft around the edges.
I resent people who have it easy and sometimes I'm not as sorry as I should be when things go wrong for them.
I want to be seen to be doing the right thing and care far too much about what others think.
I am not very patient
I cannot drive cause I totally panicked every time I took my test. Not proud of this it makes me feel backward and I'm sure some people judge me on it.
I struggle to hide it when I am upset and stressed. I can be a bit trance like when I've got stuff on my mind and have to fight this. Also have to fight against being self-centred when something big is going on, I once got pulled up on this when I was at uni and felt utterly shit.

I am quite lazy and quite uncompetitive and this means I’ll never be brilliant at anything.

I’ve got a really fucked up relationship with food and my body image is totally warped. Food and Weight is totally linked to acceptance for me. I don’t think this will ever change.

I don’t think my parents were cut out to be parents, or grandparents, and I want to scream at them for being so fucking selfish to bring three children into the world and then be so cold and unemotional towards them. (No abuse, just cold detachment)

Interesting thread!

I am:

Needy
Greedy
A snob
A spendthrift
Controlling
A person who likes my own way
Manipulative
A bit narcissistic
Impulsive
Intolerant of fools

I am also

Very loving
Giving
Warm hearted
Caring
Nurturing
Fulfilled
Happy
Skint

theyusedtocalltheblues These are more symptons of mental health issues than bad things about you. My SO is the same; he isolates himself because coping is sometimes beyond him and he doesn't want the risk.

My DP and I enable each others drinking. We're probably what people call 'functioning alcoholics', and it's ruining my health and looks, but I can't stop because I think I'm dull without it.

I'm fast realising freelance work isn't going to drop into my lap as I'm too old in a young persons industry and can't be arsed/too afraid of my lack of capability to do the requisite networking to generate work for myself.

I'm massively opinionated and intolerant about anything that doesn't serve a purpose that benefits me.

I make little or no effort to keep in touch with friends not in my immediate vicinity.