Uncomfortable realisations about yourself

[Casperandme]

I've had a couple of these recently, things I've realised about myself that are uncomfortable but at the same time things I wish I'd realised many years earlier.

In particular:

• there are all of these altruistic things I think I want to do one day but it's all bullshit, I don't actually want to, I just fancy myself the sort of person that would want to if that makes sense.
• I'm a gossip and I need to stop.

What are yours?

If someone complained about something or had a problem I always jumped in with advice rather than just empathising which is actually what we want, eg if you complain you are overweight you don't want someone telling you how far to run each day or what not to eat.

Upshot was no friends.
D M was an alcoholic and I grew up codependent, always trying to fix a shit situation. I'd read all the books but thought the codependency was within the family, realised verylate on that codependent nature affects all of your life. And that you have to change to stop it.

I always jumped in with advice rather than just empathising which is actually what we want, eg if you complain you are overweight you don't want someone telling you how far to run each day or what not to eat

Tbh I feel like I just need a friend to text me from time to time (would probably take more than six weeks tbh).

I'm lazy
I don't like being a parent. I often regret having children
I hate change and find it so scary that I avoid it even if I know I need it

I worry too much.
I talk too much at times.
I am a pessimist.
I moan too much.
I like to get my own way in my marriage and can act like a spoilt brat when I don't get what I want.
I am always looking for the next new and exciting 'thing'.
I am lazy at home.
My sense of humour can fall flat often and I just look like a twat.

I never think things through enough.

I give up on my goals to quickly because I hate the hard work.

I only really developed morally in my early to mid 20s and thus have many years of youthful indiscretions and regrets that I perpetually fear I will be judged on still now in my 30s.

I am selfish, lazy, vain and cold. There have been times in the past when I should have put my children first, and I didn't.

Openup41 I feel similar except that I didn’t grow up poor. My dad earned a very good wage and I grew up in a poor part of the country so I’m always comparing our relative need for thrift to the free and generous ways of my parents with money. I feel irrationally entitled to live in the manner to which I was accustomed even though it’s not like I ever worked for it.

I am perceived as aloof and I'm very happy with that.
I'm perfectly happy to make small-talk with a complete stranger in a lift or a shop - that type of brief human contact lifts my mood as it comes without any obligation. Chatting/small-talk with acquaintances is horrifyingly dull and I actively avoid it.

I have recently realised that my outlook on life was immature/adolescent until I was in my mid-20s .

I’m such a martyr. I went through quite a lot in my younger years and had to sacrifice my own feelings and it’s really stayed with me. I don’t voice it but whenever someone close to me complains I find myself thinking ‘look at everything I’ve been through and all the sacrifices I make and how shit life has been to me and I still keep going!’

I am generally a bit of a cowbag.
An unsmiling, naggy one.
Also extremely unkind to myself (see above) then go through cycles of "I must learn to love myself" even though I don't deserve it.

This is cathartic! I want to add a few things, now... I grew up relatively well off too and feel like I'm entitled to a certain lifestyle, although I am on near minimum wage at the moment. That brings me to my numerous degrees and how I chose them: They are pretty much useless for building a career and cost my parents a lot of money. I sometimes feel guilty and ashamed about it, but also feel like I'm entitled to drain my parents dry after the miserable childhood they gave me.

Due to that upbringing I didn't know myself much at all and thus drifted from course to course "searching for myself" and avoiding work, which I hate. I feel waful admitting it, but I wished that my parents died, so I could inherit. They screwed me up enough for me to not be independent, focused, confident, content and self loving individual, so I feel like that's the least they could do for me.

Despite us being wealthy, the money was never spent on things I wanted or needed. As a consequence, I looked awful, was resentful and sad. I'm still angry, feel "woe is me" and immature about some things. I, now, am making sure DD gets a fair input in decisions that concern her, e.g. clothing, hobbies, trips and food.

I am a spender and can't seem to be ever on the green financially. I am also someone with eating disorders and depression since the age of 12, as well as more recent prescriptiiyn drug addiction, which helps be feel warm and fuzzy despite my negative and scared personality.

I don't like DD with ASD much as she was a nightmare you the first 6 years of her life. It has drained me and I feel tired of trying to change her and I wish I hadn't been stupid enough to think I would be a good mother. Instead I'm selfish and lazy, and let DD play video games all day some days, to avoid having to actively engage with her. I spend the day in bed or on the sofa in my pyjamas and phone. I also resent her homework, as it demands of me trying to persuade her to keep trying when she refuses to work on it (maths in particular). We are both defeatist and give up if easily.

I’m very judgemental and think most people are total cunts tbh.

I think many of societies problems stem from absentee parenting. “I work because I want to” is one of my biggest triggers. I can’t bear parental selfishness - maybe your kid wouldn’t be such a rude shit/struggling at school if you put their needs above your love of money/work.

I can’t bear most other people’s children. Funnily enough the ones I can tolerate are the ones with involved parents.

I’m lazy. There’s so much I could do every day but I just can’t be arsed.

If I never have a job again it would be too soon. I’d rather live off benefits than have to interact with dicks on a daily basis.

I’m obviously just not a nice person at all. I give zero fucks about it. I am nice to people who aren’t arseholes, it’s just that number is tiny.

I am terribly lazy and procrastinate at anything.

Talk about myself too much/always have to have a say in other's stories about something I know similar.

Constantly need reassurance

Wallow in self-pity far too much

pumpastrotter that's weird I don't remember having that username...

Reading this thread some people have flaws I don't have and I come to the uncomfortable realisation that it makes me feel very happy to know that I don't have those particular flaws.

@DieAntword I think there are a few of us!

I'm way to impulsive and this is exacerbated when I drink too much. I drink too much. I'm actually a bit of a bitch

I spend too much time on my phone
I am lazy
I am so eager to please people that I end up looking stupid
I think I always want to learn new things but in reality I get obsessed for about 2 weeks then move on
I waste a lot of money on trivial shit
I think I know best as a parent and often moan at DH when really, he is as good a parent as me, maybe better.
I eat too much

This thread has made me realise that I'm not anywhere near as much of an arsehole as I always thought I was!

I can be reckless and duplicitous and feel a need to hide things. I also drink and spend too much.

And I'm very vain but not vain enough to lose weight

I'm heartened by how many here are at least trying to look like decent humans. The disparity might be significant, but, y know, fake it till you make it or long enough to get what you want

I am lazy and disorganised. I have a massive tendency for hoarding and feel that this could become a problem in the future. I could easily imagine myself on one those TV shows where you see people living in squalor.

I lack drive and ambition and get bored very easily.

I was pretty academic at school and know I'm clever. I find myself easily frustrated by people who don't have the same level of intelligence that I do. For example when I see ridiculous written as 'rediculous' or 'apauling' instead of appalling or there and their getting mixed up, I wonder how the hell they managed to get to adulthood and not know what is essentially primary school level literacy? I really struggle not to correct them....

Likewise, I have always had a huge thirst for knowledge and love reading and googling stuff and learning about new things. I get so bloody irritated by people who are just plain ignorant and have no interest in the world we live in.

Gosh, I sound awful don't I?