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Original poster

"But I've got four children"

95 replies

Bestseller · 16/10/2018 19:31

This is a line repeated numerous times a day by a colleague.

She's fairly senior, well respected and good at her job, but she seems to feel the need to use this excuse several times a day.

Most of the time there's no need for any excuse at all, she's doing a great job, but seems to use it to justify any small shortcoming (these are often in her imagination). She'll also use it if anything "extra" needs doing. Maybe a slightly late night, or picking something up at the weekend. These are things that are common in our line of work and generally accepted, we gain time at other times.

It annoys me. Everyone on the team has DC, but we're not as special, as we stopped at 2 or 3. It also winds me up when women use children as an excuse, I've always tried to carry on as normal at work, but maybe I should have expected more allowances for having a family.

If it makes a difference, her DH works PT and does the school runs and most of the domestic chores (which she also braggs about often).

Would you find this annoying too or am I being too touchy?

OP posts:

Caprisunorange · 16/10/2018 19:32

Everyone is probably thinking the same as you.

AnneLovesGilbert · 16/10/2018 19:33

It’s unnecessary and awkward. It was presumably her choice to have 4.

Clockwork95 · 16/10/2018 19:34

I would definitely find that annoying.

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Families

badg3r · 16/10/2018 19:35

Hmm yes she sounds irritating. Tbh though she sounds like she would be annoying kids or not.

MaisyPops · 16/10/2018 19:37

You're not being touchy.
I think workplaces could do with being flexible if possible for a range of reasons (e.g. elderly parents, kids, other reasons).

I also hate it when 'but kids' becomes a default explanation for anything.

As you've said OP, the rest of you are getting on just fine. Either she's one of those people who loves to make a fuss and act like their life is 10 times more difficult than anyone else's, or she's feeling a bit worried and self conscious so it trying to do a bit of pre-emptive (and possibly unneeded) deflection.

If it doesn't affect you doing your job (e g. You're not picking up the slack) then I'd be inclined to smile along, be polite and let it brush off.
If her endless excuses translates to you having to pick up extra work then I would have a chat with your manager and ask for guarantees that you will not be picking up the slack as that's unfair.

SquishySquirmy · 16/10/2018 19:37

I could see it would begin to grate if she is doing this all the time.
But I would think she is insecure, and being a bit defensive. Its not the most annoying habit in the workplace, but it is a bit annoying.

tbh, someone repeating anything several times a day would irritate me, whether that's to do with kids, or their football team, or their new car, etc

krazycatlady · 16/10/2018 19:40

Yep irritating it's like she wants some sort of award for bring a working mum of 4 .

Mrskeats · 16/10/2018 19:42

I have a friend who uses this as a reason for everything. It’s annoying

Original poster

Bestseller · 16/10/2018 19:46

Yes, AnneLovesGilbert, I do find my self biting back a response along the lines of "didn't you work out how it happened the first time?"

OP posts:

puddingjuly · 16/10/2018 19:47

I've got six and have three jobs. Tell her to shut up 😆

PurpleDaisies · 16/10/2018 19:52

You’re not being unreasonable. That sounds incredibly irritating.

She'll also use it if anything "extra" needs doing. Maybe a slightly late night, or picking something up at the weekend.

That’s totally out of order. Don’t let her get away with it. Everyone has other stuff outside work that’s important to them.

BMW6 · 16/10/2018 19:54

I'd just shrug and say "Your circus, your monkeys" and make her take her fair turn.

afrikat · 16/10/2018 19:57

Yeah I'd find that really annoying and unprofessional.
I have a chronic illness but I am careful never to use it as an excuse for not doing things well / missing any targets as it is for me to manage and it shouldn't affect my work. I have flexible working and reasonable adjustments which I use, but otherwise just crack on with my job

HildaZelda · 16/10/2018 19:58

I had this from a work colleague recently "I'm under a lot of stress. I have a newborn and a one year old".
The colleague in question is a man, so he didn't just pop out one a few weeks ago!
Not my fault if he and his OH decided to have two in a year.

LunchBoxPolice · 16/10/2018 19:59

I use having 4 kids as an excuse not to stay on at work all of the time.
I only have 1

LASH38 · 16/10/2018 20:00

On discussing ovens with my friend she said: but I need a good oven as I have four kids🤣

I said I had better stop buying oven pizzas as clearly only parents were allowed to have ovens

lovetherisingsun · 16/10/2018 20:01

Yeah I had that the other day. Didn't block this woman's drive but she has a raised curb. Left an angry note on my car about how i'd stopped her being able to get onto her drive twice now (lots of exclamation marks). When she came out to confront me (because she saw I'd screwed the note up and tossed it into the car) and I pointed out I wasn't actually over the entranceway to her drive and also that it was a raised curb she spluttered "but I'm a single mother of 5!". As if that changed things somehow.

AnotherDayAnotherDollarRight · 16/10/2018 20:06

'I had this from a work colleague recently "I'm under a lot of stress. I have a newborn and a one year old".
The colleague in question is a man, so he didn't just pop out one a few weeks ago!'

Actually, in this scenario you should probably cut him a bit of slack. He's probaby so sleep deprived he's a liability.

LanaorAna2 · 16/10/2018 20:06

We all know someone like this - usually turns out her DCs are all over 30 :)

As sciving excuses go, it's not in terribly good taste. A lot of people work when they're ill/disabled/bereaved - you get the idea.

Original poster

Bestseller · 16/10/2018 20:07

Yes, I'd be sympathetic to that one too AnotherDay.

OP posts:

tamzinro · 16/10/2018 20:12

@lovetherisingsun wow ! It must be very difficult being a single mum of 5 and you were quite rude

BeaTrewts · 16/10/2018 20:12

Yep, DH's (male) colleague was a bit like this. The children this, the children that, the other, any excuse. He had two. Teenagers

lljkk · 16/10/2018 20:13

I have 4 & rarely say anything about them. I go to work to get time off being a parent.

Troika · 16/10/2018 20:16

But I can understand the oven one... I would say I need a good oven because I’m cooking for 6 people every day. If I was just cooking for myself any oven would probably do because capacity wouldn’t be important, nor would whether it can cope with having the oven on and several rings in use at once (my mum's can’t and the oven cools down).

Just like I need a good washing machine because there are 6 of us which means I do a lot of washing, not just one or two loads a week like I would just for myself.

DevilsAdvocados · 16/10/2018 20:22

If you are feeling bitchy:

"It's not my fault you were too thick to use contraception correctly or that you have no sense of social responsibility in an over populated world and elected to have too many children. Unfortunately, as an excuse for your professional short comings it just won't wash and the more you repeat it, the more pathetic you sound".

She won't say it again.

Personally, I'd enjoy saying that just to see her face but I'm already descending to the fires of hell.

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