"But I've got four children"

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This is a line repeated numerous times a day by a colleague.

She's fairly senior, well respected and good at her job, but she seems to feel the need to use this excuse several times a day.

Most of the time there's no need for any excuse at all, she's doing a great job, but seems to use it to justify any small shortcoming (these are often in her imagination). She'll also use it if anything "extra" needs doing. Maybe a slightly late night, or picking something up at the weekend. These are things that are common in our line of work and generally accepted, we gain time at other times.

It annoys me. Everyone on the team has DC, but we're not as special, as we stopped at 2 or 3. It also winds me up when women use children as an excuse, I've always tried to carry on as normal at work, but maybe I should have expected more allowances for having a family.

If it makes a difference, her DH works PT and does the school runs and most of the domestic chores (which she also braggs about often).

Would you find this annoying too or am I being too touchy?

Most colleagues have an annoying habit. People are fucking irritating sometimes For me, the constant mentioning of children ranks lower in the annoying stakes than the ‘oh you went on holiday to Spain? I went to the Caribbean’ ‘oh you’ve just bought a car? I’ve just bought a Porsche’ ‘oh you’ve just moved, yes we’re oooking currently we want to go over the £1mil Mark this time’ etc etc blah blah.

Horrible thread.

I have 4 children.

I work 3 long days and never make excuses.

I joke about having 4 children sometimes in the cofee room. I thought I was being self deprecating/funny.

Now I’m wondering if everyone is questioning my contraceptive choices and thinks I’m dull.

Mumsnet often lifts me up and makes me laugh but sometimes it shines a light on the dark bitter reality of some peoples’ minds.

I’m off to chat for some light relief oh that’s right, this is bloody chat!

Ps sometimes very responsible adults have wine and run out of condoms and conceive twins alright .

@DevilsAdvocados I love your post

I think I'm going to stash away the part Unfortunately, as an excuse for your professional short comings it just won't wash and the more you repeat it, the more pathetic you sound as a perfect put down for many future occasions!

Hire someone with 5 kids. That'll shut her up!

She's in the CF category methinks!!

I hear similar to this all the time and it drives me mad - certain people will say "I'm sorry I can't I've got family" well hello so have I and everyone else in the business!

@tamzinro exactly the same way that everyone else in her situation did including me that's the point

I don't have family or friends who could pickup childcare I had to figure it out she wasn't unique

The job requirements were on the job description ,mentioned in recruitment , clarified in interview and checked at offer

If you feel you can't meet the requirements...dont take the job ! You're response is similar to hers

And basically the answer is as a grown ass women with responsibility if you can't figure it out don't take a job with that requirement then expect others to pick up the slack and be over dramatic by suggesting dumping your kids in a bush is the only alternative....and I apply the same rule to myself

@Gettingbackonmyfeet something wrong with you . Not everyone can get childcare and situations change is my point , you are not getting that or you are a troll .

She has no grounds to use her 4 children as an excuse unless it's for parental leave which she is legally entitled to

@cookiesandchocolate I doubt she uses them to excuse her of responsibility , children really are a reason why some people can't do a lot of hours . Maybe the employer shouldn't have employed her knowing her situation if we are using the maybe's or maybe the employer should sack her meanwhile people are allowed to bitch behind her back which is by the way bullying .

I didn't mean it like that. I mean she can't use them as a reason for not doing her actual work. Unless she's taken parental leave.

You can't come into work one day and say I'm tired so I'm not doing it because of my children.

She's very reasonable not to stay overtime due to kids though.

I have four (as the name suggests) and I'm clearly missing a trick here because if anything I downplay all the work involved, I never use it as excuse 😂

tamzinro you seem to be advocating descrimination against parents with multiple children because some of them choose not to be responsible employees and take the piss by pulling the kids card.

Do you work? Do you see arranging suitable childcare as your problem or that of the workplace?

'Oh really, you never mentioned it'

'Only four?'

'Congratulations'

All with a heavy dose of sarcasm

She isn't using it to get out of doing work. She pulls her weight.

She is telling you it's hard for her as she has 4 children.

Why not just believe it's hard for her? She's not diminishing how hard it is for you. If she says it in a sneery/comparison way then address that.

I agree with the internalised misogyny argument. Women are meant to "have it all" by coping with everything but without saying it's ever difficult.

Our work culture is still fundamentally toxic masculinity, isn't it? Man up, shut up, don't bring your struggles or insecurities or tiredness to work. What bollocks. Both men and women have to live with this silly tradition.

Sometimes I get into work and I've done 4 hard hours negotiation, cooking, cleaning and school runs before the day has started. I am sensitive to others and how to take turns in conversations but I think it's fine for people to say "gosh, the school run was punishing today" or "My train was delayed, I'm knackered" or, god forbid, "I did my x hobby last night, didn't get back til late, so I'm tired this morning, don't really want to do the late additional hours tonight, is anyone better placed?". I welcome such personal sharing from my team. It grounds them in real, present and honest contact with each other.

We all make choices in life - where to live, kids to have, etc, some of the choices put us under pressure day to day. But why are we not allowed to mention (not bang on about, but mention) that we do our work in the midst of these other commitments?

What spiderdemon just said. FFS it's just being human.

If she’s doing her job adequately, just ignore?

@tamzinro seriously no I'm not a troll I have a reasonable posting history and nothing I've said is troll like

Just because you disagree with me doesn't actually mean you are right

The hilarity if your attitude is that I work incredibly hard to support all of my teams,not just the mum's and dad's but those with any reason for time off

However I won't take it as an excuse or my responsibility

I chose to have two children ...no body made me ...why are you not understanding that expecting special treatment is entitled behaviour when it's no better or worse than challenges others are facing

Your attitude would be laughed out of my entire industry

I'm not entirely convinced she works Gettingbackonmyfeet, what with no childcare and way more kids than she wanted.