Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Big hair cut-why would someone ignore it?

140 replies

retainertrainer · 09/10/2018 16:20

Just pondering. I’ve had a pretty dramatic change of hair style-shoulder length to long pixie (think Emma from CBB type of style) plus colour change. I love it,my friends have been complementary and DH (who would tell me the absolute truth) says it suits me much more that the long hair.

Anyway, went into work today. I share an office with one other woman and she didn’t acknowledge it at all. We’re pretty friendly (in a work colleague type of way) and often chat about things like this.

I wasn’t fishing for complements or expecting a fuss or anything but not even a ‘you’ve had a hair cut’. It felt a bit awkward,like the elephant in the room. I just found it a bit odd and wondered why someone would completely ignore it. I’m guessing she thinks it’s horrible!

OP posts:
bimbobaggins · 09/10/2018 16:22

Maybe she’s got a lot of things going on and concentrating on her work and noticing your hair is the last thing on her mind

Lila99 · 09/10/2018 16:22

I’ve got a friend who constantly waits for you to comment on all her new clothes, nails, hair etc so I just gave up commenting as I knew she was waiting so desperately for it to be mentioned Grin perhaps your colleague thinks the same?!

sonjadog · 09/10/2018 16:22

As a general rule, I think not commenting other people’s appearance is a good thing. She may live by the same rule as me.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Beauty
Bluntness100 · 09/10/2018 16:25

I'd put it down to envy actually. She thinks you look great and it's making her feel shit about herself.

It's totally normal to comment on a big appearance change. So not commenting is indeed odd.

Womaningreen · 09/10/2018 16:25

I'm with sonja on this.

Bluntness100 · 09/10/2018 16:27

As a general rule, I think not commenting other people’s appearance is a good thing

Really? You never compliment a friend, and you'd never feel good after getting a compliment?

I always compliment my friends. It makes people feel good. Why wouldn't I. They are my friends,

Pebblesandfriends · 09/10/2018 16:28

The question you should be asking is why do you care? You don't need her approval and she shouldn't have to give it. Yes, it's social niceties etc but she's a colleague, you could change jobs tomorrow and never see her again so don't pay any mind what she does or doesn't think. Maybe she's just not that social.

Womaningreen · 09/10/2018 16:28

Oh I compliment close people - but in an office I don't comment on anyone's appearance.

Womaningreen · 09/10/2018 16:29

or maybe she doesn't like it. Who cares?

HeadsDownThumbsUpEveryone · 09/10/2018 16:29

I'd put it down to envy actually. She thinks you look great and it's making her feel shit about herself.

What a bizarre opinion. That certainly wouldn't be my first thought. She is perhaps busy getting on with her work and probably has other things on her mind. Instead of worrying she didn't like it surely your first assumption would be that she genuinely didn't notice.

I think in general her attitude is best and it is probably best not to discuss appearances in a work environment. She is after all not your friend she is your colleague, all your friends have said they like it as has you DH, why do you can so much about what she thinks about your hair.

Bluntness100 · 09/10/2018 16:30

But she shares with one other woman, they have a personal relarionship and are friendly.

bimbobaggins · 09/10/2018 16:30

Envy & odd Shock . To be honest I couldn’t care less about my colleagues personal appearances and would struggle to notice so to be though of as envious or odd is ridiculous .

It says more about you that you are bothered she didn’t say anything than her not saying anything

TheBrilloPad · 09/10/2018 16:31

Honestly - she may not have noticed. I have some form of observational blindness where someone will have a drastic haircut/4st weight loss/start wearing contacts after a lifetime of only glasses etc, and I just wouldn't notice any of them. I'd maybe think "hmmmm, does X look different today?"
but that's it. I would never click what the change was.

AmateurSwami · 09/10/2018 16:32

My lovely colleague had her hair cut into a bob a few weeks back. I literally looked, though “wow her hair looks fab” and didn’t actually say it out loud. Realised about 15mins later. It’s probably no big issue tbh.

HenryInTheTunnel · 09/10/2018 16:32

Some people are just a bit awkward. Maybe she felt she missed her moment and then it would be wierd to mention it after a while.

Maybe she assumes you've had it done for a negative reason and worries in case youre sensitive about it.

I think i would mention it, as it does sound quite a big change, but as a rule i'm not good at noticing when people have changed their colour etc

HeadsDownThumbsUpEveryone · 09/10/2018 16:33

they have a personal relationship and are friendly

See I don't see it as they are friendly. They are colleagues who talk at work because they are the only 2 people in the office so there isn't anyone else to talk to. General chit chit and small talk is fine it doesn't mean they have a personal relationship.

purplecorkheart · 09/10/2018 16:34

Perhaps she things commenting on appearance in the workplace is unprofessional, maybe she does not like and does not want to say anything.
Maybe she is one of those people who don't notice appearance etc.

Maybe she has some worries and does not feel in the mood for chit chat.

To be honest I would give it a second thought if I were you.

sonjadog · 09/10/2018 16:34

Oh yeah, I compliment friends. What I was saying was in relation to colleagues and other aquaintances.

Original poster
retainertrainer · 09/10/2018 16:37

Thanks for the replies. I just found it a bit odd,I could understand if it’d just been a trim or something. I’ve had the same hair for the 5 years we’ve worked together and then to come in with 8 inches lopped off and a completely different colour I was just surprised she didn’t mention it and she is usually the type to comment on things like that.

Anyway, it’s no biggie.

OP posts:
Flashingbeacon · 09/10/2018 16:37

Shoulder length to long pixie isn’t that dramatic a change for some people though. I got my below the shoulders hair permed and wouldn’t class it as a big change. Lots of people would just not think of it as note worthy.
There’s definitely a school of thought that says don’t even make remarks about appearance.
Lots of reasons are possible, maybe ask why you care?

GreenDinosaur · 09/10/2018 16:38

What do you expect her to say?
I think it's weird when you have your hair cut and everyone says, "You've had your hair cut!" Erm, yeah, I was there, I did notice.

If she thinks it looks nice, she might pass comment, otherwise there's not much to say unless you want, "Not sure it suits you to be honest" or "Don't worry, it'll grow back."

anrolnotrom · 09/10/2018 16:39

I think envy is a really weird suggestion. Why do people think every negative has to do with envy. It usually doesn't even relate to envy. More likely she a) doesn't want to comment until she knows you love it b) hadn't noticed c) noticed but wondered when you had it done and feels awkward mentioning it. I do this. I'm often so busy that when I notice something it turns out to be weeks old and I genuinely didn't notice at the time. D) doesn't like it and is polite enough not to say anything. Lots of people don't like pixie cuts. I do. Maybe she doesn't. In other words, don't get weirded out by it. There are a hundred reasons and none of them mean anything bad.

waterlego6064 · 09/10/2018 16:39

I’m really terrible at noticing changes like hair cuts. Even fairly dramatic weight loss can completely pass me by. It’s not that I don’t want to compliment people, I’m just a bit...oblivious.

Original poster
retainertrainer · 09/10/2018 16:41

Henry-I think you’re probably right in that she missed the moment and then I didn’t say anything and then she probably thought better of mentioning it.

I suppose it’s a bit like when someone looses weight. It’s a bit personal isn’t it.

OP posts:
Flooffloof · 09/10/2018 16:41

It's totally normal to comment on a big appearance change. So not commenting is indeed odd.

Oops then I am officially a failure, I didn't even notice my OH shaving his beard off totally. About 3 days later I asked him what was different.