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Original poster

Big hair cut-why would someone ignore it?

140 replies

retainertrainer · 09/10/2018 16:20

Just pondering. I’ve had a pretty dramatic change of hair style-shoulder length to long pixie (think Emma from CBB type of style) plus colour change. I love it,my friends have been complementary and DH (who would tell me the absolute truth) says it suits me much more that the long hair.

Anyway, went into work today. I share an office with one other woman and she didn’t acknowledge it at all. We’re pretty friendly (in a work colleague type of way) and often chat about things like this.

I wasn’t fishing for complements or expecting a fuss or anything but not even a ‘you’ve had a hair cut’. It felt a bit awkward,like the elephant in the room. I just found it a bit odd and wondered why someone would completely ignore it. I’m guessing she thinks it’s horrible!

OP posts:
Madwithjealousy · 09/10/2018 17:08

Following my eye operation, my manager said to me "Oh so you'll have to wear glasses now?" I was confused as I'd been wearing glasses for all of the 4 years that we'd worked together!

notacooldad · 09/10/2018 17:08

I put it down to envy actually. She thinks you look great and it's making her feel shit about herself I love a bit of armchair psychology!

Two friends have done something similar in the last few months and to be honest I've not mentioned it because it looks awful on them. I'd rather say nothing than pretend I like it.
A heard a couple if friends gush on about how great it was for one of the friend and then later say, ' well to be honest, it looked better when it was shoulder length'. Why lie? I don't get it.

crochetmonkey74 · 09/10/2018 17:08

Well I think it's odd of her not to mention it. I don't believe posters who say they don't comment on or notice other women- come off it! Who are you trying to kid?
Not trying to kid anyone- I really don't as I hate it and have hated it since a teenager. I never comment on anyone else's appearance and make it clear I don't like mine commented on.

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Beauty
Flooffloof · 09/10/2018 17:09

Thumb, it seems so. Just quickly done an online test. Miserable score. Ah well, next time DP shaves his beard off I will tell him why I don't know him Grin

specialsubject · 09/10/2018 17:11

appearance is a boring subject . Or she doesn't like it so works on the 'nothing nice to say, say nothing ' principle.

You know you had a haircut, she probably thinks that telling you so is a stupid comment.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 09/10/2018 17:13

Floof Grin

My boss who shaved his beard off, his family noticed all right - they wouldn't speak to him until he'd grown it back in again! Luckily his was only a short beard, couple of week's growth sort of length, so it didn't take long. His daughters had only ever known him with a beard and they didn't like it not being there!

AliceLutherNeeMorgan · 09/10/2018 17:15

It’s hard with hair anyway, because if you say how much you like it, the other person might infer you thought she looked not too great before; if you just say “oh you’ve had your hair cut” then it sounds a bit ambivalent so you might as well say nothing.

But it’s not the elephant in the room! You’d have to have a pretty empty “room” for someone’s hair cut to be the “elephant”. I mean, obviously it’s important to you OP but not really to anyone else, surely?

Yerroblemom1923 · 09/10/2018 17:15

I recently dyed my hair. You can't help but notice it, but 2 people haven't mentioned it..... I'm assuming it's a case of "if you can't say anything nice...."and they don't like it.
She may be being polite. Alternatively, she may be thinking you had it cut/coloured last week/a few days ago and she failed to notice and is feeling a bit silly as it's too late now to mention it! I quite often see friends and say "Ooh have you done something different with your hair??" And the reply is something along the lines of "I washed it!" or "I had it cut last month!"

Guardsman18 · 09/10/2018 17:24

Was your hair in really good condition OP? I used to have very long hair, glossy, shiny etc. I had it cut into what I thought was quite a 'cool' look for a change.

I can remember someone was shocked as to why I would cut such lovely hair to that length (hers was dyed and very short).

She did then say that she supposed looking after it was a pain. It wasn't but I think there was a compliment in there about my long hair!

reddressblueshoes · 09/10/2018 17:24

A lot of people don't like pixie cuts pretty much regardless of whether it suits you. I used to work with a v pretty girl who had a pixie cut in from shoulder length hair. She went from being v pretty in a girlie way to quite striking. She described going to see former colleagues in an overseas office and them basically being unable to conceal open mouthed horror when they saw her - I think they felt she'd gone from being pretty to looking older, which she saw as a good thing (was only early thirties, wanted more gravitas in work) but they struggled with, possibly in part due to coming from a culture where cutting your hair short was something usually only done when a lot older.

A LOT of people seem to not like short hair on women, and don't trust themselves to sound convincing if they lie. Its a bit odd not to mention it, but as everyone has said, sometimes the moment passes, esp if you haven't exactly made your mind up instantly.

shouldwestayorshouldwego · 09/10/2018 17:26

I really wouldn't notice quite often. Sometimes I do and comment, sometimes I will think there is something different but not be able to work out why. Sometimes I just don't notice.

I have to know someone quite well to recognise them out of context. Varying degrees of face blindness is not uncommon with some disabilities. Likewise I would not expect anyone to notice if I had my hair cut.

If you say she normally would then perhaps she doesn't like it but she might just not have noticed.

nearlythesummer · 09/10/2018 17:26

People are odd. I think it's very strange that she didn't say anything about your hair. I wouldn't give it any more thought. Cary on being kind and complement others, what a sad world would it be if people didn't do this.

abacucat · 09/10/2018 17:29

One of two reasons.
She doesn't like it, so is saying nothing.
She has some face blindness so actually doesn't realise you have had this hair cut. I suffer from this, few people know it, but I honestly wouldn't realise.

Bluntness100 · 09/10/2018 17:32

Do you really need each others approval and compliments

It's not about "needing', it's about wishing to pay a compliment someone you like Hmm

shouldwestayorshouldwego · 09/10/2018 17:34

I think it is also quite common for people not to believe that others see the world differently. We only have our own internal basis for understanding the world and it is difficult to understand how anyone can see it differently. For example I find it really hard to imagine how someone can muddle up red and green. I know that someone with red-green colour blindness can - but it is hard to imagine on a daily basis what their lived experience is like. I find it hard to understand how people whom I have only met once or twice can possibly remember who I am and how they know me. I believe that they can and that they don't have a secret camera which they film and constantly review in case they bump into me again, but that would be just as logical an answer as that they just do remember names and faces.

mrsm43s · 09/10/2018 17:34

I would probably notice if a colleague had their hair cut, but probably wouldn't comment on it, because, frankly, someone else's hairstyle isn't really of interest to me, and therefore not really comment-worthy.

I'm not really into fashion or hair & beauty, though.

The only time I might comment is if it looked absolutely smack you in the face amazing. But that's rare. Most haircuts make people look different, but not necessary significantly better or worse, just different. So I'd register it, but not at a deep enough level to comment.

paxillin · 09/10/2018 17:35

Jealous??? Unlikely, since she is over 12. Grown ups don't tend to suffer jealousy over such banal stuff. She could easily get the same cut after all.

I don't comment on colleagues' looks at all and I hope they return the favour.

Bluntness100 · 09/10/2018 17:38

She could easily get the same cut after all

Yes, because that wouldn't look odd at all. 🤣🤣🤣

paxillin · 09/10/2018 17:39

Jealousy because a colleague has some hairdo would be weirder.

Gemini69 · 09/10/2018 17:40

Wow. So surprised by these comments, I would always tell a close colleague they looked fantastic. And I struggle to believe someone can sit in an office with one other person every single day for five years and they have eight inches cut off their hair and dye it a totally different colour and people just wouldn't notice.

I agree....and I also agree the colleague appears jealous.... Hmm

Enjoy your hair OP.. it sounds GORGEOUS Flowers

megletthesecond · 09/10/2018 17:41

She might not think it looks great.
Or
She keeps forgetting to mention it does look great.

Sparkletastic · 09/10/2018 17:41

She probably doesn't like it. Some people just don't like short haircuts on women 🤷🏽‍♀️

DoJo · 09/10/2018 17:44

One of the things I hate most about having my hair cut is people commenting on it and having to reply with something inane and having attention drawn to it. I'm not massively bothered by my appearance and feel uncomfortable when people comment on it, so I avoid commenting on others in case a) they feel obliged to reciprocate b) they feel the same as me or c) I say the wrong thing.

cheesefield · 09/10/2018 17:44

Hmm, I get really embarrassed when people mention changes in my appearance, I dread going to work when I've had a haircut/got a new outfit in case someone mentions it. I blush and feel really awkward! Maybe she's the same?

BlancheM · 09/10/2018 17:49

I don't know, some people can be strange about commenting on hair. I went into work last week and saw someone who has always had straight hair with it styled really curly. Massively different. My first reaction was 'wow, your hair! Love it' and she said 'do you know, that's the first time anyone has mentioned it all day, no one has acknowledged it'