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Original poster

Big hair cut-why would someone ignore it?

140 replies

retainertrainer · 09/10/2018 16:20

Just pondering. I’ve had a pretty dramatic change of hair style-shoulder length to long pixie (think Emma from CBB type of style) plus colour change. I love it,my friends have been complementary and DH (who would tell me the absolute truth) says it suits me much more that the long hair.

Anyway, went into work today. I share an office with one other woman and she didn’t acknowledge it at all. We’re pretty friendly (in a work colleague type of way) and often chat about things like this.

I wasn’t fishing for complements or expecting a fuss or anything but not even a ‘you’ve had a hair cut’. It felt a bit awkward,like the elephant in the room. I just found it a bit odd and wondered why someone would completely ignore it. I’m guessing she thinks it’s horrible!

OP posts:
TripTrapTripTrapOverTheBridge · 09/10/2018 23:24

It felt a bit awkward,like the elephant in the room

If that is really how you felt then I imagine your colleague is tired of having to validate you and putting such importance on a slight change of your appearance. Seriously, if something like that makes you feel awkward you need to give your head a little shake!

Nettled · 09/10/2018 23:31

I hate anyone commenting on anything to do with my appearance, so I do as I prefer to be done by, and don’t comment on theirs.

If I’m preoccupied and busy, I’m unlikely to notice, anyway. I share an office with a colleague I’m very fond of, and when once, on a particularly stressful day, she appeared, having gone from black hair to pink (as in, she’d had the colour bleached out and then light pink dye put in) I just started talking about the horrors that were going on, and only said ‘Oh, you changed your hair’ about eight hours later as I was getting ready to go home. I assume my brain did notice but filed it under ‘unimportant’.

Bluntness100 · 10/10/2018 06:55

As you say - I'll carry on supporting my colleagues actual work, feel free to focus on their appearance

It really doesn't have to be either or. You can compliment people on both.

I'm stunned at the amount of people who would apparently not notice if the person they say next to for five years had eight inches cut off their hair and dyed it a totally different colour.

I'm sadly less surprised at rhe amount of people who would deliberately ignore it and refuse to pay a minor compliment like " your hair looks lovely".

In the real world. It is very normal in this context to say something like your hairs nice.

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Beauty
tootstastic · 10/10/2018 07:03

Still with you OP. What on earth is wrong with some people?! Lighten up....

You spot long-term colleague has a new (and quite drastic) hairstyle and you say:

"Ooh new hairstyle" or "great hair, love it!"

Done! No biggie and completely normal behaviour.

Really don't get the 'I feel uncomfortable/don't notice/might not like it/it's unprofessional' brigade. And I don't actually believe you behave like that in real life if you're, you know, a nice person.

Nettled · 10/10/2018 08:33

I’m a nice person, which is why, as I — and quite a lot of other women I know — hate having my appearance remarked on, I behave the way I would prefer others to. In fairness, I would remark and admire if it was a drastic alteration a friend had talked to me about, and I knew they didn’t mind, but not a colleague or someone I didn’t know well. Then again, because of the nature of my job, most of the time I’m around a colleague are in crisis situations, so social chitchat isn’t a priority.

tootstastic · 10/10/2018 09:05

'We’re pretty friendly (in a work colleague type of way) and often chat about things like this'

Yup as stated in the OP, OP normally talks to this woman about things like this. This is not a colleague whom she has a strictly professional relationship with.

Are people really this uptight?

In RL, I've had many compliments when I've drastically changed my hair. From colleagues to school mums I don't know very well. Just lighthearted 'love the hair' type comments. I've never given it a second thought, but judging by the angst in some of these posts....just wow.

verite · 10/10/2018 09:39

Maybe for whatever reason she is not keen. I am crap at lying and pretending I like something when I don’t so would prefer not to say anything as well. Simply remarking on it without a compliment would be even worse than not saying anything! Don’t see it as a reflection on your haircut. Maybe she just doesn’t like short hair? You know it looks good and that is what matters.

Bluntness100 · 10/10/2018 13:44

I’m a nice person, which is why, as I — and quite a lot of other women I know — hate having my appearance remarked on

How does being a nice person mean you hate to have your appearance remarked on. What is rhe correlation there?

notacooldad · 10/10/2018 16:05

I think it's kinder to say nothing rather than 'what the hell have you done? It was miles better before'

stopdropandroll · 10/10/2018 16:10

in the past i dyed my hair from very dark to white blonde and back again a few times over the years. some people commented they didn’t notice/register for a while because either apparently suited me. maybe it’s the same with you and your new hair suits you so much it just seems natural. she probably thinks you look great without realising what’s changed.

Bluntness100 · 10/10/2018 16:14

I think it's kinder to say nothing rather than 'what the hell have you done? It was miles better before'

Well eh yeah, I don't think anyone will argue with you there, 🤣

Cabochard · 10/10/2018 16:41

Perhaps she thinks you haven’t noticed either!

paap1975 · 10/10/2018 16:44

My guess is it's a bit personal and maybe she doesn't like it and doesn't want to offend you

Nettled · 10/10/2018 17:48

Bluntness, you’re misreading my post. It says quite clearly that as I am a nice person who hates having her appearance commented on, I act towards others as I hope they will act towards me, and don’t comment on theirs. Unless they are a friend who has made it plain they like it. I don’t think it’s wildly unusual not to want your hairstyle/clothes commented on.

Bluntness100 · 10/10/2018 17:58

Actually most people like a compliment, it makes them feel good about themselves. So contrary to what this thread would have you believe, actually yes it is wildly unusual.

Gemini69 · 10/10/2018 19:03

Actually most people like a compliment, it makes them feel good about themselves. So contrary to what this thread would have you believe, actually yes it is wildly unusual.

Agreed Flowers

VenusClapTrap · 10/10/2018 20:19

If I hated what someone had done to their hair, I just wouldn’t comment. I dislike false compliments.

GreenDinosaur · 10/10/2018 22:50

Reminds me of being at school, one of the popular girls got a new hairdo and clearly thought it was fabulous. Most people were trying to be nice until one of the dinner ladies took a look and gasped in horror, "What happened to your lovely hair?!" Grin

Maybe silence is sometimes preferable.

Original poster
retainertrainer · 11/10/2018 16:39

Thanks for that Green.

OP posts:
Gemini69 · 11/10/2018 18:38

OP I'm sure you're new style feels wonderful and looks great... ignore your colleague as she has ignored you and enjoy your new hair.. Flowers

EK36 · 11/10/2018 18:56

I would only give a genuine compliment. If i didn't like it then I wouldn't say anything. Once I had a drastic hair cut. I went from long dark blonde to a very short platinum bob! Some people complimented me as they liked it. A few didnt say anything. I found out when my hair grew back long again, this was because they thought it was horrid! But it really doesn't matter what people think OP. As long as you love it. Life's too short not to experiment with hair. After all, it soon grows back!

BrightonGallery7 · 11/10/2018 19:56

It’s envy and she is being a tit.

BrightonGallery7 · 11/10/2018 19:57

It is weird - as in WEIRD - not to comment! Batshit, actually.

BrightonGallery7 · 11/10/2018 19:59

Some of the idiotic responses here🤣😂🤣😂

SerenDippitty · 11/10/2018 20:13

I have had this when I’ve changed my hair colour. Also when I swapped my unobtrusive metal rimmed specs for a much more “statement” pair of tortoiseshell ones. Very few people commented. I think people just don’t think it appropriate to comment any more.