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Original poster

Big hair cut-why would someone ignore it?

140 replies

retainertrainer · 09/10/2018 16:20

Just pondering. I’ve had a pretty dramatic change of hair style-shoulder length to long pixie (think Emma from CBB type of style) plus colour change. I love it,my friends have been complementary and DH (who would tell me the absolute truth) says it suits me much more that the long hair.

Anyway, went into work today. I share an office with one other woman and she didn’t acknowledge it at all. We’re pretty friendly (in a work colleague type of way) and often chat about things like this.

I wasn’t fishing for complements or expecting a fuss or anything but not even a ‘you’ve had a hair cut’. It felt a bit awkward,like the elephant in the room. I just found it a bit odd and wondered why someone would completely ignore it. I’m guessing she thinks it’s horrible!

OP posts:

treaclesoda · 09/10/2018 17:58

I'm trying to think if I comment on other people's appearances. I suppose I do. I definitely would say 'I like your dress'. I would never ever comment on someone having lost weight unless they said something like 'I've been trying really hard and I've lost two stone'. Then I'd assume they want it acknowledged. If they have never mentioned their weight to me, I certainly wouldn't mention it to them.

ImogenTubbs · 09/10/2018 18:04

Some people just really don't register these things. I didn't notice that a friend of mine had had her hair braided

NamedyChangedy · 09/10/2018 18:04

Slightly unrelated but please people try not to comment on weight changes if you can help it, even if it seems positive to you. It can be very unwelcome for some people and you have no idea what caused it.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Beauty

borntobequiet · 09/10/2018 18:09

When I notice things like this I’m generally unsure if it’s new that day or whether I missed it previously, so don’t necessarily mention it.

tootstastic · 09/10/2018 18:23

Don't want to derail, as this thread isn't about weight, but in my case I'd openly shared my weight loss journey with the two non-commenters and visa versa. So they really were just being green eyed monsters and didn't mind mentioning it when I put some weight back on. I obviously have no idea if the hair thing is similar, but it is odd not to comment at all on such a drastic hair change.

C8H10N4O2 · 09/10/2018 19:11

What a strange assumption that someone not commenting on your appearance = envy.

I never comment on the appearance of people in the workplace - its inappropriate in that situation. I judge people by their work - that is what I compliment when its good.

Women are judged endlessly on their appearance, why on earth would I bring that into the workplace?

Bluntness100 · 09/10/2018 20:40

Women are judged endlessly on their appearance, why on earth would I bring that into the workplace?

Huh? This isn't about gender. I work with predominantly men, the ones I'm close to and have worked for years with I will pay a compliment to on an appearance change, as they will me.

DianaPrincessOfThemyscira · 09/10/2018 20:50

As a general rule, I think not commenting other people’s appearance is a good thing

I couldn’t disagree more! I like to compliment people.

DianaPrincessOfThemyscira · 09/10/2018 20:51

And I quite often compliment men on their shirt, new haircut, new glasses or whatever, the same I would a woman.

SwedishEdith · 09/10/2018 20:55

If someone says "You've had your hair cut!" I'd assume they don't like it. I'd never assume envy!

C8H10N4O2 · 09/10/2018 21:20

I work with predominantly men

So do I. Quite often exclusively. That doesn't alter the fact that women are routinely judged on appearance in a way men are not or make it any less unprofessional to be commenting on colleagues appearance unless they explicitly ask for an opinion.

BalloonSlayer · 09/10/2018 21:36

I reckon she doesn't like it and hasn't said anything because she'd have to say she likes it and doesn't think she'll sound convincing.

I did something drastic to my hair by mistake and I was worried it was really different. When I went to work no one in my immediate office said anything and I thought, phew, it doesn't really notice. But over the next few days I got quite a lot of favourable comments from people in the wider workplace and it dawned on me that a) it DID really notice and b) the people I worked directly with obviously didn't like it as they hadn't said anything. So tThen I said "God look what i'very done to my bloody hair!" and THEN they all said how nice it wax. Liars !!

Bluntness100 · 09/10/2018 22:00

That doesn't alter the fact that women are routinely judged on appearance in a way men are not or make it any less unprofessional to be commenting on colleagues appearance unless they explicitly ask for an opinion

I couldn't disagree more that paying a compliment to someone you've worked with for years on something like a hair cut or a new shirt is unprofessional.

But you live your life, and I'll live mine. You just keep on making sure you don't pay anyone a compliment ever. And telling yourself it's because you don't want to be unprofessional.

Ohyesiam · 09/10/2018 22:14

Complements, personal remarks and comments on appearance have a lot of cross over, and are not neutral ground for lots of people. I often prefer people not to comment , even if it’s a Complement,unless I’m close to them. Maybe the colleague is like tha?

I have lots of teen girls hanging around my house, and they are an exception to this, as I complement them all lots.

Polestar50 · 09/10/2018 22:16

Oh god, I never notice if people have changed their hair. It's like hair blindness. I only really notice their face. I may be vaguely aware that something had changed and they look a bit different to usual but unless they have gone from Rapunzel long to practically a buzz cut, it just doesn't register. Sorry

Your colleague could be like me. Especially if she mainly thinks of you in a work context, it may not be important to her or occur to her to comment.
For what it's worth, I never expect anyone to comment on my hair either

Shesaysso · 09/10/2018 22:20

It’s quite possible that I wouldn’t notice this other than think you maybe looked a bit different. I can’t explain it but I have this block around peoples appearances. I couldn’t tell you what clothes anyone had on at my work today nor would I notice if someone had lost about 3 stone in weight. It’s really embarrassing sometimes as people think you’re ignoring it but I just have really poor observation skills.

tootstastic · 09/10/2018 22:29

So can't tell the difference between these two haircuts? Riiiiiiight.....

And wouldn't comment at all? Riiiiiiiiiiiiight.....

Big hair cut-why would someone ignore it?

C8H10N4O2 · 09/10/2018 22:29

You just keep on making sure you don't pay anyone a compliment ever.

Nice try but that isn't remotely what I said. I compliment people's work - the stuff that actually matters to them, rather than superficial nonsense.

I find it interesting that given a myriad of reasons why someone might not comment on the appearance of another, your immediate assumption was that the woman was envious.

As you say - I'll carry on supporting my colleagues actual work, feel free to focus on their appearance

greendale17 · 09/10/2018 22:34

Envy. That and being jealous.

kayakingmum · 09/10/2018 22:36

Compliments can create awkward situations. You can end up feeling duty bound to give a compliment back which then sounds insincere.

MIdgebabe · 09/10/2018 22:39

SOme people just don’t notice. Everyone is different.

Some people just don’t think hair and looks are important enough to comment upon. Again, everyone is different.

And of course some people dont like to lie, and might not like the new style..

I find it quite annoy8ng , rude , if people expect me to waste my limited memory on frivalities ..have enough trouble remembering names ( including people I have worked with for years) ) of people never mind their hairstyles

thinkfast · 09/10/2018 22:43

I wouldn't comment on a colleague's haircut if I didn't think it suited them. I'd just keep silent. If I thought it looked nice I'd say so.

BettyBooJustDoinTheDoo · 09/10/2018 22:48

I thinks it’s very odd that she has not acknowledged your change in hairstyle, I could sort of understand it if you never talked about stuff like that but you say you do so I think it strange that a dramatic change has not even been acknowledged, even if she hated she could have said oh you have gone for the chop! where did you get it done? It’s sort of like discussing cars a lot with someone and then you get a new car and colleague says nothing when they see it! And as for the people who never notice anyone’s appearance I hope you never have to pick anyone out in a police line up!

shouldwestayorshouldwego · 09/10/2018 23:16

And as for the people who never notice anyone’s appearance I hope you never have to pick anyone out in a police line up!

Police line ups are notoriously unreliable and often due to subtle cues from police officers. Many cases overturned by DNA evidence were originally convicted on the basis of flawed eye witness reports. We are all susceptible to change blindness but many people have the sensation of having very detailed recall.

waterlego6064 · 09/10/2018 23:20

I hope you never have to pick anyone out in a police line up!

I too hope I never have to! 😆

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