Big hair cut-why would someone ignore it?

[retainertrainer]

Just pondering. I’ve had a pretty dramatic change of hair style-shoulder length to long pixie (think Emma from CBB type of style) plus colour change. I love it,my friends have been complementary and DH (who would tell me the absolute truth) says it suits me much more that the long hair.

Anyway, went into work today. I share an office with one other woman and she didn’t acknowledge it at all. We’re pretty friendly (in a work colleague type of way) and often chat about things like this.

I wasn’t fishing for complements or expecting a fuss or anything but not even a ‘you’ve had a hair cut’. It felt a bit awkward,like the elephant in the room. I just found it a bit odd and wondered why someone would completely ignore it. I’m guessing she thinks it’s horrible!

😆 @floof

Wow. So surprised by these comments, I would always tell a close colleague they looked fantastic. And I struggle to believe someone can sit in an office with one other person every single day for five years and they have eight inches cut off their hair and dye it a totally different colour and people just wouldn't notice.

There are ways of acknowledging something like this even if you don't like it e.g. "Oh you've had your hair cut. Do you like it? Amazing colour." Note none of that statement implies that you like it, but you have acknowledged it and the person wouldn't feel bad. It is a bit odd not to comment in the circs that the OP describes.

I'm sure it's not really the 'elephant in the room' is it? She may have lots on her mind and you having a haircut is not something she's particularly bothered about.

Bluntness, I just wouldn't notice.
People have to point it out to me. A friend got a pea sized noddle thing off the side of her nose, never even knew it was there let alone missing afterwards.
I do struggle with faces, often wondering if I know these people that use my name. At the Christmas party last year, at least 30 people asked me by name how I was, each time I had to ask someone who they were.

Maybe she hates it and doesn't know how to say anything nice about it.
Maybe she barely recognised you and it made her a bit flustered.
Maybe she didn't even notice!

I know that sounds weird but I've worked with people before who have barely noticed big changes - like a man who shaved his not inconsiderable beard off, and people were saying "Dave's not looking himself today, wonder what's wrong with him" but had to have it pointed out to them that his beard had gone AWOL!
Or another man who accidentally shaved his eyebrows off (don't ask) and most people didn't notice.

I went to work wearing a wig for a few days that was completely different stylistically and colourwise from my own hair - some people didn't even recognise me until I spoke.

So there are a few potential reasons why she didn't say anything. :)

Floof - sounds like you suffer from face-blindness?

She doesn't care/see it as noteworthy.
She didn't like it.

One of those two reasons.

If you have a close working relationship then did you not mention to her you were thinking about a drastic change. She might have been thrown by you not mentioning you were thinking about it. I work with two other people who I have a strong working relationship with but not much outside of work. We don’t spend much time chatting about non work related stuff but something big we would probably bring up. We have another colleague who changes her hair regularly and it is pretty whacky. Truthfully we rarely say anything as it does seem to be to draw attention to herself. That might be something your colleague thinks you have done or as others have said it could be something that has so little meaning to her she wouldn’t think it mattered. Don’t overthink it. It’s a drastic change to you clearly to her it is not worthy of comment.

She genuinely might not have noticed or maybe she did, but wasn't sure if you'd just had it done?

Or she might not like it. I don't usually comment if I don't really like something (or I might say, "Oh, you've had your hair cut", which can sound much worse!) but even if that is the case, it's nothing personal, just different tastes.

Bluntness100

I agree that she's jealous. How can someone not notice such a drastic change in someone?

If she is the type who comments on everything maybe hr had a word with her about personal comments. Someone could have taken offence with what she says and complained.

@retainertrainer

WOW what a bizarre thing to get hung up about! I do things for me, and don't give a fuck if anyone comments, or likes it, as all that matters is that I do.

You sound pretty immature and a bit petty OP. How old are you?

Do you kick off if you don't get tons of 'likes' on your facebook posts and photos too?

Not what you want to hear but to be honest I have said nothing in exactly that situation when the hair cut looked awful.

Woman had lovely long hair that really suited her. Went for a drastic hair cut and it looked dire. Didn't suit her at all.

It looked bad compared to how she looked before that I couldn't bring myself to mention it because I knew if I mentioned the hair I couldn't convincingly get out the words "it looks great". Because it really didn't. So I stayed silent.

All of that thought process happened in an instant , then the moment passes and it is gone.

Slightly different scenario, but I once several times lost a shed load of weight and most people were really lovely and complimentary. A couple of people I was quite close to didn't mention a word, even though we normally spoke about losing weight and dieting.

I put that down to jealousy. I really couldn't think of any other explanation other than they didn't like me looking good/slimmer than them. Unfortunately I put some of the weight back on and of course that got a mention!

Not sure if it's the same for your hair OP, as haircuts are more about preference, but it wouldn't surprise me. Complimenting someone on a new 'do' is pretty standard. Your colleague IBU.

I agree that she's jealous

Not every woman is in this weird state of competition/ jealousy with each other.
Maybe she just doesn't care?

@Bluntness100

Wow. So surprised by these comments, I would always tell a close colleague they looked fantastic.

Why? Do you really need each others approval and compliments? How bizarre!

Saying the colleague is jealous is pathetic and laughable. And maybe the OP's hair looks shit, and the colleague doesn't want to hurt her feelings!

She's probably wondering what was different about you today. I have family members like this. They didn't notice my dad shaving of his big beard, or me cutting my hair short, or wearing glasses all of a sudden. They do notice something is different but daren't comment because they're unsure what it is. Then in the evening or after a few days they suddenly get a lightbulb moment what's different. They might not tell you though because they sometimes feel silly for not noticing.

Maybe she thought it looked better before, but doesn't want to tell you this, or lie and say she thinks it looks great ?

Maybe she thinks it looks horrible and assumes you feel the same, and therefore thinks she is sparing your feelings by not mentioning it?

Well I think it's odd of her not to mention it. I don't believe posters who say they don't comment on or notice other women- come off it! Who are you trying to kid?

Either she doesn't like it and doesn't want to hurt your feelings, or she does like it and is maybe a bit jealous. Choose one.

I'd get the elephant out into the room and ask her..'Hey, what do you think of my hair cut? Just say if you don't think it suits me- be honest'.

Reminds me of the morning a colleague came into the office on Monday and I said "Good morning!! how was your...........……….what the fuck have you done to you hair!"

But to be fair her hairdresser changed her from steely grey to bright orange (not what she wanted).

I agree with pp's, she missed the moment to mention it/was caught of guard with such a dramatic change and then you never said anything so it was left hanging.

Just ask her what she thinks of your new look.

Also in the not noticing category my friend returned to work after maternity leave and a client asked how she was doing and hoped everything would be better now. It transpired they hadn’t noticed and was pregnant, even weeks before her due date. For some people noticing doesn’t come naturally.

Why? confused Do you really need each others approval and compliments? How bizarre!

Saying someone looks nice is not a case of the person saying that 'seeking approval' FFS I think some posters live in a parallel universe. Well, hopefully the do with views like this.

Are you genuinely saying that YOU never compliment anyone on how they look or dress?

Sorry but that is the oddest thing I've heard all day.