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Original poster

I just soiled myself on the way to work

85 replies

Jarviscockup · 05/10/2018 09:33

Please make me feel better.
In traffic, en route to work. Felt the rumblings of an imminent trump. Tried to squeeze it out and shat myself.
What then followed was the worst stomach cramps I've felt in a while, along with what can only be described as a warm oozing sensation. I couldn't hold it in!
Immediately did a U-turn and drove home to the privacy of my toilet. And my shower.
I don't think it's a bug so I'm still planning on going to work. It's ovulation time though and for some reason that always sends my bowels a bit funny.
The worst part is it leaked onto the interior of my car, so now I have a small brown stripe of shame in the driver's seat.
How's your Friday morning going?

OP posts:
Haworthia · 05/10/2018 09:35

It’s generally considered Not A Good Idea to request anecdotes from fellow Mumsnetters about shitting oneself. There are a lot of pervs who really enjoy that sort of thing.

PollyFlinderz · 05/10/2018 09:37

Every cloud has a silver lining.

Just buy a new car.

Liesmyparentstoldme · 05/10/2018 09:37

Did you not read the OP properly. The only anecdotes being asked for, are about how other people's mornings are going.

fufulina · 05/10/2018 09:38

Reported

Bluntness100 · 05/10/2018 09:39

Thanks for sharing. Hmm

NotANotMan · 05/10/2018 09:39

If your bowels are that dodgy then it's more than the period shits. I wouldn't risk work tbh

Liesmyparentstoldme · 05/10/2018 09:39

Mines pretty boring. Just dropped Dc's off at school/nursery, now I'm having breakfast.

IamNotDarling · 05/10/2018 09:39

OP you should clean that as soon as possible with some soap and hot water. I’d wear gloves too.

Yourenotericlove · 05/10/2018 09:39

Why share this on the internet?

LikeARockhopper · 05/10/2018 09:40

Oh dear Hmm

CantankerousCamel · 05/10/2018 09:42

Ooooookaaaay

KlutzyDraconequus · 05/10/2018 09:43

What an odd thing to go through and then sit and think,
"I must tell Mumsnet about this"

Haven't you got better shit to be doing?

Haworthia · 05/10/2018 09:44

Did you not read the OP properly. The only anecdotes being asked for, are about how other people's mornings are going.

Yes I did, and I took “please make me feel better” as an invitation to share similar anecdotes. I’ve seen it many, many times before...

I’m not saying the OP is a hairy handed perv, btw, just unaware of how many pervs we have lurking.

mikapatika · 05/10/2018 09:45

I haven’t shit myself thus far so probably a better morning than yours Hmm

PoisonousSmurf · 05/10/2018 09:45

I have a nasty sinus infection. Does that make you feel better?
Stay off work! Sounds like a bug.

ContessasGulagSpaDay · 05/10/2018 09:46

Ive heard that there is something horrible going round op. You're not the first to have an accident and won't be the last! Don't worry about it.

duvetdaysgone · 05/10/2018 09:47

I got to work for a 7:30am shift to be told it was cancelled & my agency did pass on the cancellation 😡 As it's not my fault or the care homes fault I'll still get paid & a morning to my self 😄

eelbecomingforyou · 05/10/2018 09:49

Thanks for oversharing Hmm

Branleuse · 05/10/2018 09:49

I didnt shit myself this morning.

girlywhirly · 05/10/2018 09:51

Biological laundry detergent is what you need to clean the car seat.

IJustWantToWearDungarees · 05/10/2018 09:53

Actually, if this is a regular occurrence, OP, it could be worth getting checked out with your GP. Urgency, unpredictability and cramping can be a sign of bowel disease. Hope you are feeling better after getting cleaned up.

MyBrexitGoesOnHoliday · 05/10/2018 09:54

Fgs people it’s just poo. The same than one you cleaned form your baby’s bottom. The same you might need help with as you are getting older.

OP If this was ever a recurring thing, I wouod advise you to go and see your GP. Soiling yourself isnt normal. Ovulation or not.

SoupDragon · 05/10/2018 09:54

There are a lot of pervs who really enjoy that sort of thing.

This.

Leaving aside the fact that the anecdotes asked for are general, to describe the levent” in such detail is, well, odd. And appealing to poo trolls.

badtime · 05/10/2018 09:54

Assuming the OP is on the level, this may help:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/mumsnet_classics/1439461-I-pooed-on-my-skirt-at-work-today

NovaScot · 05/10/2018 09:55

@KlutzyDraconequus

Haven't you got better shit to be doing?

Grin I would say any shit is better than the one she's already had.

My day's going brilliantly so far:
I fell up the steps in the park which got my dog really excited so he started trying to hump me. This caught the attention of another dog who came bounding over to us and stood barking like a mad thing which drew the attention of everyone in the park, which was basically the entire neighbourhood.

As I hauled myself up in a very ungraceful manner, I spotted that the sexy dog-walker who I've been flirting with for months witnessed all of this.

I've obviously put my house on the market and am investigating migrating to the moon.