To think life is overrated

[dexent]

You're born without having a choice. Then you live a life. Some of it might be good, some of it bad. You might get a lot more of one than the other. Alot of it is out of your hands. You then die. What was the point. This life is so temporary, so fleeting yet we cling on to it so dearly.

I used to struggle with the pointlessness of life, and I am still convinced life is utterly pointless. But now I think it doesn't matter if life is pointless - why does there have to be a point to life? Trying to see the point in everything is a very capitalist attitude. Some things just ARE, and you don't get money, praise or a prize for possessing them. Life doesn't have a goal, it's a journey with an unknown destination, and if you're lucky enough to have a good life, enjoy it! (I agree that all this 'life is what you make of it' is bullshit. Some people really are given more than they can handle.)

What the people on this thread, and the op?

ok I missed that.

For all the easy, blessed lives, there are people going through your worst nightmares without respite. It's not about attitude. I put on a very convincing positive and cheerful front to the world - it is not how I feel inside, and it is not how I am when alone. It's not real.

Same here. But people wouldn't know it, because it's not something I can say to anyone.

I have a happy and fairly easy life, but when my Dad died suddenly last year, I feel the same. What is the point in anything?

My brother is terminally ill. He would do anything to live. He never had much money,
lives in a shit hole, didn't have much of a career, had a miserable time with his wife who suffered from severe depression the whole 40 years they were married but would never get help, but he has sons and grandchildren that he adores, he would like to live to enjoy them a bit longer. Life can be shit, but every day is precious, especially when your are approaching your last.

Life is what you make it. Stop wallowing in self pity, and be grateful for what you've got

Someone said that^ a couple of pages into the thread, and it’s basically my thoughts on this too.

The only people who have the time and inclination to sit around indulging themselves in melancholy navel-gazing over the pointlessness of life are people who haven’t fully grasped the concept of gratitude.

The chances of you being born are so impossibly tiny, yet here we all are. Life can be horrendously shit and often is for 99% of the planet’s inhabitants, but there is so much beauty and wonder in the world that we are all extremely fortunate to be experiencing it at all – and it’s often those with the hardest lives who appreciate this the most.

Instead of sitting around sighing about how pointless life is, be fucking grateful for the good you have in your life, no matter how small and insignificant those things are.
The meaning of life is unique to each person. If you feel life is pointless, then the onus is on you to change that.

Disclaimer: I come from a background of poverty, abuse, homelessness and alcoholism. I now work as a sex worker and study science. There have been times in my life where suicide seemed a better option and there have been a couple of near-death incidents with my health – yet here I am. For me, life is about survival, and gratitude is what keeps me going in the darker times. Every single day is a gift.

I think health is key. I love my life but I am healthy both physically and mentally. A couple of years ago I had PND and life wasn't worth living then. Thankfully I came out of it. I can't imagine what it must be like if you don't come out of it.

Yep, I agree Brazen

To have been born in the west, in post war 20th century, is really to have won life's lottery. Life was considerably worse (and much shorter) mere decades ago, especially for women. The opportunities now and the scope to effect changes for ourselves are far better than they have ever been.

Good grief

I had a really grim time with my mental health in my teens and twenties and having got through that, find joy in every single normal day spent with my lovely dh and ds. I fought really hard to be a "normal" person and know what I have to be grateful for. I think of it like being on a training course and I've learned so much. I don't know if that's meant to be the "point" but it certainly make it worth living for me.

I do love this about Mumsnet.

Its got the whole smorgasboard on here, from parking threads to deep philosophy.

Mmm. The spark of life. An element of luck in circumstance and character - or not.

Resilience - I have always been fascinated as to why some people seem more endowed with this than others. Can you cultivate it?

Even living through some very sad and troubled times in life I have held onto..something. The will to carry on, the belief that it will get better, that I can become more than I am. Life is not always happy or comfortable, I do appreciate that, have experienced it. People live with many kinds of pain, and with quiet despair too - or hope.

I have read and thought about this a lot - all my life. Sometimes it is maddening, this search for meaning like a tangled ball of wool - other times I feel as if I have come close to some kind of truth.

As a teenager I read that in some forms of Buddhism there is an idea of boddhisatva. This is a person who has become free of suffering themselves, but decides not to somehow dissolve into endless heavenly bliss but to stay in the world until every last being is free from suffering.

''If I do not go to the hell to help the suffering beings there, who else will go? ... if the hells are not empty I will not become a Buddha. Only when all living beings have been saved, will I attain Bodhi.''

To me, this is such a beautiful idea. I know its not everyone's cup of tea. For me, though, I love the practical ones. The Samaritans who quietly hold the fort at 1 am, listening patiently, the gardeners at the hospice and the stalwart and kind Quakers. The ladies at the cat sanctuary. The foster families. The GP who takes time to care. There is an amazing amount of love and care out there. It just doesn't always shout. I'm probably agnostic, but I do believe in 'the still, small voice'.

Just finished re-reading Etty Hillesum's diary. There is something to rekindle my belief in the spark even in the midst of great suffering. I do not say that flippantly.

Have to go and cuddle up with DS (8), who is scared of the dark and being on his own, he's come down stairs in search of solace and monkeynuts :)

If only I could do the same for some of you - to give you a comfortable sleep, a safe feeling and the bright morning ahead. I do wish I could, and I hope you find it. P.s. Sorry for rambling, and lack of paragraphing. Just wanted to throw my tupppence in!

Such a beautiful post KisstheTeapot14

Brazen
I've always thought being told you should gratitude is a bit of a weird one; To people who help you in life whether it's family or your doctor yes. But gratitude to the universe which is completely just pot luck. Who are thanking? Or is it like the saying, 'people have it worse.' That doesn't make life seem great!

Lovely post teapot

I agree teapot that helping others is the point of life. Just to flip it what if mentally or physically you can't help others as much as you want. You can't have children to soothe, you are not well enough to volonteer or even help family members because your body won't allow it. You feel a burden and selfish.

Anyway I'm just trying to give the other pov. I know there are great things. Having a cuddle or a laugh is wonderful.

For all the easy, blessed lives, there are people going through your worst nightmares without respite. It's not about attitude. I put on a very convincing positive and cheerful front to the world - it is not how I feel inside, and it is not how I am when alone. It's not real.

This is so sad though. For the people living the worst nightmares I really do wonder what makes one person see hope that tomorrow will be better, and another person want to give up and drown in despair. If not attitude then maybe it's built in resilience? I know I grew up in a living nightmare and wanted to do anything possible to get out. My brother who lived the same nightmare has always struggled through depression and addiction. He functions now but I don't think he is happy. He likes to be the victim who sees the worst in things whereas I like to be the survivor who focuses on the good moments amongst the shit. If we both had the same nurture, then it must be nature? Perhaps it's built into us before we're even born.

I'm sorry if this is controversial but I do think people who persistently focus on the positives tend to have better outcomes in life.

I think life is harder now because of its spiralling complexity. I don’t mean physically harder, but everything seems so overwhelming at times. For the first time in my life I’ve been seriously considering selling up and buying a little place somewhere remote. I’m not depressed but I feel like we’ve lost sight of the purpose of living. It’s all stuff stuff stuff and social media. It’s bollocks.

Life could be such a rare thing in the universe that we should take advantage of it. Of all the things in existence, how many are likely to be aware of themselves? We have been given a gift, be it welcome or unwelcome.

I love life. My children, grown up, DH snoring next to me, cat soft and purring. View from the house, scent of daohne, life in the pond,, literature, music, rainbows, raindrops, the smell of earth and cut grass. Fresh fruit from the garden, brackish air at the seaside - and soft sand and salty chops.

Moules frites, english lamb and new pots. The joy of home cooking.

I'm glad I'm alive. Although nothing truly terrible has happened to me I've had some horrendous bouts of depression that left me suicidal. I clung on, somehow, and I'm still here, marvelling at the beauty I see all around me, listening to music that I love, and enjoying whatever I can. I've seen my favourite band three times, made wonderful friends. I'm glad I'm alive in this period of history, things are so much better than they were even a few hundred years ago.

i agree. Its just one thing after another.

Seriously though, i keep hearing how life is all about connections. In my experience other people are self interested yet nosy. They don't really care, they just like a good gossip. Hence why MN exists in the first place.

It seems to me perfectly possible to go through life with the shallowest of relationships. When i was a child my mum said she'd 'love me forever'. Trouble is, her definition of love includes physical abuse both towards me and my dcs. In the words of Livia from the Sopranos "It's all a big nothing".

Surely whether or not life is overrated depends on who is doing the rating?

My perception of life has waxed and waned over the years, from dizzying heights to suicidal depressions. I think on balance I am more towards the "Eeyore" philosophy than the "Live love laugh" one. I found a lot more peace in myself once I accepted that I didn't really like being alive very much - life feels like something of an endurance test to me sometimes. However, I am stuck here living this life, so I might as well make the best of it. I started to do things that made being alive and on this planet more bearable, and then even enjoyable, and now I am not feeling suicidal at all and feel as if I don't have long enough left to fit everything I want to do in!

Which is nice, upon reflection.

I had breast cancer when I was 27 and then found out that I have the brca gene so have lived with the threat of it returning.
I've had lots of life's trials, sick kids,annoying kids,divorce etc.
I'm not rich but I love simple stuff and don't really have huge aspirations but I really like my life and having cancer at such an early age did make me really appreciate how precious it was.

I think life is harder now because of its spiralling complexity... It’s all stuff stuff stuff and social media

You seriously think that having an increasing materialistic society and social media (which is optional, by the way) is more difficult than children up chimneys or in dangerous factories (if they're the "lucky" ones who didn't die before age 5), belonging to your husband and being raped by him whenever, dying in childbirth or of something now easily curable, having no sewerage, sanitation or heating, or a million other horrific things affecting people in the past?

Jesus wept.

I'm paraphrasing something Bruno Bettelheim said and yes, I know he was well dodgy and, yes, he did kill himself, but: "There is no purpose in life, but we must live as there was."