Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

To think life is overrated

213 replies

dexent · 25/09/2018 06:52

You're born without having a choice. Then you live a life. Some of it might be good, some of it bad. You might get a lot more of one than the other. Alot of it is out of your hands. You then die. What was the point. This life is so temporary, so fleeting yet we cling on to it so dearly.

OP posts:
Womaningreen · 25/09/2018 12:14

@Rousette

That's an observation for me, not for anyone else. I was amazed to get to 40! My life features chronic illness as well as depression and anxiety. It's okay, I fully appreciate that I have good things in my life. I like to see the moon. But I don't think that kind of thing is enough for me to keep battling on for years.

But do I want to watch our overpopulated hell hole continue on? Not really. If I get a few years of (early) retirement, if mum goes and I'm able to live in the countryside, a few years of peace and quiet would be nice. I don't want much more than that. I've had a few friends die young and while it was devastating at the time, I realise how much they never had to face, which is some comfort.

I recently posted about a TV show - no spoilers in case - where it is said of someone that getting to 40, for her, was great. That's why I had a big thing on turning 40. At 30, I really couldn't see 40. I thought I'd take all the pills in the house long before!

I like it when posters post threads like this. I'm sure more people think life is overrated but it's not something you can say in real life.

Storm4star · 25/09/2018 12:16

You can still love the life you have but think that life overall is pointless. I don't think it's one or the other. I really enjoy my life, hence why I would rather not die this moment! But, when it is my time, I will say goodbye with a smile and feel happy for what I had. I won't be clinging on full of regrets and sadness. Yes, the process of actual dying will be scary! I'm not totally fearless! But you do not really gain anything from trying to desperately cling to life.

Womaningreen · 25/09/2018 12:17

Thomlin "just being genuinely happy for no reason. "

I do get that, but at the mo, with a sick elderly mother, it's not happening often. I love my mother but the burden is immense and the knowledge it could last several years is quite painful.

Thomlin · 25/09/2018 12:17

Roussette crosspost about the moon, spoooky 🔮😂😂

Roussette · 25/09/2018 12:18

Fair enough womaningreen. It just hit a bit of a nerve for me being an old 'un here!

I hope you get your peace and quiet and the little things in life get more and more for you. Flowers

Storm4star · 25/09/2018 12:20

I love my mother but the burden is immense and the knowledge it could last several years is quite painful

This is a position I never ever want to put my own children in. I will do whatever it takes to avoid that if it is within my power.

Roussette · 25/09/2018 12:20

Thomlin yes! I was lucky enough last night to look through someone's mega expensive massive telescope at the moon (clear night abroad) and I was just blown away, really I was. Then the space station went over and I thought how insignificant we all really are, but how lucky I am to be alive and see these things.

Thomlin · 25/09/2018 12:23

Womaningreen I can relate, my grandmother who is the closest thing I have to a mother is living with us at the moment due to repeated strokes. It's not easy as she is a shell of her formal self, but I do think she has had a long and happy life, she's loved and she's seen as much of the world as she wanted to... and I can still see many positives all around us. Life is really too short to worry about the one absolute fact that we'll all die someday, and does it not make it that bit easier for our own loved ones when it's our time to go, if they knew we lived a full and happy life? Flowers

Titsywoo · 25/09/2018 12:31

This is a sad thread! Is life pointless? I guess depending on how you look at it but so what? We can experience so many wonderful things (as well as terrible things obviously) that why not make the most of it.

retainertrainer · 25/09/2018 12:51

I have moments where I just think what is the bloody point in it all? It’s exhausting and hard. I’ve got a chronic illness which clouds my thoughts as on my good days I’m loving life and I have had a lot of good luck and lots to be thankful for but I just struggle to get my head around it sometimes.

We work and save and spend and work and clean and worry and work and on and on and on. I can’t waif for retirement but by that stage I know I’ll be good for nothing!

Womaningreen · 25/09/2018 12:54

@Thomlin

I don't really understand the comment you've addressed to me. [embarrassed]

@Rousette

I don't see 60 as old, I just see it as being more than enough for me! I have friends in their 60s, it's not old at all.

surferjet · 25/09/2018 12:59

Thomlin

Your post is the reason I use mumsnet.
So inspirational.
Thank you. Flowers

Emmageddon · 25/09/2018 13:35

@Thomlin

Thank goodness there are some positive people around. This thread is really depressing.

For anyone struggling with low mood, this is not a good discussion to participate in.

WallabyWay · 25/09/2018 13:44

I don't see what's wrong with people admitting that they find life is hard and often overwhelming. I suffer from depression and find it much more helpful to be allowed to share than my honest feelings than to be expected to put up and shut up and go around with a smile on my face when I'm on the verge of collapse.

Monday55 · 25/09/2018 13:47

Life would be better if we were not slaves to money...

SnuggyBuggy · 25/09/2018 13:50

It's all very well saying life is what you make it when some people have a lot to work with and others very little

blue25 · 25/09/2018 14:00

Life has meaning for many people. Their own personal meaning, not necessarily a universal one. It's an important thing to think about and discover. I find it surprising & sad that so many people can see no meaning in their life.

Thatstheendofmytether · 25/09/2018 14:10

I love life, I dont have a famtastic life, sometimes its a bit of a struggle and I go through periods of depression but I'm terrified of dying and not seeing my children or grand children grow up amd missing put on everything once im gone, but yes I don't really see the point in life. I try and make the most of it and not worry too much about pointless things that don't really matter because that triggers the depression, it gets quite unbearable in my head sometimes.

Storm4star · 25/09/2018 14:22

I think its the whole searching for "meaning" that messes a lot of people up! Why does life have to have meaning? It's literally only humans that search for something deeper to life. Every other species just gets on with it! It really is as simple as you're born, you live, you die. Game over!

MephistophelesApprentice · 25/09/2018 14:22

People can say "life is what you make it" but considering that free will is a scientific impossibility, that every event is either predetermined or the result of empty chaos there's not much opportunity to implement changes.

Some people are going through a life-track with sufficient positive stimuli to distract them from the yawning existential void. Others are unable to escape awareness of the hideous cosmic joke our self-awareness represents. It's all just dice in the end.

StrangeLookingParasite · 25/09/2018 14:23

Life is what you make it. Stop wallowing in self pity, and be grateful for what you've got.

^^Least helpful post on the entire thread.

You have to find a way to make your own meaning. Sometimes this is hard.

PoisonousSmurf · 25/09/2018 14:31

Life is life, but I was taught to never take it for granted and to never be VERY happy as that's when it all goes wrong.
How many times do you hear of people dying or having bad accidents when everything was going perfectly for them?
Loads of times!
I'm always having to curb my happiness, but once I get to 70 I'll not give a damn. Death can take me then!

Misty9 · 25/09/2018 14:39

I think this is a very interesting, and validating, thread. I've heard that the book Staring at the sun, by Irving yalom, address this very question and is very good (it's on my reading list). For me, the pp who said that people who want to make a difference and feel others pain more intensely often experience the futility more keenly, hits the nail on the head. Noticing the little things can make the most difference - like marvelling at the moon and enjoying a beautiful day (like today here).

But it doesn't stop it feeling like hard work at other times. And that's okay.

GlassHeart1 · 25/09/2018 14:45

I think this (OP's) realisation comes with age - when you have lived through enough to notice that you will never get things/people that could possibly make the life better and the hope and optimism ebbs away.
Sure, you can enjoy little things even then but you can't change the big picture.

I am with you OP Flowers

Tobythecat · 25/09/2018 15:00

Its hard to be optimistic when you are autistic and the milestones like getting a job, getting married, having kids just dont happen for you, but they do so pretty easily for everyone else. I have never been on a date or had a job at 27 and i dont think i ever will. I would rather die at 40 and have a full life of the 'normal' stuff that people moan about, than to live to be 90 as i am now.

Sorry. Its just really hit me today that i will unlikely ever find love and after my mum is gone i will have nobody and will have to navigate this terrifying world all alone.