To think life is overrated

[dexent]

You're born without having a choice. Then you live a life. Some of it might be good, some of it bad. You might get a lot more of one than the other. Alot of it is out of your hands. You then die. What was the point. This life is so temporary, so fleeting yet we cling on to it so dearly.

There's an art to it. To learn how to appreciate the little things, which really are the big things, that's when we realise what an amazing thing this is. I'm not an expert btw, I'm working on it

Try to imagine never having heard music then hearing it for the first time, the same with taste and all the other senses. We take things for granted. If you watch children seeing something for the first time, it's magical for them. We've lost that.

People have been looking into the pointlessness of life forever. Look at Sartre or nilhism. Look at the old poets expressing how crap life is. Look at religion how it gives meaning by sheer faith.

I remember reading waiting for godot and it resonated. Life is suffering. Life is waiting.

I don't believe we have free choice like many would have you believe. Yet moan about it and you're negative. Nope it's fact. Life is hard... and to what end.

Tobythecat. I feel similiar.

A lot depends on if you are an optimistic or pessimistic person. I think these are character traits we are born with and can't fundamentally change.
Disagree I think circumstance can change your outlook lots of times during life. It's about hope. You could have an awful past or tragic circumstances but if still recover. Knowing things can never get better is much harder.

Don't have children and go to Dignitas

It's expensive and not that easy. There are lots of people in daily pain who want to die and can't.

It is the little things.

The sun is shining, have a walk in the fresh air.

Enjoy a nice cup of tea.

Just sit and be.

Think about life is just too big to imagine. Try to be in the moment. People that have bad things happen to them also have the lovely little moments too.

For me it's not about a point or a meaning

I just would have liked better health and fewer bad things and for just paying the bills to be less of a battle. Not everyone gets the degree of control that seems to be experienced by some posters.

With chronic health conditions, many of us are limited by them, no matter how many inspirational videos there are on YouTube.

As I said, yes I like to look at the moon. But after that I take my meds, battle insomnia, and then next day have to work and deal with mum even if on two hours kip. The moon isn't a compensation for that!

I am better health than I was in my 20s and my childhood though. 20s being particularly hard because obviously as a child, my folks supported me and I had school holidays! Hitting the work place with health issues is another reason I'm amazed I got to 40.

I'm grateful for improved health, but it's not enough to make me think "woo hoo, life is a gift".

But I do think the older you get the more you appreciate life, I really do.

But I do think the older you get the more you appreciate life, I really do

I'm not sure I agree. The older I've become (late 40s now) the more I've realised we're all just hamsters on a wheel! I've had a lot of shit to deal with and it's wearing. I'm tired. Yes there's been some nice moments. I'm not unhappy as such. But many things were out of my power to change such as my crap upbringing, health problems I've had etc.

A lot of us don't enjoy work. My jobs ok, I get paid a decent wage for it. But would I work if I didn't have to? No. And work takes up a huge chunk of our lives. Then a lot of us have other commitments on top of that. Very little of our lives is our own to do what we want with. It is a cycle of earning and spending that consumes most of our adult lives. Look at how much people spend on owning a home! (and how many years they work to pay for it). Do they ever say at someones funeral "she owned a nice 4 bed in Surrey"?? No. It is all pointless when you really break it down.

Ultimately I agree that everyone should try and make the best of the time they have here. But I also agree with OP.

@hurricanefloss for me, turning 50 was a turning point.

It's either uphill or downhill from now on, I thought.

What struck me was that age had little bearing on a person' zest for life.

I have met 90 year olds having fun cross country skiing and 18 year olds with the weight of the world on their shoulders, holed up in their rooms.

Considering the shortest period of your life is when you are physically young (0-49) you could be looking at the same or more of your lifespan spent 'old' ifswim.

That made me sit up and want to change my attitude as Mandela ( I think it was said): Be the change you want to see in the world.

So as I suffer from a chronic illness and was in such pain I became immobile I knew I had to be proactive to get fitter and I was offered a free gym pass after a course of physiotherapy.

I was signed off work so started off by going to all the classes I could physically manage and swimming too ( I took swim lessons as I wasn't very good).

I didn't think about it, I just went and made it a new ritual and priority.

I didn't beat myself up if I missed a session and eventually I just stuck with the ones I enjoyed.

I found walking enjoyable so practised speeding up and slowing down and never doing anything strenuous. I started off just 5 minutes, then a bit longer, then longer and now I regularly go for an hour or 2 and for about 9km.

I found I didn't enjoy swimming for more than half an hour so that became my new goal: just go for a manageable time length.

Basically, I made getting fit a priority and as a result I have had to adjust my life to fit it in but the benefits have far outweighed anything I could have envisaged.

I think the most overlooked aspect is how it oxygenates the brain and lifts the mood and you can practise mindfulness, meditation and go over what you are thankful for in life while you are doing it.

I enjoy speeding up the pace a bit too now so who cares if I'll never be a sprinter, the fact I can keep going and want to do it and it makes me proud of myself.

I am aproaching mid 50s now and I feel healthier than I have ever have in my life, I know it's an old cliche but it's never too late to start!

I literally got so fed up with myself I woke up the next day and decided everything was going to change. I was an exciting moment to realise we really do have that power within us to get it to work for us rather than against us.

I don't know what makes self sabotage so attractive but I was caught in that negative cycle for over 30 years and just one day decided enough's enough.

Woman so sorry I think I misunderstood your post as being about finding it hard to see joy due to your mums illness rather than about the daily grind of caring for her which is what I think you mean now?

I'll quote you here: "As I said, yes I like to look at the moon. But after that I take my meds, battle insomnia, and then next day have to work and deal with mum even if on two hours kip. The moon isn't a compensation for that!"

I think this might be the difference though is that some people do see "the little things" like finding joy in a beautiful sight, a warm bath, a cup of tea, bumping into an old friend etc, as making up for the daily slog of work, illness, housework, debt, money worries etc. I'm not sure it's possible to become one of these people, but if it was imagine how much more fulfilling life would be?

It's all very well saying life is what you make it when some people have a lot to work with and others very little

I find this really contradictory though. Isn't this what some posters (including me) are trying to say? A single mum, raising a child on apprentice wages getting up at 5am to study for college before walking in the freezing rain to nursery because you can't drive, before a full days work for very little money, rinse & repeat, on paper sounds like very little to work with- but actually if that's the reality of your life (and it was mine 8 years ago) why wouldn't you find joy in every single piece you could?

I used to look forward to a coffee in my thermos on the bus with the ipod in. Seeing your babys face light up when you pick them up from nursery. Turning getting home to no electrics (because you can't afford the tenner for the meter) into an adventure and camping out on the living room floor with candles. You get the idea. I've been poor (then) and I've been well off (now) but my levels of happiness in life are about the same because I've always been able to see the good things more clearly than the bad.

Life is what you make it, blah blah blah.

Sometimes you work your arse off to make the best of things, to endure the tough times in the hope you'll one day reach better times, to appreciate the tiny positives... And yet your life continues to get catastrophically worse to the point where it is about nothing more than trying to survive constant pain and suffering, repeated traumas, major losses.

Where even the tiny things you find to cling onto, the tiny ways you try to find to have minuscule moments of pleasure... They all get snuffed out too.

Where when you find some measure of acceptance that your life will always be punctuated by loss, trauma, and pain, the doors to the not-even-that-wild-or-ambitious hopes and dreams you had for your future have all been bricked up, and continue to be bricked up as you readjust your aspirations rapidly downwards.

Where you then find out, just as you settle on enduring the hellish existence you've been dealt and hoping it doesn't get any worse, you find out you have disastrous health problems that in one fell swoop snatch away any possibility of a less painful life - and mean you're quite likely not to have a life at all for much longer.

So all the trying to make the best of it, and focusing on the positives, and trying to work your arse off to make it better, just mean you won yourself the chance to have even more horrific experiences than you ever imagined possible. With no trade off whatsoever.

There is no quota of trauma or horror after which you're guaranteed happier times. For all the easy, blessed lives, there are people going through your worst nightmares without respite. It's not about attitude. I put on a very convincing positive and cheerful front to the world - it is not how I feel inside, and it is not how I am when alone. It's not real. I would have to be insane to genuinely feel happy with what's happening to me.

Frankly, most people I've met who spout "life is what you make it" or "focus on the positives" or "be grateful for the little things" have no fucking clue how absolutely mindboggling horrific some people's lives actually are. And how much worse it can always, always get.

Suffering is not a fucking character failing. If you haven't experienced it in the same way then you're not superior, you're just fucking lucky.

Brilliant post, Prettyvase.

And Anouk, I wish I could give you a break from what sounds like a treadmill of shit. There are a lot of naïve people who actually believe in a just world, where the good get rewarded and the bad get punished.

There are a lot of naïve people who actually believe in a just world, where the good get rewarded and the bad get punished

From what I see around me, it seems like the nastier you are, the better your life...and vice versa.

@AnoukSpirit

Brilliant post, incredibly eloquent, though obvs I'm sorry we seem to be feeling the same

I was listening to this today. The intro in particular helped me break the nihilism of my day

@Anouk

I think there is something in where you are aiming and then how this translates to what you expect.

I don't ever expect to have no suffering in my life. Life is tough, and I am under absolutely no illusions. I have had to endure much much suffering in my life, but I don't aim for happiness. I aim for 'getting through', surviving, triumphing over suffering, getting order out of chaos. I may have fleeting moments of 'happiness' but its not an expectation to feel that all the time.

I generally feel just OK, and like I can take what is thrown at me (especially because by some miracle I have survived life so far!). Then I make time to be grateful for the things I do have, because even though I have had many hard times, I also have good things and good time in my life.

There are a lot of naïve people who actually believe in a just world, where the good get rewarded and the bad get punished

That is a victim mentality. Of course the world isn't fair - but what are you going to do about it? Sit and mope all your life?

You are firmly placing your 'happiness' in the hands of an external and difficult to quantify system. Life isn't fair - so what?

That is what is hard being around people with such pessimistic views. Yes, some people have more luck. One day it might be you - then what? Are you going to take the hate and bitterness from people not so lucky? It's just the way life goes, we are essentially animals doing our best to survive in an imperfect system. You ain't gonna change that so its your choice as to how you adapt to it.

I think life is pretty amazing!

The choices we can make, the options that are available to us blow my mind sometimes. Ok, some things take a bit or a lot of time and effort to do, but in general we can choose careers we like, (more and more people retraining to do this) spend our free time how we like, volunteering for causes that matter to us, enjoying time with the people who we love, making them smile. We can travel to almost anywhere, even if it means saving up for years. I'm not saying that it's perfect, but we have so much freedom of choice and opportunity in this country and at this time, i find it really inspiring.

I am religious, and I try to show love to others and to count my blessings. It's so easy to focus on what we don't have, and I find it does me the world of good to focus on what I do.

I agree with PPs that care services for the elderly can be horrendous. It's a very sad state of affairs and the quality of some people's lives can be very low. I would love to see this change. I don't think fear of those last years rob us of all the joy that can be found in all the rest of them though

So glad to see this thread has taken a positive turn for the last few posters.

I found this post so sad and potentially dangerous to someone if their mental health is already compromised.

A bit on the news today about how life span has stalled. First time since 1982 and I wondered to myself, why would I want to live past 95 or 100? So OK if I am compos mentis, great, but surely my body would be in a state of near total collapse, I would need a lot of daily care and most things would be beyond my capacity to do for myself.
That is not what I would want.
As it is, I enjoy small things and try not to sweat the big stuf.
I am bi polar so get a big kick one end and the depths of despair down the other without getting off at any of the stops in between so I would say I ahve a skewed view.
My dad died aged 33....which has permanently tinted my view on life. It is fragile, fleeting and we neither know the time nor the place when it might land and you can either have that hanging ove ryour head permanently or simply be in the moment. Not easy, it just takes practise.

@Prettyvase - thanks for your reply

@Anouk, I agree it's not a moral failing to be unhappy.

It’s not a moral issue in any way to be unhappy.

It’s a maladaptive response to the opportunity you have. There is no moral imperative to be ‘happy’ but you might want to consider it for your own wellbeing.

If you don’t think you have opportunity living in the UK, despite the universality of human suffering, that is faulty thinking. But yes, agree not a moral issue

I think sometimes it's just a normal response. Personally I find trying to be positive when I'm not makes me feel worse.

I went through a really miserable few years after university. There wasn't anything I could have done apart from wait it out and then luckily my circumstances changed.

Sometimes accepting it, being open to the possibility of opportunities and changes is the only way.