Just asked DH to get a vasectomy

[prettymuchaceleb]

Here's to hoping he goes and gets one! His main concern is lasting pain long after the op(although I pointed out how I have had episiotomies and c sections and they had slight pain ) , any horror stories or is it mostly ok?
I'm hoping to rejuvenate our sex life somewhat also, after years of being on the blasted pill.

And I think you'll find I very much have not been 'dissing men'.

I have been loudly singing the praises of the best kind of men.

I would never ask my OH to do this. I think it should be a personal choice. Imagine OH asking you to have your tubes tied... no.

Then we will have to disagree, but you stay with your name calling because that makes you so easy to have a discussion with and it seems to be the only point that you can make

My dh is ‘too busy at work’ to have it done. He is in every way a wonderful husband and father but he’s being an absolute twat about this.

No, it’s no ‘my body my choice’ it’s my body OUR choice to have three children. If there was an option to have children without me being permanently messed up by it, I would have taken that. The ‘body/choice’ stuff only starts when the poor men have to take some responsibility for themselves

Considering I've been thanked for my posts, that's hardly true, but say it if it makes you feel better.

@sansouci - I didn't have to ask my DH; he offered.

My view is that I can think of various areas of my body (physically and mentally) which have been irreversibly damaged by childbirth. So to me a vasectomy doesn't seem like a big deal at all. If he refused to get a vasectomy in case of injury then I could refuse to get pregnant and I bet he wouldn't be happy right ? Can't have it both ways. As it goes he would like another one (I have one with him and one with previous man) but I can't take the mental strain of children yet again and he accepts this.

I regretted having my tubes tied, even though it was my choice. Life is unpredictable...

If there was a option for sterilisation thst didn’t involve vasectomy, that would be as discussed as the option for having kids without me having to take the brunt of hormones/physical suffering. As it is, women do the birth, men do the vasectomy. Unless they’re happy to watch their women deal with risky pregnancy but then not prepared to deal with a far less risky vasectomy. Like I said. Not men worth their salt

when you are talking about choices that you have made for your body, and come up with reasonable points against his/her body, his/her choice, then you might get some movement in opinion. You are ignoring the choices that you have made in order to force someone to make a choice over a body that doesn't belong to you.

I would never ask my DH to have one.after 3 kids I decided to be clipped.

My dad insisted my mum have her fubes tied because he didn't want a vasectomy, and didn't listen to my mum telling him she wasn't finished with children. She ended up getting her tubes tied. Then when she got woth my stepdad, she was unable to have any more children even though they both would have liked them (reversal not available on the NHS because my mum already had children, and whenever they started saving up, other things cropped up so they gave up) My DP has seen the impact pregnancy has had on me. He has carried me to the toilet when my hips are so bad i can't walk. He has bathed me, carried me, slept on the sofa for god knows how long, just so that I'm comfortable. And as soon as we both said "no more" he immediately said "I'll have a vasectomy" no emotional blackmail (unless you class physical disability as blackmail) or forcing. All his choice. He is a much better man than my dad ever was or will.be.

Relationships don't always last a lifetime (massive understatement); you can't ask someone to end their fertility for you. It's just not right.

@BoneyBackJefferson I don't think anyone is saying that it wouldn't ultimately be the man's choice so therefore the mantra "your body your choice" holds true, but this isn't something that men should be encouraged to hide behind to abdicate all responsibility relating to reproduction and it's prevention. I don't know many women who would actively choose to take contraception and deal with the associated adverse side effects just for the hell of it, but they are making a responsible choice in order to prevent something even worse which is an unplanned pregnancy. In a loving relationship this burden shouldn't be placed so readily on the woman when the side effects can be appalling and some methods of contraception aren't necessarily that effective anyway. How many threads on here are started by women who have fallen unintentionally pregnant whilst on contraception, can't face an abortion but their partner doesn't want to stay if she proceeds with the pregnancy? Ultimately I think men are more reluctant to step up as they aren't the ones that will deal with the full repercussions if their partner does get pregnant and this is ethically dispicable. If men were the ones to get pregnant, I can guarantee they would be much keener to run the risks of a vasectomy versus the alternative.

Of course it is about personal choice but what class of a man thinks all the physical hardship and pain and damage is going to be his partner's?

Again @sansouci - many men are willing to do it, without being asked.

...and in case, there is hardly anything wrong with asking, if you don't have a man who's willing to just do it.

‘You’re not fucking me until you get a vasetomy’ Is not forcing anyone to do anything. It’s just making it quite clear that you’re not fucking me until you get a vasetomy. The only hypocrisy here are from men who want to enjoy the benefits of risk to a women’s body whilst taking none for themselves. They are weak and not worthy of a woman’s love in my opinion

@sansouci Relationships don't always last a lifetime (massive understatement); you can't ask someone to end their fertility for you. It's just not right. But if both parties are in agreement that they don't want anymore children then it's not like you're asking someone to end their fertility for you is it? I really hate the assumption that if a relationship fails then a man will need his fertility in order to start another family. He's an adult and presumably is able to decide if he's done having kids irrespective of his current or future relationships status. Also your post implies that women are by default responsible for preventing the conception of further children and the man is doing her a favour by taking responsibility for this. Awful way of thinking... Like those that says "it's the kindest cut".

Relationships with your kids DO last a lifetime. These people claiming men can and should just go off and breed more if they leave their marriage seem to be forgetting that. How are the children any less his if he leaves our marriage? What sort of nonsense is thst

If a woman feels strongly about not wanting to go through another pregnancy/miscarriage or cannot/will not use birth control, getting her tubes tied is an obvious choice. But she shouldn't expect her partner to have a vasectomy. If he decides independently to have one, that's fine too. It's a personal choice.

I have to say, and this has been niggling for some time, there is something deeply contemptible about taking a cornerstone of women's liberation - my body, my choice - and using it against the woman you supposedly love.

And in doing so, you remove her choice and her full autonomy over her body.

By choosing not to, you force the woman to choose to.

I find it quite repellent, and yes, weak.

And this is nothing to do with being 'manly'. Clearly women are much stronger, and more capable than a subset of men, anyway. That much is clear.

I left my marriage and regretted my choice to have my tubes tied because I wanted to have a child with my new partner. But it was my choice; no one guilt-tripped me into it.

I had two awful pregnancies. Severe sickness, spd (that didn’t go until months after I’d given birth) and carpal tunnel syndrome in the first and hyperemesis and spd in the second. I also breastfed (my second for over 2 years) and had pnd/anxiety after both. I’d been on hormonal contraception for years, I didn’t want to keep doing it. It makes me crazy. Dh didn’t want to use condoms forever but refused to get the snip. I couldn’t force him so I’ve had my tubes clipped. I had to have an operation because he was too scared to go through what is normally a simple procedure. Yes I think less of him for it. What can I do though? I couldn’t risk another pregnancy with two kids and the kind of sickness I had. So I had to sort myself out for my own peace of mind. I was only 33 when I had it done and luckily the consultant could see how adamant I was. Fuck knows what happens nowadays when women are getting refused sterilisation left right and centre.

On the plus side for men, vasectomies can sometimes (usually?) be reversed. Not so for female sterilization.