Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Could you send your 13 year old away to boarding school?

266 replies

ShowOfHands · 17/09/2018 18:58

If offered a full scholarship to an outstanding boarding school 150 miles away? If there was no way you could afford private education and your child was quite remarkably bright? The alternative is a good local comprehensive. Would you even consider it?

OP posts:
Dancergirl · 19/09/2018 10:41

On a practical level, one of the benefits of boarding that my dd loves is no travelling, everything is on site.

MrsChollySawcutt · 19/09/2018 13:44

Same here Dancergirl. All the after school activities and clubs are a big part of the appeal for DD & DS.

As DS put it at last weekend when he met up with his friends from primary "when my friends are waiting at the bus stop and the. sitting on the bus to school I'm with my friends eating a nice cooked breakfast and playing football before school starts.'

serbska · 19/09/2018 14:11

100% if my child wanted to and the school felt like a good fit for my child.

It isn't like boarding school in roald dahl books any more! Schools have god pastoral care now. frequent exeats and foster a good environment socially and academically.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

13 year olds General education Private schooling Secondary education
TheBlessedCheesemaker · 19/09/2018 14:12

DS is 200 miles away and despite being a 6'2 rugger type is a real home boy. Yet he thrives at boarding school. He does get homesick - misses the pets and his bedroom ad his cousins - so we do lots of exeats (every other weekend pretty much), but he absolutely loves the school he goes to. As he says, there is no perfect solution (he is at a very specific school for a very specific reason), he'd miss the specific opportunity if he was at home, and would miss home at any school. We have given him the choice time and again and he wants to stay. He is adamant that day school as an alternative wouldn't work (he feels very strongly that being a day pupil at a boarding school means only getting half the benefits).
I probably go there and back once a week just to take him out for dinner, deliver snacks and suchlike.
FWIW we now have experience of 4 different private senior schools and everyone is aware of the bursary kids and the only difference it makes is that the other kids ALWAYS cover the costs of those with less money - friendship groups will include oligarchs and wealthy families and church mice types, and the richest kids get leaned on to pay. Perhaps we've been lucky in this regard, but I suspect all of my DC would shun money snobs as repulsively as they would shun someone who was racist or disablist.

serbska · 19/09/2018 14:12

Whilst I understand the benefits of going to boarding school what would put me off is the child missing out on day to day family life.
I absolutely loved my kids being teens and we still use the same family jokes and memories. It's about the shared family history that's important to me and as it turns out my boys.

Thing is, for a 2 parent working household where the parents aren't back home until 7.30, and/or the children are in multiple extra curricular activities (be it sport, drama, music) - how many shared family moments do you get during the week?

FishCanFly · 19/09/2018 14:24

Over my dead body. Children belong in their families, with their siblings and their pets.

MrsChollySawcutt · 19/09/2018 14:55

It's school, not the workhouse. There is plenty of quality family time with siblings and pets.

RomanyRoots · 19/09/2018 14:57

Ha Ha

Children belong in their families, with their siblings and their pets

Yeah, because kids who board don't belong with their families, siblings and pets. What utter bollocks!

Stupomax · 19/09/2018 14:57

Over my dead body. Children belong in their families, with their siblings and their pets.

LOL - mine couldn't wait to get away from her siblings.

She does miss her pets though.

MarshaBradyo · 19/09/2018 14:58

Adults don’t always love it though do they, eg on a work trip missing home. Yeh children adapt quickly but just because there’s Skype now it doesn’t make you think yeh that’s the same as being in my own home

akkakk · 19/09/2018 14:59

And don’t forget they usually do less GCSEs in private schools (hence better results?). The kids at privates around here do an average 9-10, whereas in the state schools the average is 11-12 (sometimes they go up to 13).

I am not sure that results and number of GCSEs is the direct correlation... the reality is that many independent schools are selective, so there will be an element of choice of child -> level of results... The reason why independent schools choose the number of GCSEs is usually about a rounded education - balancing music / sport / extra-curricular / exams / etc.

In my experience (attended private prep & state primary & private secondary / have been a school governor of 13 schools over the last 18 years in both state and independent sectors) - that is the biggest difference - the ability to provide a much richer and wider education. Not an exclusive difference, but definitely a noticeable one. Last school I was involved with didn't have one sports hall - it had a number of sports halls - purpose built music concert hall and practice rooms / etc. etc.

Ultimately the number of GCSEs is a fairly irrelevant fact once you are into and then past A-levels, no-one really cares if you got 8 / 9 / 12 / 13 etc... having a child grow into a more rounded adult is far more important

RomanyRoots · 19/09/2018 15:03

Whilst I understand the benefits of going to boarding school what would put me off is the child missing out on day to day family life.
I absolutely loved my kids being teens and we still use the same family jokes and memories. It's about the shared family history that's important to me and as it turns out my boys

Once again, I wonder why this is deemed as only applicable to day students. Why wouldn't this apply to boarders it sounds like my family tbh, except one boards.

MarshaBradyo · 19/09/2018 15:05

I’m not sure why standards are so different. Doesn’t everyone love the familiarity of their own home (mostly)

Stupomax · 19/09/2018 15:08

I absolutely loved my kids being teens and we still use the same family jokes and memories. It's about the shared family history that's important to me and as it turns out my boys.

It's funny the things people imagine about boarding school eg that you don't get to have this with your children.

Stupomax · 19/09/2018 15:10

I’m not sure why standards are so different. Doesn’t everyone love the familiarity of their own home (mostly)

I'm not sure what you mean?

My DD loves her own home and she loves her boarding school.

Similarly when I was a student I loved both my parents' house and my university halls/houses.

Now I'm an adult I love my own home and I love visiting my parents' house.

Is there a reason you can't do both?

RomanyRoots · 19/09/2018 15:11

marsha

What do you mean? standards of what?

bakingdemon · 19/09/2018 15:13

Another former scholarship kid here who went to school in the U.K. while my parents lived overseas. You should absolutely grab the opportunity given she wants to go. She'll be stretched and taught how to learn in a way that will benefit her for the rest of her life. She'll have the chance to do all sorts of extra curricular stuff your local comp is extremely unlikely to offer. And boarding school holidays are usually longer than state school holidays (4 weeks at Easter and Christmas, 8 weeks in the summer, plus a week's half term in each term), so you'd still see plenty of her.

BasiliskStare · 19/09/2018 15:20

It's not right for everyone but do some people actually understand how much time is spent at home ( if the school is near enough , practically , i.e. driving or train) and if the DC wants it during term time ? I suspect is it a great deal more than some think. But perhaps a Mumsnet sticky to warn , as a pp said , this topic divides opinions. Grin

As a side issue I am rather amused that my spell check doesn't recognise Mumsnet - well , underlines in red Grin

MarshaBradyo · 19/09/2018 15:22

That we expect children to be happy enough with Skype away from home when as an adult we wouldn’t feel it was enough

I know you all say your children are happy but as an ex boarder yes I grew into it but my own desire just to be in my own home was not listened to as much as I consider it for my own children

MarshaBradyo · 19/09/2018 15:24

And yes it worked out for me no great upset and a spring board but I still am so surprised at all the children who want to board on mn

So different to my experience- with socially well rounded weekly boarders - we were just homesick.

Stupomax · 19/09/2018 15:25

That we expect children to be happy enough with Skype away from home when as an adult we wouldn’t feel it was enough

My DD has no desire to Skype me. I have to nag her into calling me occasionally. I'm not sure where the double standard is here?

If my child wasn't happy I would not keep her at boarding school, and I worked extremely hard at making sure I listened to her especially in the early days, and made it very very clear that she could leave at any time.

Your parents may not have listened to you - but that does not mean that other parents on here are not listening to their children. Perhaps stop projecting.

MarshaBradyo · 19/09/2018 15:27

No I can’t rejate to your post
It’s not about listening
It was in response to all the oh it’s changed we Skype!

MarshaBradyo · 19/09/2018 15:27

Relate

MarshaBradyo · 19/09/2018 15:28

I wasn’t talking about you

RomanyRoots · 19/09/2018 15:28

baslisk

Well said.
We are close to dd school it's 40 mins either by train or car.
When we were called last year and told dd was taken to A&E as a precaution from a head injury, we were there far quicker than several of my state school friends, who would have had to leave work and get to school.

We spent almost 10 weeks together in the summer as I don't work and dh works from home mostly.

if there isn't anything organised at school for the weekend that she wants to attend, she is at home after lunch on saturday and returns to school sunday evening.
All she has to do is spend time with family, as everything else is done.
She certainly isn't gaming, texting, social media etc as she does this at school.