Could you send your 13 year old away to boarding school?

[ShowOfHands]

If offered a full scholarship to an outstanding boarding school 150 miles away? If there was no way you could afford private education and your child was quite remarkably bright? The alternative is a good local comprehensive. Would you even consider it?

I couldn't let my DD go, they're only young once, the time will never be able to be got back once it's passed. They have the rest of their lives to lead independent lives. I don't think I would have applied in the first place though so then a choice wouldn't need to be made.

What is it to explore her full potential? She's still young and navigating the local school may well prepare her better for real life.

I'd really struggle to let her go.

No, absolutely not.

Yes, absolutely, assuming my child wanted to go. What a fabulous opportunity.

The teenage years can be very difficult and defining. I'm not sure I'd want to be away from my DS, or him away from me, at this time in particular. No matter how good the other option was.

I wouldn't want her to look back and regret not being given the opportunity to try it.

If she wants to go, let her. You can move her back to the comp if it's not a good fit. Make sure she knows that it's okay to move back if she chooses.

Yep! Private schools offer so many opportunities for their students even after leaving. Stupid to pass it up.

Depends on the child and if they wanted to go. I've always thought my ds would probably love boarding school. He's very confident, popular and sociable. He's happiest when with his friends and would enjoy the camaraderie I'd imagine.

Probably not but depends on the child! If they are self-confident, fairly easy going in personality, independent, mature for their age and fairly resilient and used to living life at quite a fast pace and packing a lot in ...then I MIGHT just consider it. BUT the academic benefits would really have to really really worth it.

It would also depend on the head, the head of house, the ethos of the school, the pastoral care, the health care, the level of communication with parents and the DC my child would be associating with. (Peer pressure very much enhanced in boarding situation.)

I definitely would NOTsend a child if they had shaky self confidence, were anxious, sensitive or prone to illness.

I guess it also might be beneficial if they were an only child. Or if parents both working away or one parent ill or depressed or some such. Generally though, I think a child is better off with their family.

If it suited the child yes. 150miles is not far.

Yes if they wanted to go

Why would you go through the process of applying for a scholarship if you did not intend to allow your DD to attend if she got offered a place?

100% yes. I was a scholarship child. It changed my life. It has opened so many doors for me. My life is so rich and opportunities so plentiful. If 8 had gone to my local state school I would probably still be living in the town I grew up in with a degree in opthalmology or something. Not a bad life but in no way comparable to the way i live now.

Firstly, disregard the fact you're a socialist. It doesn't matter. Politics should not factor in your decision in what's best for your child.

Secondly, if she wants to go I'd say definitely give it a go. It's a great opportunity and if she goes and hates it, you can always return to mainstream school. You won't get the chance again if it's the other way round and you don't take it!

Yes I would have had opportunity presented itself. Two couples in my wider friendship group have teens who board, they come home about every 5 weeks for a weekend plus visit on some weekends and go out for jaunts. The kids are thriving, so much going on. Not just superb teaching, they learn musical instruments, play sports in top notch facilities and get taken to clubs like Scouts or Cadets. The parents couldn't facilitate or emulate all the extra curricular stuff. Let alone the forrin trips (Barbados cricket tour for eg).

No I couldn't do it.

Mind you dd doesn't even like staying at her grandparents house over night so it wouldn't be something dd would even consider!

I know several people who went to boarding school, some loved it and some have quite a few issues as a result of it.

I know a few kids who board and.tbh theyre home more often than theyre away. Every weekend and for all of the holidays.

I.think boarding school is less of.a wrench now with social media etc. My friends dd even joins in meals and movie.nights via her ipad and facetime. !!

The children are not the normal private school cohort iyswim. There wouldn't be a huge social gap between her and her peers. Quite the opposite in a lot of cases.

DD is mature, confident and has very good self esteem. She knows herself and is wise, driven and determined. But she is also socially isolated by her own abilities somewhat. She wants to study theology and philosophy with her peers for example (both offered as standard). ATM, she just studies them in her spare time. Of her own volition.

My gut tells me to wait until sixth form. Professionally, I teach parents about how critical adolescence is and help families to work through the teen years. It doesn't sit well with me to then suggest that degree of separation with my own DC. But DD isn't an average adolescent.

Sorry, the was at HelenaJustina's post on the first page

I would. If she wants to go, let her try it, no pressure.

To have achieved that sort of scholarship etc she must be very bright and they must think she would benefit from that type of education. PPs are right; the opportunities are vast.

If you really aren’t sure then I’d let her try again for sixth form but obviously it’s not guaranteed that she’ll be offered the same again.

If they wanted to go, I would. With the proviso that if they didn't like it they could leave and go somewhere else.

I’m not sure. I have an exceptionally bright 11 year old who has just started year 7 at a good local comp. it was suggested to me that he could get an academic scholarship at a local, very high performing public school. The socialist in me just couldn’t do it. BUT, if I feel that the school isn’t meeting his needs (all needs, not just academic) by year 9 I might reconsider. That would be the same if it were a boarding school too like in your situation.

I would let the child go if they wanted to - it's an amazing opportunity and I think the DC would always think "what if" if they weren't allowed.

DGM, now nearing 100yo, has never forgiven her mother for not allowing her to continue music lessons as a child, even though they were offered free of charge on account of her talent. I think she wonders "what if" - perhaps she could have been a professional musician.

Honestly... My head says yes IF it was what she wanted, we had visited and both liked it and there was an affordable way to ensure we could visit/bring her home regularly.

However, my heart says never in a million years. It would absolutely break me. And I say that as stepmum to a 13 year old and 15 year old who is mensa smart on maths.

Argh. How do you know what's best?

She has never had a bit of tuition outside of the norm and she is massively self motivated. She excels purely on her own merit and I have no reason to believe she wouldn't continue to do so throughout high school. But how much more could she love school (she LOVES it inordinately) if she had the opportunity?

And I do think my socialist principles matter tbh.

This has helped I think. I need to sit down with DD and have a very frank conversation about all our options.