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Original poster

Could you send your 13 year old away to boarding school?

266 replies

ShowOfHands · 17/09/2018 18:58

If offered a full scholarship to an outstanding boarding school 150 miles away? If there was no way you could afford private education and your child was quite remarkably bright? The alternative is a good local comprehensive. Would you even consider it?

OP posts:
MarshaBradyo · 19/09/2018 15:43

This isn’t about decisions made by my parents, I understand them - rural no choice
But I have made decisions to not be faced with that choice

But more about the things people say about having better time / as much time / closer etc at home as a boarder. I don’t buy that, it isn’t the same as a day pupil.

I’m posting not because of the reasons you state but because what people are posting doesn’t match

RomanyRoots · 19/09/2018 15:47

Marsha

I made decisions not to be affected by living rurally,I didn't do it.
But state schools exist rurally as our older dc attended both primary and secondary rural schools.
That would be only one reason a parent might choose a boarding school over day. There could be a number of reasons.

What do you think posters are saying that doesn't match.

JenFromTheGlen · 19/09/2018 15:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

13 year olds General education Private schooling Secondary education
MarshaBradyo · 19/09/2018 15:54

Romany I know your dd was particularly excited at going but I just don’t see the same amount of children who, I think completely naturally, feel homesick when away from home

It seems the majority are really happy to go, even 8 year olds

I boarded and my cousins were day pupils, there was a big diffference (I just met with my Uncle which reminded me)

Then there are posts that it’s changed due to Skype but I can’t believe it would help that much - like it doesn’t for adults

We were all social happy children, just homesick, so I’m wondering where are all those children now? Does that experience exist

BasiliskStare · 19/09/2018 15:56

Well , I am not going to argue with other people's decisions. All I can say is that I and , and I do believe , DS and DH do not believe our family relationship is worse because he went to boarding school. Nor can I say it would have been better at a day school . Nor would I say our relationship is better because he went to boarding school. We all discussed it and DS was completely involved and if he had not liked it , he knew he could leave. We are very close. But without some parallel universe machine where we can compare - obviously I cannot say. DS went at 13 - earlier than that I personally & Ds would not have been happy. I don't judge others if they did it earlier than that . Just for us 13 was the right age. & ( admittedly they were all private schools ) we went to see a range of day and boarding schools. The one he went to was the one DS said he wanted to go to. All seems to have worked out well here.
BUT I do not dismiss at all those who had a miserable time boarding. There are just different experiences and different choices. Had I the slightest inkling DS was unhappy - he would have been out of there.

It's always a robust discussion and all the more so IMHO in that there is no right answer.

notacooldad · 19/09/2018 16:01

absolutely loved my kids being teens and we still use the same family jokes and memories. It's about the shared family history that's important to me and as it turns out my boys

It's funny the things people imagine about boarding school eg that you don't get to have this with your children
Am I missing something? If they are boarding they are not living at home on a day to day basis. In which case they aren't going to have the routine of daily family life are they?
As I said though, each to their own and what works for one family is going to be different for another.

Idontbelieveinthemoon · 19/09/2018 16:02

DH was a boarder and loved every minute of it. DS1 has ASD and I'm not sure he'd cope with boarding school, although he loves his mainstream school and thrives there. DS2 is almost a carbon copy of DH and I think he'd thrive as a boarder.

DH and I have spoken openly about the fact that although they're both our DC, we may need to educate them differently, and I think we're both in agreement that so long as both are provided with the education that suits them best, we're ok with it being differentiated.

RomanyRoots · 19/09/2018 16:05

Marsha

I believe it does still exist but modern day thinking helps to alleviate much homesickness. e.g a younger child was homesick at the beginning of term. My dd was asked to look after the child as she's good at this Grin always wanted a younger sibling.
She took him straight away to the common room and commandeered the xbox, muh to the boys annoyance.
Taking his mind of it and finding him a buddy in his dorm, giving him her phone number etc.
The boy soon settled, and he didn't have to get used to being homesick it just went and now he's fine. Apparently his parents want to thank me for her support when we go back at the weekend.
I do believe all schools are different though, I'm not sure my dd would have settled at a less fitting school, boarding or not.

We too assess on a half termly basis and if she wasn't happy, or thriving she would be home. We made her promise that if she felt it was no longer for her she'd tell us she wants to come home. That particular environment isn't right for somebody who doesn't want to do it anymore.

RomanyRoots · 19/09/2018 16:14

notacooldad

absolutely loved my kids being teens and we still use the same family jokes and memories. It's about the shared family history that's important to me and as it turns out my boys

I can assure you my dd has lots of shared memories with her siblings and parents. They all make sure they get together when she's at home whereas before it wasn't a timed priority it could happen any time, they didn't seem to make the effort.
Now, family time is just that, the whole family, and everyone makes the effort.
I don't know what else I can say that would enable you to see the sameness.
I think from a perspective of not having day to day family life, there's not much difference tbh, perhaps we see more of dd than friends at state school, hour by hour, but can't say I've added it up.

notacooldad · 19/09/2018 16:26

RomanyRoots
I'm not interested in how great everyone's family is and what wonderful memories they all have despite being a boarder.
I was offering an opinion from my perspective and have said several times what works for one family may not got another. I liked the daily hustle and bustle of the boys being around, the music coming out of the rooms at 07.00hrs and a load of teens dropping by in the evening.

Stupomax · 19/09/2018 16:37

As I said though, each to their own and what works for one family is going to be different for another.

Quite. It's a bit sad that you go on to say you're not interested in people talking about what works for them.

notacooldad · 19/09/2018 16:43

Quite. It's a bit sad that you go on to say you're not interested in people talking about what works for them
I have been interested but I'm not interested in people justifying it like they have something to prove.
I said I like the daily routine meaning the banter and jokes and people are coming in saying things like ' well my child still enjoys family life' That's fine, I wasn't critizing. It wasnt a personal attack .I was saying what I liked for MY family.

Dorkdiary · 19/09/2018 16:47

If they were keen I would absolutely let them go on the promise they could come home if they hated it.

RomanyRoots · 19/09/2018 16:50

notacooldad

Ok, you asked if you were missing something to which I replied, but you aren't interested Confused

Stupomax · 19/09/2018 16:53

I have been interested but I'm not interested in people justifying it like they have something to prove.

Of course - correcting misperceptions becomes labelled as 'over justifying'. Yawn.

RomanyRoots · 19/09/2018 16:55

notacooldad

I get your point honestly, and it wasn't so much a point to prove, but not understanding why some people find it hard to understand that kids who board don't miss out on family life.
It's quite often used as to a reason why a parent wouldn't choose boarding.
So, obviously those that do have boarders will say what it's like for them and how their dc don't miss out, if they don't.

BasiliskStare · 19/09/2018 16:56

Notacooldad I get that. I have nothing to prove - DS has been to his school , now out of the end of university & back home for a year . It seems to work for us. I have no problem with others having made other decisions for whatever reason.

My only problem is the sort of post which implies ( or maybe, more correctly, I infer ) that you do not enjoy time with your children or want to "farm them out" ( my phrase) . ( Although DS now 21 so "children" probably the wrong word. ) So we didn't have teens during the evening every day , but certainly on a regular basis teens coming to stay with us for a few days or over a weekend because their parents were abroad. Fabulous & great fun.

I wish you and your boys well
Basilisk

BasiliskStare · 19/09/2018 16:59

@Dorkdiary

Exactly what we did with DS. Smile

RomanyRoots · 19/09/2018 17:02

I've no teens this weekend, just dd, but her friend is staying over the weekend after, just for a change from school (full boarder)
Then hopefully ds1 first baby will come around half term time, as dd can't wait to be an auntie and babysit. I think grandma gets first dibs on that one. Grin
Home friday lunch, so we'll go clothes shopping and coffee, then cook tea together, and then any homework and practice maybe with her dad.
Saturday and Sunday is spending time with her siblings and grandparent aunties and uncles etc.

notacooldad · 19/09/2018 17:06

Everyone!!!
I don't judge, look down or think any one farms anyone out ! Everyone has reasons whether its a specacust schjol for behaviours, academic reasons or parents working away or reasons I don't know.
It was an opinion about my life and it doesn't matter anyway. Ds1 has just got home from work and Ds2 is staying at college bit later tonight!

itssquidstella · 19/09/2018 17:12

I absolutely would.

Dapplegrey · 19/09/2018 17:17

And I do think my socialist principles matter tbh.

Of course they matter and so you shouldn't send your dd to an independent school.
Private schools and socialism are incompatible - unless you're a hypocrite like Diane Abbott.

RomanyRoots · 19/09/2018 17:23

notacooldad

FWIW I didn't think you were doing any of those things Thanks what's the equivalent on here for flowers for men Grin.
we have two grown up dc who say they would have hated boarding and went to pretty ropey local state schools, we don't have any good ones. Not implying that state schools are bad, just ours in our neck of the woods.
I think you do what's best for your child, and if they are offered a great opportunity, look at their personality and if it would suit them, and if its a good fit. Then it doesn't matter what type of school it is, if any.
Mine was so adamant she wanted to go and had been home educated before this, so with such a huge difference it wasn't something entered into without lots of two and froing Grin

mostdays · 19/09/2018 17:32

I really don't think so, not least because I am so very opposed to private and/ or selective education. But never say never, I expect there would be some circumstance I haven't thought of (and which is 99.99% unlikely to actually happen) which could change my answer.

BasiliskStare · 19/09/2018 17:48

@notacooldad- if my last post was taken amiss I did not say you were suggesting that. Some on these various boarding threads do.

For the avoidance of doubt - not aimed at you Wine Brew Blush

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