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Original poster

My DD is confused and a bit upset by gender fluid teacher

354 replies

CosmicCanary · 17/09/2018 18:12

DD is 11 and in her second full week at high school.
We were going through her home work today and part of it is drama.
She needs to learn the meaning of various words such as reflection, preformance spontaneous etc.
DD loves drama and is very enthusiastic about it now being a weekly lesson. I asked if she was enjoying it and she said yes but she is confused.
She said she does not know what to call her teacher.
I said Ms, Mr or Mrs last name.
DD said its not like that. The teacher has said they can call her Ms Mr or Dr as they are gender fluid and their pronoun is they.

I said well call them by any of those then if they dont mind. DD said its hard as the teacher is a Ms/she/woman and although she is trying hard to remember the they pronoun she (DD) keeps getting it wrong.

DD is a very kind and does not want to upset her teacher as she likes her/him/they very much. DD is also scared as she does not want to get in to trouble as, and I quote "misgendering is a crime".

I have reassured DD that her teacher has said its fine to call her Ms Mr or Dr so she has nothing to be scared of and wont upset the teacher.

In private I am very angry. My DD has enough to deal with and worry about just starting high school and now she has to deal with a teachers chosen identity and the worry that if she slips up because despite the short hair and Mr reference her teacher is a woman.

This is not trans bashing before that gets thrown at me I am just upset my DD has to deal with this when it only benefits the teacher and causes distress to a child.

OP posts:
Perfectly1mperfect · 18/09/2018 12:10

RiverTam

I'm not really sure what to say to that.

Maybe, calm down.

I prefer to teach my children to listen and accept about things like this. I find your views (that gender fluid and trans are narcissistic) offensive but I don't think engaging with you anymore will be helpful to either of us.

I hope that if you have children, they do not have any confusion with their identity/gender as they will feel like they can't talk to you about it.

beenandgoneandbackagain · 18/09/2018 12:11

I haven't read the whole thread but is the teacher actually a PhD/Dr? Surely that is the correct title if they legitimately are a doctor? So I'd be much more bothered about the teacher making an issue out of gender when there was a non-issue way to deal with the situation.

Perfectly1mperfect · 18/09/2018 12:12

YeTalkShiteHen

It has now come up for the OP though. I just think it would be beneficial to discuss it in order for OPs daughter not to feel so anxious as I don't like to think of any child feeling worried.

YeTalkShiteHen · 18/09/2018 12:12

I prefer to teach my children to listen and accept about things like this

I prefer to teach my children to listen and then make up their own minds.

Indoctrinating children to accept everything they hear as fact and accept everyone’s opinions as right is ridiculous.

Perfectly1mperfect · 18/09/2018 12:17

YeTalkShiteHen

Also, LGBT, gender, gender fluid etc are all topics we see in the news, online etc. It's good to discuss so children understand.

emmyrose2000 · 18/09/2018 12:17

If it was my dd I would tell her to call her miss/ms and be done with it. If the teacher don’t like it. They can FO! Bloody ridiculous. I’m not explaining gender fluidity to an already stressed out 11 year old

Ditto.

OP, if you phone the school about this, I doubt you'd be the first/only parent to do so. I guarantee there are other students just as confused as your daughter and worried about using the 'wrong' pronoun.

Is the teacher actually a Dr though? If not, she has a nerve expecting anyone to call her that.

Original poster
CosmicCanary · 18/09/2018 12:18

Perfect she is 11 yo. I know adults thay struggle with the multiple ways people identify these days.

Why should I just one day start explaining genderfluidity to an 11 yo.?
I generally teach and explain things as they come up as I did yesterday regarding her teacher.

I am not convinced many 11 yo have a full grasp and understanding of genderfluid and all the other identities.

OP posts:
Original poster
CosmicCanary · 18/09/2018 12:24

It has now come up for the OP though. I just think it would be beneficial to discuss it in order for OPs daughter not to feel so anxious as I don't like to think of any child feeling worried.

I have discussed it with her and done my best to reassure her that she is not wrong to pick 1 if the 3 titles and she is not committing a crime if she makes a mistake.

My childs worry and upset could have been avoided had the teacher just said my name is -insert 1 title- teacher good morning class. There was no need to list 3 titles a pronoun and the fact they identify as genderfluid. It feels more like that was done to benefit the individual not the children.

OP posts:
gendercritter · 18/09/2018 12:24

I think there is actual scientific data supporting the idea that being trans and being narcissistic go hand in hand, Perfectly

amusedbush · 18/09/2018 12:30

Is the teacher actually a Dr though? If not, she has a nerve expecting anyone to call her that.

If someone introduced themselves as Dr XYZ it wouldn't even occur to me that it wasn't a legitimate title. Several of my secondary school teachers had the title Dr because they had a PhD.

Perfectly1mperfect · 18/09/2018 12:31

Indoctrinating children to accept everything they hear as fact and accept everyone’s opinions as right is ridiculous.

I would never encourage my children to accept everything they hear as fact. My children question everything, rightly so. But when it comes to people's feelings about who they are, I teach them to be understanding and just accept people for who they are. If a child in their year is trans or gender fluid, they are not committing a crime or hurting anyone. I teach my children that if someone is nice, funny, etc then that's what matters. Up until now my kids think that's fair. If they decide to think that being trans or gender fluid is in some way wrong, that's up to them, they are capable of forming different views to me as they have in many other aspects of their lives.

I must stress this isn't a topic we spend much time on Wink but there have been occasions when things have come up in the news or at school and we have discussed it then.

I have never responded to a thread like this before, I don't think, I avoid the feminism board and I only replied to this thread as I thought the main issue was an upset child and how to resolve.

StepBackNow · 18/09/2018 12:35

It's called an analogy. I don't know what else I can say since it's pretty obvious.

What else you could say would be something sensible instead of utter bollocks.

RiverTam · 18/09/2018 12:37

No, I'm not going to calm down about lies like this bring taught to children, in the name of being kind and accepting. And I hope that my child, and yours too, is never affected by the lies and removal of boundaries and safeguards that this ideology promotes.

But on the day that I read that another male sex offender has been placed in a women's prison because he has a piece of paper, I will not calm down.

Shame on you.

beenandgoneandbackagain · 18/09/2018 12:37

If someone introduced themselves as Dr XYZ it wouldn't even occur to me that it wasn't a legitimate title. Several of my secondary school teachers had the title Dr because they had a PhD.

They may be a genuine PhD. But I queried it because all the PhDs I know in real life would always use the term Dr. and not include the Ms/Mrs/Mr bit. That's what raised a red flag - that the only reason the teacher has brought up the gender fluidity is to make an issue of it where none needed to be created.

DickTERFin · 18/09/2018 12:39

Indoctrinating children to accept everything they hear as fact and accept everyone’s opinions as right is ridiculous.

Preach!

Which room are you looking for? Fascist totalitarianism? Yes that’s through the doors marked “Unquestioning acquiescence to authority”, down the “thought terminating slogan” corridor and left at the “Double think” Hall. Any problems just check into room 101, where someone will be along to check you’re not unwittingly engaged in wrong think - Have a nice day!

Perfectly1mperfect · 18/09/2018 12:42

I am not convinced many 11 yo have a full grasp and understanding of genderfluid and all the other identities.

I am not convinced either. I don't fully understand and wouldn't pretend to. But I can be understanding and accept a person saying "I feel like this or like that". Who am I to say they are wrong, I haven't a clue what they feel. And it just really doesn't matter to me if a teacher wants to be addressed as Miss, Mrs, Mr, Doctor or all of them. I will just try to understand that they have probably struggled with things that I fortunately haven't had to and do my best to use names/pronouns that they feel comfortable with. I may slip up and would not accept being punished for this.

If my child had any issues/confusion with their gender I would want them to feel like they could talk to me so I try to let them see that I am understanding when things come up in the news or at school.

RiverTam · 18/09/2018 12:44

Perfectly do you think Rachel Dolezal was fine in being a white woman who identified as black? Would you teach your children to accept thst as long as she was nice and kind?

MipMipMip · 18/09/2018 12:48

But on the day that I read that another male sex offender has been placed in a women's prison because he has a piece of paper, I will not calm down.

Damn. Is there a thread or article Tam?

RiverTam · 18/09/2018 12:51

Theres a threads in FWR, I'm on my crappy phone so can't link. Man has GRC but no surgery, jailed indefinitely for grooming girls, because if GRC legally has to be placed in a women's prison. Married to male paedophile.

Perfectly1mperfect · 18/09/2018 12:52

RiverTam

We clearly don't share the same opinions. That's fine. I didn't want to ignore you but I don't want to argue. Most people on here have put forward their views in a calm manner even though many of us disagree. You sound very angry and I don't wish to get into that.

Perfectly1mperfect · 18/09/2018 12:56

an has GRC but no surgery, jailed indefinitely for grooming girls, because if GRC legally has to be placed in a women's prison. Married to male paedophile.

Haven't read about this but as a parent, clearly I wouldn't be defending this person and you are derailing the thread.

RiverTam · 18/09/2018 12:56

No, you seem to want to bury your head in the sand about what is actually happening in the name of being kind and accepting.

Do you think a rapist belongs in a women's prison if they identity as female? Do you think it's unreasonable to be furious that 4 women have been sexually assaulted in a women's prison by a rapist and paedophile identifying as a woman?

RiverTam · 18/09/2018 12:58

The point that is pertinent to this thread is that identity shouldn't trump reality and that children are not a side show to that and should not be lied to in school.

Perfectly1mperfect · 18/09/2018 13:10

We can't really compare a convicted rapist/paedophile with an innocent teacher who is gender fluid and hasn't committed a crime. If you want an argument, you are not getting it from me.

I am a mother. I obviously think paedophiles and rapists are disgusting. Personally I would have them face the death penalty.

Perfectly1mperfect · 18/09/2018 13:11

CosmicCanary

The thread is obviously heading somewhere very different to where it started and I don't want to be part of it.

I hope your daughter is ok.