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Original poster

Neighbour not giving the kids' balls back...

175 replies

MinecraftMother · 16/09/2018 20:06

We've lived here for 4 years and we are by far the youngest people in our cud-d-sac. Very rural village.

Got on with her at the beginning - invites into our house for a brew; sorted out our party wall without asking her for a contribution; called in on her when we hadn't seen her for a while and lots of shopping (for which we asked no payment) during the snow when she wasn't happy about going out in the car. I also helped her with something at the Land Registry because she got a dodge phone call from someone about her house so I gave her some advice and did all that for free of course - I'm a solicitor btw.

There is a park just up the lane so the kids don't generally play anything in the garden save badminton and trampoline.

We perhaps have a ball go into her garden once every three months - I'm tell you think because if we were bothering her every day I'd see her point.

The last couple of times husband and kids (and on occasion our nanny) went around to get the ball she went inside and hid.

My husband then decided to lower our 9 yo into her garden to collect the balls for himself. There were about 4 from the last year, I think longer actually but couldn't be sure.

She then had a go at husband over the fence because of this trespass. I don't agree with what husband did.

It ended after a little while when she said that she didn't think the kids should be playing with balls in their garden, she was afraid of being hit by them in her own garden (i was listening from upstairs - I didn't want to join in as it would be very top heavy against her and despite her failings, I didn't want to get into it with her AND my husband! That would be stressful for her).

Husband told her to get a grip and that there is literally zero chance of her getting hit because here are large tree her side of the fence so the balls go over, hit the tree and slide down. THe balls land about 1 foot from the fence, if you see what I mean?

That was the end of their argument and we haven't spoke since. I didn't want her to feel uncomfortable living next to us, we are many and she is solo, so when I saw her I waved a greeting but she just ignored me.

This evening the eldest got a new rugby ball and it ended up in her garden. Eldest and nanny went around to get it and she said something along the lines of "I did ask that you didn't play with the balls" and she (I think anyway) intimated she'd chuck it over.

It still isn't here. I'm fairly fucked off.

Husband said to her during their heated conversation that she didn't need to chuck it over, she could just notice it behind her trees and bring it to the front of the house when she was next going that way and we'd collect it from there when we saw it.

The front of all our houses are not fenced in, so we'd see it, the whole road is open plan so we'd spot the ball, we could lean over, grab it and that would be that.

She has a bad back so this is why she can't throw it over, she said.

How do we move forward?

I don't want to go around and get heated and intimidate her. Although she's a massive pain in my arse after me being such a (genuinely) decent (and modest 😂) neighbour.

A letter? Perhaps something along the lines of "buy a house with a fuck pot of land around it if you don't want to deal with this type of shit"...but less confrontational...

OP posts:
junebirthdaygirl · 16/09/2018 22:23

Look l think its part of life throwing a few balls back to your neighbours kid. I love to hear the noise of children playing nearby now mine have grown and gone. She is being mean.
My friends neighbour refused to send back balls or return to child when asked. Then on Christmas morning she called over with a big bag of balls collected over the year. Her ds was thrilled but his dm found it difficult to be neighbourly to some one who kep a ball from a child.
However you can't make her so have to accept her funny ways.

Original poster
MinecraftMother · 16/09/2018 22:24

Yes I think I will ensure she knows that he won't be doing that again. I think that will help her feel better about the whole thing. Who knows, she might give zero fucks.

But I can say I'm not as nice as a previous poster who said she would still check on their neighbour even if they were being a massive meanie.

We're over! 😆 💔

OP posts:
LanguidLobster · 16/09/2018 22:24

Actually I'd go and scoop Minecraft, just be as quiet as you can and get it done

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Original poster
MinecraftMother · 16/09/2018 22:26

To be clear, I don't expect anything from her in return for the usual neighbourly niceties.

I had rather hoped the goodwill would suffice when asking for a favour of my own.

There's a different in expecting something in return and when you're in difficulty finding the person you'd assisted just point blankly refusing to help a sister out.

OP posts:
Costacoffeeplease · 16/09/2018 22:31

You still think she’s a ‘massive meanie’ 🙄

You never know, she might be just as happy without your ‘help’

Costacoffeeplease · 16/09/2018 22:32

‘Sister’. Jeez Hmm

TheFaerieQueene · 16/09/2018 22:34

A neighbour like you made my darling father’s last year in his home a misery.

Their children kicked numerous balls a day over the fence - they have a half acre plus garden - and made it dangerous to sit In The garden for my parents. His dementia made him anxious and he ended up in his bedroom to keep away from flying balls of all sizes. He is now bed bound in a home and my mother still has to cope with the ball issue. She has a box of balls and said to the family to knock and collect them, as she has arthritis and can’t throw them back. They don’t call for them.

Her garden is almost unusable because of the balls.

Original poster
MinecraftMother · 16/09/2018 22:36

I do think she's being mean, yes.

And perhaps yes, she was grand without me picking up her milk and eggs and ham and seeded bread from the shops because she was frightened to drive in the conditions.

But I still offered. She accepted.

She could bring the ball to the front of the house when she's able and we'd be able to get it from there. I really, really don't think that's too much to ask.

So hold your fucking roll eyes, sister.

OP posts:
Original poster
MinecraftMother · 16/09/2018 22:39

A neighbour like me?

Rtft then come back to me.

You'll see we're talking about a few balls a year, not even a week, not even a month. And they don't use the fence as a wall, who could stand that?!

It's a real shame your father's situation was so bad because of poor neighbours, but that's not what's going on here, so there's no way of taking that out on me I'm afraid. You'll have to search elsewhere for your patsy.

OP posts:
Costacoffeeplease · 16/09/2018 22:40

She obviously does, she doesn’t want to help you ‘sister’ 🙄🙄🙄

Live with it

Original poster
MinecraftMother · 16/09/2018 22:42

She doesn't, that is something we can agree on. And there will be no more assistance so she wins all around! Yay for her and her as equally as obtuse champion Costa!! 🤚

OP posts:
mumsastudent · 16/09/2018 22:43

How about putting some mesh/net above fence level on that side so ball cant go over - some neighbours don't mind/some do its just the way it is- I had little boys but what I did do is give my neighbours a soft sponge ball (hint hint!) so it wouldn't flatten my plants & to keep up positive relationship- perhaps when things have chilled a bit you could ask her if you did this would you mind if it occasionally went over & it wouldn't hurt her or plants & save other balls for open spaces??

Original poster
MinecraftMother · 16/09/2018 22:48

I think this might be the way forward, the net/ball combo.

And in the meantime scoop up the rugby ball!!

OP posts:
Costacoffeeplease · 16/09/2018 22:48

If you behave to her as you have on this thread, it’s no wonder she’s not co-operating. Good job

Hayles88 · 16/09/2018 22:53

Completely agree with you costa.

Stompythedinosaur · 16/09/2018 23:40

I think she is being mean and unneighbourly, but there is not much you can do about it. I would put up a net and suck up the cost of the occasional ball, and stop any favours.

I agree that returning an occasional ball isn't much to ask.

Haireverywhere · 16/09/2018 23:47

Could you find a way to stop the balls going over? In my 70s I'd rather not have to deal with my neighbours' balls at all, however infrequently tbh.

IamPickleRick · 17/09/2018 00:15

I had rather hoped the goodwill would suffice when asking for a favour of my own.

This is where you are quite wrong. Give graciously or not at all. Expecting favours back just because you give them will always leave you “out of pocket”. Giving from sheer kindness and without expectation never leaves you feeling that way.

Good luck.

DancingForTheDog · 17/09/2018 00:24

For every one time the ball has gone over the fence there will have been 100 times it slammed into the fence. Having footballs slamming into a party fence can really set your nerves on edge. Perhaps this is the real issue here? We had neighbours whose sons did this and it ruined my enjoyment of the garden. Eventually I stopped rescuing the balls from my dog when they came over the fence, and so they swapped to the other neighbour's fence.

Takemetovegas · 17/09/2018 01:05

YADNBU to expect a neighbour to return a ball that went over the fence. I don't understand the posters that are saying that you are TBH. I thought all neighbours extended that courtesy and especially as you've been on very good terms. Imagine if you had something neighbourly that was serious to deal with?
Don't do her anymore favours and tell her so. I would be dropping polite too. If she keeps the ball she's technically stealing.

kmc1111 · 17/09/2018 03:43

If she was hiding in her own home when you tried to get the balls back, can you not see how awful your DH letting your child into her backyard must of been for her? She wanted to be left alone, maybe needed to be left alone at that particular time, and instead of respecting her privacy and her property your DH sent your child to traipse around her backyard. She’s probably on edge all the time now.

Of course she wants to draw a line in the sand. If she doesn’t she has to worry that every time she doesn’t feel like answering the door or talking to you one of your kids is going to be over her fence. That would stress me out. An anxious 70yr old may find it really upsetting.

Troels · 17/09/2018 08:03

I think she does sound mean and not a very nice neighbour. She wants the convenience of having younger neighbours who fetch and carry and give free legal advice but not to return any favours. Leave her too it, erect a net she'll complain it doesn't look nice, but it'll stop you having to deal with her anymore. Let her call someone else for her shopping in bad weather. What goes around comes around.

iMatter · 17/09/2018 08:15

In her mind, the only way she can stop the balls coming over is to keep them.

If she gives them back they will end up in her garden again, whether this week, next week or in 12 weeks.

It's clearly a massive issue for her for whatever reason.

PodgeBod · 17/09/2018 08:32

Well she's cut off her nose to spite her own face, hasn't she? It would be no more favours from me either.

Saggital · 17/09/2018 08:46

I feel if you were my solicitor OP I would have a series of enormous bills without getting anywhere.

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