Weirdest thing you've said in your sleep

[benjaminbuttonschild]

I'm a bit of a sleep talker, always coming out with jibberish in my sleep. Sometimes I'm aware and wake myself up, most of the time not.

Anyway, dp came home from earlier and started chuckling to himself at the dinner table. I asked what was funny.

He said that last night I woke him up by blurting out "Who invented sick?".

Apparently I sounded really genuine as if it were a real question. I have no recollection of this whatsoever nor do I recall any dreams from last night. So very bizarre!

When I was a teenager I stayed at a friends house. In the morning she was giggling at me because apparently I started humming the theme tune to 'The Simpsons' in my sleep.

What's the weirdest thing anyone has ever said or heard said by someone else?

Years ago I dreamt that my, then boyfriend, dragged me to a huge hill, which eventually turned into a mountain. He was very distracted in the dream and I was struggling to climb the last rock face whilst he was sitting on top of the mountain rambling on about the clouds and birds and the view. I was, deparately, waving my hand crying for help, unable to clamber the last stretch. When I semi-woke up I was still distraught and shoved him almost out of bed. Naturally, he was shocked and snapped "What did you say do that for?" I remember shouting "You wouldn't help me up the mountain!"'
Confused faces all round.

When I was younger and living with parents, my brother once came into my room and asked "Are you asleep?" I sat up, shook my head and said "No, no , no, no, no" like the dog in the Churchill adverts. I had no idea when he told me in the morning.

I know I talk in my sleep, but DH is a heavy sleeper so doesn't tend to wake up and tell me what I've said. DD1 has come out with some interesting stuff, including "Half a laugh and half a not, we've got to make her laugh!", "Clara, where's CLARA?" and (extremely clearly and smugly) "I'm on a train!"

A few minutes ago “who bought polar bears? They bite! And they can’t draw”

I scared DP once by saying, clearly in my sleep, "Who's that man stood by the door?"

A few years ago now, but I woke my ex up (I was sat up in bed at the time) by quietly hissing at him "Sit up! Sit up! I'm not asleep, and it's really important!" When he sat up, half asleep, and sleepily asked what was going on, I leant in behind him, took his pillow, gave it to him and said "Look after this, it's really important!"

According to my daughter I regularly shout “bollocks” three times in succession in my sleep.

This isn’t a talking one...last week I was dreaming I was at the cash machine, I put my PIN number in, then I woke to “ouch, what are you doing” I was poking dh in the face putting my PIN number in 🤣😆😂

I've just remembered one from DD years ago. We were staying in a travelodge and she was on the settee/put-up-bed. She went "mum, mum, mum! I'm going to put my leg out!" Then she stuck her leg out of the quilt and then she spent the next 15 minutes chuckling and saying "leg out" like it was the wittiest thing in the world.

I used to sleeptalk as a kid if my parents came into my room to check on me. I don't think I ever said anything funny or interesting though; apparently I mainly used to ask over and over if it was time to get up and if someone had taken the dog out.

I'm just placemarking really. This thread is hilarious. 'The stars are watching us, tell them to put bonjela on the easter Eggs' is the funniest thing I've read for ages.

Over the summer holidays, whilst staying at her grandma's house, my 8 year old daughter declared in her sleep "I'd like to race camel number 3 please".
Grandma lives in Dorset!!

I often wake myself up laughing, dream me is very funny apparently.

After a general anaesthetic I woke up telling my now exH that 'I remember Ivor the Engine' then promptly went back to kip.

Now exH woke me shouting 'Get out Ginger! Get out now!' In his dream there were intruders in the house and he was tackling them.

When I go into five DD a last goodnight kiss she often sleep mumbles. One night I kissed her and said night night sausage and she sat up and said quite indignantly 'I'm not a sausage!' before lying back down

Aged 7, caravaning in France. I fell off the top bunk of the beds, stumbled into the living room where my DM and DGM were, and said 'where have all the fish gone?'.
If I stay over at my family's house now, it's always brought up!

Once when PIL were on holiday and before we lived together and got married, DH and I were house sitting. In the middle of the night he shook me violently staying "quick get out, get out!", thinking there was a house fire I jumped out of bed then realised there wasn't a fire so I asked what was wrong. His response was "There's a huge spider on the wall!. He still (12 years on) remembers the huge spider, it covered the entire wall. We've also had snakes and tigers in our room at varying times.

DD7 also sleep talks. When she was about 3 she sat up on bed and shouted "Babbits!" It was about 3am, DH and I crapped ourselves . She often looks at us and says stuff when we go and check on her before we go to bed, the nicest was when she looked at DH and shouted "Daddy" with the happiest voice, made me melt.

Hysterical laughter. I woke up mid laugh to DH's shocked expression asking if I was OK. I just carried on laughing.

I also shouted "DAD" reallllly loud in DH's ear once. He was not happy.

Apparently I said " don't touch the cheesecake , it's part of the antiterrorist precautions!
I also said " don't panic the crisps are coming " whilst sat bolt upright in bed with my hand in the air!!
Don't ask, cos I don't know!!!!

" I want to jump in other peoples puddles !!!"

cheesecake being part of the anti-terrorist precautions...glorious! Sounds about right,too.
All the evils and ills in the world can surely be solved by cheesecake

I used to sleep talk Spanish phrases if I'd been drinking...

Not me, but my DH ... In his sleep, we've had a conversation about how to plumb in a washing machine, and we've also had an argument as to whether veal is baby cow or baby sheep! He got very annoyed that I was winding him up that veal is baby sheep (I know it's baby cow!).

My ex woke me up twice in one month, the first time shaking me and blurting out, "Did we order the lemons? Think damn it! Did we get the lemons?" since the last thing we did before going to bed was order the shopping for click-and-collect I was thoroughly confused for several bewildering seconds while I tried to remember if I'd added lemons to the list, until he promptly laid back down and continued to snore.

The second time I woke to the bed moving to find him sitting upright and reaching out repeatedly making pinching motions with his fingers. When I made the mistake of asking instead of going straight back to sleep, he said, "I'm trying to catch the butterflies. Look at them, there's so many, they're everywhere. It's terrifyingly beautiful." He got very upset when start pmsl at him obviously waking him up.

On both occasions he had no idea what I was talking about when I asked the next day.

My poor DH has had a few from me....highlights are

There are giant condoms walking outside

There's a man with a weird face at the end of the bed (he did not sleep well that night!)

Oh and "GOD! I have to do EVERYTHING!"

Shameless place marking but I just remembered one from childhood that'll out me to my DM and Dsis.
My DF has worked nightshift and my DM went to give us a sweet from our selection boxes but couldn't find them. Since it was almost time for my DF to get up anyway my DM dutifully trotted upstairs to ask him where they were, the conversation went something like this:
DM: Where are the girls selections boxes:
DF: They're on the wall.
DM (After staring in confused silence for a bit): No, not the advent calendars, the selections boxes?
DF (Angrily): I'm telling you they're on the f*ing wall. I put them on that wall (pointing to the bedroom wall) and they jumped to that wall.
DM: Never mind, we'll have some of the After 8's I've put away for guests.
DF: Oh, the selections boxes? I put them in the fridge so they wouldn't melt.