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Make up a story about how you know the above user?

323 replies

SteveHo · 24/08/2018 23:23

just for fun.

OP posts:
Bettercallsaul1 · 28/08/2018 22:32

I also work for the charity shop which took Occamsrazorblade's goods. Unfortunately it all had go straight into the bin as the clothes were flea infested, the bedding full of holes and there is simply no market for second hand sex toys. -I took some of them home myself though

QuilliamCakespeare · 28/08/2018 22:43

I met @Bettercallsaul1 at a fundraiser for dogs with personality disorders. She had an over exuberant Poodle who ended up dangling from one of the carriages on the Ferris wheel by his lead. We watched him compete a full revolution with baited breath before he eventually made it down safely. She probably doesn't remember me but I was the one who bought her a cup of tea to help with the shock.

Occamsrazorblade · 28/08/2018 22:43

I met Bettercallsaul1 when I couldn’t find my phone and so rang it. Bettercallsaul1 answered rather breathless and confused. I asked her where she had found my phone and she says she’d got it in a bag of toys from the charity shop. She’d been using it on vibrate.

Madeiramosaic · 28/08/2018 22:52

I’m a pest controller and was called in to fumigate Occam’s house.

MervynBunter · 29/08/2018 00:09

When Madeira's not controlling pests, she plays double bass in our local symphony orchestra. I'm the lead bassoon.

SukiPutTheEarlGreyOn · 29/08/2018 00:45

When Mervyn isn’t playing bassoon they have an alter ego as a world class professional tango instructor - and they taught me everything I know. Sadly, we eventually became rivals on the international Latin American dance circuit and Mervyn beat me by a point when we had a dance off at the tango championship in Argentina. We haven’t spoken since but I still miss those dance lessons and when I take out my dance shoes, hidden away for such a long time now, I still think of Merv and those amazing golden dancing feet.

Occamsrazorblade · 29/08/2018 00:52

I remember Suki! We chose her to be the face on the National ID Card campaign that launched in Manchester in 2009. It was scrapped the following year when we realised the printers had misunderstood and everyone had one with Suki’s face on it. Think I’ve still got mine somewhere.

Bettercallsaul1 · 29/08/2018 07:45

Occamsrazorblade was an uppity workman who did some work on my extensive property in Surrey last year. While his painting and decorating was perfectly good (and I beat him down to a good price as work was scarce), one day he had the temerity to ask if he could use our downstairs lavatory. You can imagine my shock and disgust! I gave him a frozen stare and explained that, as yet, we had no separate outdoor facilities for workmen and pointed vaguely (but helpfully, I thought) in the direction of some nearby woods. Imagine my disgust when I arrived home from lunch with Abagail to hear the unmistakeable sound of flushing upstairs and then saw Occamsrazorblade exiting guiltily from my erstwhile pristine en suite! I told him in no uncertain terms that I wouldn't be using him again and sent him packing immediately. The only silver lining was that I naturally withheld payment for the month's work he'd already done. I still cringe when I think of it! The state of modern Britain, I ask you!

beingthere · 29/08/2018 08:53

I took Bettercallsaul1 to the small claims court when she withheld my payment for some work I’d done on her rockery because I’d asked to shelter in her porch during a sudden storm. I won the case, it seems the judge had seen her before.

NeepNeepNeep · 29/08/2018 10:09

beingthere sold me some racing pigeons. Turns out they were just plain pigeons she caught down the precinct. I tried training them to return to my loft but to no avail. They kept homing back to the precinct. Not particularly fast either. Nevertheless I persevered and live in the old Woolworth's now. I say live but it's not much fun although I did find some stale pick a mix this morning so that's a bonus. If anyone's passing by I'd appreciate a slice of toast through the letterbox. Everything's boarded up but you should still be able to slide some in if your don't cut the bread too thick.

Giggorata · 29/08/2018 10:11

I sold beingthere a nice striped umbrella.

CormoranStrike · 29/08/2018 13:00

@giggoratta was actually disposing if said umbrella after she’d used it to deliver a toxic poison to an irritating neighbour.

SteamTrainsRealAleandOpenFires · 29/08/2018 13:19

I taught woodwork to Cormoran in school and she kept using the word "straight" instead of "flat" when checking planed surfaces.

Bettercallsaul1 · 29/08/2018 18:48

I was unlucky enough to be in SteamTrainsRealAleandOpenFires's woodwork class too. He was as hard as nails with a really wooden delivery. At weekends, he earned extra cash making coffins in his garage.

Madeiramosaic · 29/08/2018 20:37

I bought some bird boxes from bettercallsaul at the woodwork stall on college open day. Despite being of dubious quality I sold them to neepneepneep for her pigeons for a tidy profit.

Clawdy · 29/08/2018 21:29

Madeiramosaic was my maths teacher at school, she was terrifying, and we all sat in silence throughout the lesson as she walked round with a ruler to poke anyone not listening.

flowerpot1000000 · 29/08/2018 21:33

School life scared Clawdy for life, I met her in rehab in LA

NeepNeepNeep · 30/08/2018 00:14

Shakes fist @Madeiramosaic.

Bettercallsaul1 · 30/08/2018 08:03

Also shakes fist at MadeiraMosaic. Dubious quality, harrumph.

Bettercallsaul1 · 30/08/2018 08:45

I was in Clawdy's maths class with the abominable Madeiramosaic. However my sympathy for Clawdy was tempered by the fact that she stole my protractor during Trigonometry one day, leaving me quite unable to calculate the length of hypotenuse AC on triangle CBA. "What's your angle?" I demanded furiously, trying to grab it back. In the ensuing brawl, Clawdy somehow fell off her chair and acquired a black eye, resulting in me getting detention for the rest of my life the year.

Clawdy · 30/08/2018 12:11

So sorry, BettercallSaul Sad I stole it because I'd lost mine, and I was so scared Madeiramosaic would find out. And my eye still hurts occasionally........

Bettercallsaul1 · 30/08/2018 13:15

Well, I'm glad you're owning up and taking full responsibility, Clawdy. after all these years

Bettercallsaul1 · 30/08/2018 13:25

And as for your subsequent ocular discomfort, I'm afraid I go with the old Biblical maxim "An eye for a protractor".

Saggital · 30/08/2018 13:36

Woke up in a sleeping bag with Better after smoking weed at Glastonbury.

Fromage · 30/08/2018 14:49

Saggital and I joined a cult at the same time.

We were both booted out for smoking and drinking and swearing at strangers.

Man, that Brown Owl was harsh.

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