Make up a story about how you know the above user?

[SteveHo]

just for fun.

SteamTrainsRealAleandOpenFires wrote a get rich quick book for people who were already rich. I was her agent and publicist and advised her to charge £1,000,000 per book. The only people who got rich quick were us.

Karmical and I were room mates when we were at Harvard from 1962-1966. She really took the swinging 60's thing to heart, and I spent many nights sleeping in the corridor or with friends, because she had 'company.'

one2three4five and I met when I got my testicles trapped in the railings at Buckingham Palace. She had the Queen on speed dial who nipped straight down with some WD40, before Phillip took us all down to Nandos.

SneakyGremlins and i met when we were both serving time in Young Offenders.

As part of his rehabilitation SteveArt met his victim, me, before release from young offenders. He said he was really sorry for destroying one of my paired driveway pillar eagle statues and if he could put it right he would. Aw bless, I thought.
One month later and I have matching pillars -rubble-

I am an eagle statue that used to stand proud on Madeira's driveway, now I lie in rubbly tatters.

I am the owner of the house opposite PigeonFromHell and have a terrible confession to make. I got so sick of seeing an eagle statue on one side of the driveway and a pile of rubble on the other that one moonless night, wearing a black cloak and ski mask, I approached stealthily with a sledgehammer and demolished the remaining one. The resulting crash was highly satisfying. The vista I now look out on is now ghastly but symmetrical.

Ps - I apologise if the wrong person got the blame.

I sold BetterCallSaul1 a sledgehammer

I met @NymanPerkins cheese rolling in cheddar gorge.

I rugby tackled titsbumfannythelot when she was running away from the scene of her smash and grab at a well-known London jeweller's. Bracelets, necklaces and tiaras all over the pavement. As we were gathering them up, she persuaded me that the insurance would pay up and we might as well keep them.
The proceeds have kept us in the lap of luxury ever since...

I worked in the insurance company which collapsed after paying out a king's ransom for the stolen jewellery. Millions, it came to. Was made redundant when the company went under. Am now a heroin dealer. Pays better and no chance of work drying up. see what you're responsible for, titsbum and Giggorata

BetterCallSaul is my podiatrist.

SweatyFretty is my personal trainer. She tried some of Bettercallsaul1's wares and hasn't come down since. She did try to sell me sausage and mash flavoured choc truffles. They didn't seem too tasty to me, so I declined. Sweaty is still well sweaty..

Cantfindamoniker stopped me on a train and asked for a light. I said I didn’t smoke and anyway trains were no smoking these days. She said no, she wanted a real light, as she was going home but remembered that all her bulbs had blown. I just happened to have an Ikea standard lamp on my person and helped her carry it home. We’ve been Facebook friends ever since.

Occamsrazorblade is actually my aunt, I used to secretly wish she was my mum instead because she’s much cooler than my mum. She gives me fags all the time and pretends she buys them especially for me but she always already smells of fags when I meet her, fags, Chanel and a hint of dettol

Prettyisoverated is my former cellmate. We were both doing time for being drunk and causing a public disturbance. Apparently dancing drunk in front of Buckingham palace affects tourism!
She used to be called Big Sal but changed her name after getting 2 black eyes when she walked into a row of coat hooks

Maybe the dancing drunk wasn't actually the problem - maybe dancing drunk naked was the issue!

I remember LittleMouse from one NYE party in Trafalger Sq. She gave all the Lions a make over.

I met SteamTrainsRealAle when she came to my Belly Dancing classes in Tangier. She was an absolute natural, and the things that she could do with her tassels soon made her the star of the souk!

I catsit for AdaColeman, except it was really a badger!

I go on Badger watches in the woods behind Malcolm's house, except I keep seeing burrowing cats.

I hired pigeon to organise my house when I moved as I’d been there 4 years and hadn’t unpacked a box. She methodically sifted through all my stuff with a bag for the charity shop, a bag to bin and a bag to keep. She ordered the keep stuff alphabetically throughout my home and now I can’t find anything but at least it’s tidy.

I am a member of the Badger Preservation League and heard that someone was imprisoning an innocent badger and keeping it as a pet. Having tracked it down to AdaColeman's address in Scunthorpe, I found MalcolmsBrokenWalrusMoneyBox in charge of the said animal and made a Citizen's Arrest. She protested vociferously that she had just been "catsitting" but I ignored these lies and hauled her down to the police station. I left her protesting her innocence to the sergeant who, unfortunately for her, is my brother-in-law. Our striped friend is now free and justice has prevailed.

I was one of the items in Occamsrazorblade's bag to keep, and now reside in the G for garage, sleeping in her G for Ginetta, drinking her G for gin and living on grapes and goat's cheese.