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Original poster

Should I give the new baby my nieces bedroom

82 replies

newmummy0094 · 23/08/2018 21:01

Hello

I'm five months pregnant and I have just started thinking about where it is going to sleep.

So here's the dilemma. We have four bedrooms one of which is in the attic. Then there's one at one side of the house and two next to each other.

The two next to each other are the biggest apart from the attic one.
At the moment we have one of the two and my niece has the other.
She sleeps at my house every Friday to Saturday and also comes every Tuesday.
She also come when her parents go on a weekend away or on holiday which is probably every other month.

Me and my niece spent ages decorating it together and we went and got wall stickers and decorations.

The thing is I know that the bedroom is really important to her. However the other room is quite far from our bedroom and a lot smaller.

What should I do??

OP posts:
HoleyCoMoley · 23/08/2018 21:08

Baby will sleep with you in your room for a while, ask your niece if baby can have her lovely room so it will be next to mummy, ask neice which of the the other two rooms she'd like and start decorating it with her. Make a big fuss of your niece and buy her something lovely to say thank you. How old is your niece.

RoseMartha · 23/08/2018 21:12

Is the small bedroom big enough for your baby?
How old is your niece? It seems a shame to turf her out when you both took so much effort making it a special place for her. It might make her feel you dont want her anymore.
I do not know all the ins and outs of situation. But if it was me from what you have shared i would put my baby in the small room, (bearing in mind your baby could sleep in your room with you for a few months at first), then move baby to small room.
If there came a time when you were having another child or your child needed a bigger room. I would talk with my niece maybe suggest as she was growing up now perhaps she would like her own space in the attic and you could decorate it in a way that she wished etc.

Original poster
newmummy0094 · 23/08/2018 21:16

@HoleyCoMoley
She is four. She's starting school this time.
She is already taking the baby thing very badly. I also have to tell her that I won't be able to pick her up from school for a bit when the baby comes. I don't what her to think that the baby is more important.

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SillyMoomin · 23/08/2018 21:18

The baby is more important though? It’s your baby. Your niece is your niece.

Unless there’s a safe guarding issue here, and there’s a reason you have to have your niece stay over so much, you probably won’t be able to keep up the level of contact with your niece once the baby comes.

Original poster
newmummy0094 · 23/08/2018 21:19

@RoseMartha
My niece is four but nearly five.
The room is a small single but would fit a cot and maybe a changing table.

The problem is more that it's is quite far from our bedroom and it sort of on a different floor.

OP posts:
AtrociousCircumstance · 23/08/2018 21:20

Why is your niece with you so much?

RowenaDedalus · 23/08/2018 21:24

This is your second thread about your niece today I think? So it’s clearly really worrying you. Why does your niece stay with you so much- is it just a close family connection or is there more to it? I think it’s ok that she knows that the baby is very important - it’s your baby!

FishesThatFly · 23/08/2018 21:25

Think you need to hold off currently doing a room for the baby as it will be in with you but eventually your niece needs to move rooms.

Your child should be priority and as they will be there all the time, should have the most appropriate room

converseandjeans · 23/08/2018 21:25

I think it depends on why she is with you so much. I can't see why baby can't have the small room as long as you have monitor, baby gates and so on. Get her involved in choosing stuff.

Original poster
newmummy0094 · 23/08/2018 21:27

@SillyMoomin @AtrociousCircumstance
@RowenaDedalus
My sister had postnatal depression when she was younger so I looked after her a lot. When she was about two she lived with me for eight months.

My sister is a lot better now however she does need time to relax during the week.
I'm happy to have my niece a lot as she is like a daughter to me.

I'm also aware that if my sister ever gets ill again I will need to be there for my niece.

OP posts:
SurfingOwl · 23/08/2018 21:27

I’d let your niece keep her room, at least for now. Let her adjust to the new baby first of all. Babies sleeping on different floors are fine - buy effective monitors so you can hear but I guarantee you’ll wake up regardless.

Enidblyton1 · 23/08/2018 21:28

The baby will be in your room for the first few months so you can use this time to work out the best plan. Plenty of children share bedrooms - it might be that when your baby is 6 months old you can put a cot in with your niece and they sleep fine together.
It doesn’t make sense to put your baby in the further room - especially as your niece only spends 3 nights a week at your house - so hey’ll either have to share or your niece will have to move rooms. Can you make your niece excited about decorating the other room?

Pepper123123 · 23/08/2018 21:29

I'd approach it by making it sound exciting to your niece.

Tell her her current room is the baby bedroom and now that she's a big girl she'll get to have a big girl bedroom and maybe choose a new bed spread or some decoration for herself.

In my experience little children love to feel grown up. It may be that she'd feel great giving up her 'baby room' to the new baby so she can have a big girl room?

Enidblyton1 · 23/08/2018 21:30

Good point about monitors etc.
How far away is the little room?

Cupoftchaiagain · 23/08/2018 21:35

Baby is recommended to share your room for the first 6 months. If you put room decisions off till after that time then it may be easier - your niece will hopefully have bonded with her little cousin by then. She might delighted to 'host' baby in her room. Then as they both get older, you can make adjustments and swaps as needed. Main thing is that it sounds like your niece had had a far from straightforward start and probably really needs to continue feeling secure with you.

ourkidmolly · 23/08/2018 21:38

Are you to continue with this level of commitment when you have your child? Does your niece have a dad?

espoleta · 23/08/2018 21:41

I just wanted to say you sound lovely to care for your niece and sister so well.

Original poster
newmummy0094 · 23/08/2018 21:45

@ourkidmolly
My nieces dad is lovely but when my sister had her breakdown he just couldn't cope with looking after her and my niece.
If we hadn't taken my niece I think he would have had a breakdown too.
I will continue with as much childcare as I can. I am worried about not being able to do as much and my sister not coping.

OP posts:
pileoflaundry · 23/08/2018 21:48

You sound like a very caring aunt and sister.

There is half a flight of stairs between my bedroom and DS's (who is 3). DS isn't a great sleeper so it would be more convenient if he was right next door, but in the scheme of things it's completely fine.

Your new baby might spend many months, or even longer, in your room. If your niece is a light sleeper she might dislike the crying from next door and suggest herself that she moves rooms.

Or she might become so protective that she will want to share her room with the baby. You never know how it will work out.

If you haven't already, you could try emphasising that the baby will be HER new nephew. When I had DS, my DD's nursery referred to him as DD's baby, which I wasn't expecting, but it helped her a lot with the new arrival. She was very proud of DS and protective when people fussed over him too much, "He's MINE!".

ourkidmolly · 23/08/2018 21:54

I think you should anticipate that you won't be able to commit to this level of childcare. Particularly after the birth. Are your parents able to help?

GiraffeObsessedBaby · 23/08/2018 21:55

I think @Pepper123123 has got an awesome solution! Try that OP!

LastOneDancing · 23/08/2018 21:57

As PP have said, I'd let her stay for now & see how the land lies in a few months when the baby is ready for his/her own room.

The reasonable thing is that she moves to the small room as she's not at yours permanently and you'll potentially be up & down several times a night with a baby.

Children are much more resilient than we expect. If she's secure with you & you make it fun, she will be ok about moving after she's adjusted.

You sound lovely OP.

1tobleroneplease · 23/08/2018 21:57

Why don't you try and make it exciting for your niece, like go and pick wallpaper and nice things to go in her new room because baby will have to be close to you.
Practically it will make more sense to have baby in the bigger room and the one next to your room... maybe explain to your niece that she has 2 bedrooms (one at mums and one at yours) and baby will only have 1 so that she still feels special?

titchy · 23/08/2018 21:59

You sound very kind, but your sister is massively taking the piss, and your dn must feel very rejected by her mum. If you have pnd do you think your sis would help you as much?

toothtruth · 23/08/2018 22:02

Baby wont need its own room until at least 6 months and then he/she will not actually need very much space at all. Most of the time the baby will be in whatever room you are in, they wont need their own large space until several years old.
So I think you should let your niece keep her room for now and re adress the situation in a couple of years when she is more likely to have come to terms with the baby.
If you put the baby in its own room at 6 months it will only be overnight and you can just use a baby monitor as many other people do who do not have rooms close to each other.

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