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Original poster

Could I ask some condom advice please

35 replies

highlighta · 21/08/2018 09:02

New to the dating game. Not been in need of a condom for a very long time. Have a impending date, possibly open to fwb type thing for now.

I will be taking condoms, he has already mentioned that he suffers with lack of sensation when using them, but he also had not used any recently. (he is also recently out of a ltr in which they did not use any). he is not against them, just says he preferred not to in the past relationship.

I will go for a better brand and not the cheapy kind. But any suggestion please for which ones would be best? Obviously don't want him having no or limited sensation. The aisle is a bit daunting if you haven't bought any for 25 years.

Please share any suggestions.

If you've found this page in search of condoms that have been tried and tested by fellow Mumsnet users, you might find our guide to the best condoms useful. Hope this helps! MNHQ

OP posts:

ShatnersWig · 21/08/2018 09:07

I wouldn't go on the date.

If HE finds condoms gives him a lack of sensation, then HE should have found which ones give him the best "response".

I'm staggered this has even been discussed already, quite honestly. Something sounds amiss.

ichifanny · 21/08/2018 09:11

Can he not bring his own condoms ? They need to be right size for him .

WooYa · 21/08/2018 09:12

I would leave it to him... he should know what kinds he prefers to use. I wouldn't go if I couldn't guarantee protection.

Interested in this thread?

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Women's health

MysteriousQuinn · 21/08/2018 09:13

Can't stand it when men bleat on about not liking condoms. Well I don't like unplanned pregnancies so tough luck mate!
There's many different ones you can get but in mine and dh's experience they all feel pretty much the same for him. Ribs and dots feel nice for women though
I suppose you could go for the thin feel ones, supposed to feel more natural.

Original poster

highlighta · 21/08/2018 09:16

This is someone I have known for a long time, both in same situation due to recent break ups. I know the condom situation because of previous discussions. We are pretty open. I don't doubt he will take some, but I am going to as well to be sure.

I will be going. I just wanted advice on the condoms though.

OP posts:

BlueBug45 · 21/08/2018 09:19

As PPs said it's up to him to find the type of condoms he prefers.

I would have some on you in case but if he refuses to wear them then you need to refuse to have a sexual relationship with him for your own physical health, and any other type of relationship with him for your own emotional and mental health. Guys have been making that excuse about condoms for decades and OLD gives those with STIs an easier way of spreading them.

User3262760621 · 21/08/2018 09:26

Speaking as a bloke, I would be Very wary here. Sure, he speaks the truth - condoms are pretty shit. But. But - it isn't something you normally say outright before sex. I'd be concerned he is trying to soften you up to then "not bother" with them or similar.

ShatnersWig · 21/08/2018 09:28

As a man, even if I found condoms dulled the sensation, I wouldn't dream of discussing that with someone I wasn't already in an exclusive committed sexual relationship and as part of an open discussion on future contraception.

My best friend is female, I've known her for years and years and we've been through break ups but wouldn't dream of talking about how condoms dull sensations for me if it were true.

Sorry, I find this weird.

tectonicplates · 21/08/2018 09:33

he has already mentioned that he suffers with lack of sensation when using them

Oldest excuse in the book. I wish I could have a tenner for every time I've heard this rubbish. Men who make those kinds of excuses are only interested in sex and don't really care about you.

Original poster

highlighta · 21/08/2018 09:36

Thank you Blue

He isn't refusing to wear them, I just will be taking some along.

Not being cryptic but don't want it as outing as to what he does, He is not able to access any, bar the standard issue ones handed out. So he will have those, which I am assuming are going to be bog standard ones. Which make sensation more difficult.

I will be going and there is nothing sinister about it. It isn't an OLD meet up either. It is someone I know. For a very long time.

OP posts:

catlady34 · 21/08/2018 09:37

The durex ultra thin feel ones are great, you barely notice they're there.

Original poster

highlighta · 21/08/2018 09:44

Thank you Cat.

Thank you all for the heads up, yes from my limited OP it may seem that he is just chancing his luck. This isn't the case though.

Shatners what is weird about discussing condoms?

OP posts:

DonaldLovesDoritos · 21/08/2018 09:51

I'm not sure why people are saying men can't find condom sex unappealing because of sensation.

DH has this issue, doesn't matter which ones he uses. We have used it as a method before and did so for quite a while, but it is true that it just isn't great for some men

HotTeaCup · 21/08/2018 09:52

Never mind unplanned pregnancy. It would be very reckless to be in an open or FWB arrangement and not use condoms to protect everyone (as in not just himself/yourself) from STDs even after the results of a STD test. Even in a LTR there are no guarantees unless both are being strictly monogamous. I presume you are smarter than to fall for the withdrawal method he is likely to suggest in his bid to avoid the hardship of using condoms.

ShatnersWig · 21/08/2018 09:58

OP As a man, I wouldn't discuss it with a woman who I wasn't already in a sexual relationship with. I know the condom situation because of previous discussions. We are pretty open I'm pretty open with my female friends. Especially my best friend. Never discussed my condom usage with them though.

Donald Oh I am quite prepared to accept some men find sensation is dulled. That's why there are different sorts and us men can find the one that is the best for us. It may not feel as great as not wearing one but that's the way the cookie crumbles.

soupforbrains · 21/08/2018 10:02

Oh for heavens sake everyone. OP is not saying that she is even slightly considering having sex without a condom. In fact she is simply being sensible and ensuring that they will have condoms should the situation arise.

In addition she is being considerate taking into account what he has previously talked about with her as a friend. Shatner and User you add a valuable perspective as men, however I have discussed this sort of thing with several of my very good male friends and know about their preferences, I am not, have not and will not ever be likely to be involved with any of them in a sexual relationship it is just something we have discussed. The OP hasn't only just met this man, and he hasn't only brought up the condom thing now.

as catlady said durex ultra thin are good. Trojan Charged are also supposed to be good for increasing male pleasure.

happymummy12345 · 21/08/2018 10:22

What's the issue with discussing use of condoms with someone you're not in a relationship with?
My dh and I talked about it. Personally I hate condoms and I've never ever had sex with one, never wanted a man to use them. I'm on the pill so that protects me from getting pregnant, and I've always just chanced it with regards other things, even with random one night stands.
I don't see how anyone can enjoy sex with a condom, man or woman.

ShatnersWig · 21/08/2018 12:07

I'm on the pill so that protects me from getting pregnant, and I've always just chanced it with regards other things, even with random one night stands.

Well, you're a bit fucking stupid really then, aren't you?

soupforbrains · 21/08/2018 13:17

^ I have to say I agree with Shatner here. There are so many 'what-ifs' involved in that it's a ridiculous approach to sexual health. ok, many STIs can be fixed with a short course of antibiotics, but there are still many STDs that will do you a lot of harm before they can be cured not to mention HIV and AIDS.

IfIWasABirdIdFlyIn2ACeilingFan · 21/08/2018 13:21

*and I've always just chanced it with regards other things, even with random one night stands.

BuggerOffAndGoodDayToYou · 21/08/2018 13:25

We use condoms and have done for 15 years. We use Durex Thin Feel. DH has never complained about using them.

Original poster

highlighta · 22/08/2018 06:56

Thanks for the suggestions, will look for the thin feel type.

Soup, yes this is how I see it. I am not going to chance going without using protection, but I also want him to get as much from it as possible as well.

Happy, how do you know you hate condoms if you have never had sex using one?

OP posts:

somedayillbesaturdaynite · 22/08/2018 07:07

Try mates skyn, they're non-latex and not the cheapest but well worth it.

FatCow2018 · 22/08/2018 07:13

What do you mean he can only get the standard issued ones?! Even if he was military etc, he can go to a sodding supermarket?! I don't understand that statement.

TokyoSushi · 22/08/2018 07:15

We sometimes have Durex invisible as a treat! They're the best, but expensive!

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