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Original poster

Would you date a sex offender?

172 replies

RatRolyPoly · 19/08/2018 13:56

...if the offense was nothing whatsoever to do with children? But was against a female victim, they definitely did it (pleaded guilty, no mitigating factors, no scope for confusion of misunderstanding etc.) and they are on the sex offenders' register.

And no, I'm not considering dating a sex offender, definitely NOT, that's not the capacity in which I'm asking. Although I do have a specific individual in mind when I ask, hence my being semi-specific about the circumstances.

Thanks!

OP posts:

Madcatwoman68 · 19/08/2018 18:15

WomanWithAltitude · 19/08/2018 19:30

The thing is, those women wouldn't see themselves as dating / defending 'a sex offender'. They minimise and excuse what happened to the point where they actually convince themselves that he's really just a misunderstood innocent victim. They are deluded to the point of being dangerous.

shrumps · 19/08/2018 19:42

Absolutely not.

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 19/08/2018 19:52

Not a chance in Hell Rat, never.
For you.💐

Bowlofbabelfish · 19/08/2018 20:06

Ah rat I just read the rest of the thread... I’m so sorry.

WomanWithAltitude · 19/08/2018 20:13

My rapist's wife and (adult) kids turned up to court every day to support him. They heard exactly what he did, but still yelled abuse at the jury when the guilty verdict was delivered.

So I also don't think this thread is representative. Plenty of women are more than happy to date a sex offender.

Allthatsnot · 19/08/2018 20:15

Surely its just as relevant what type of woman a sex offender would go for?
I thinkyou probably already know his type OP and its unlikely to change.
As a general abusers of all types tend to like empaths who fall for their lies, believe they can make them better or cannot see people as being bad/evil as they do not have any sense of that in themselves. These types of people, thankfully, tend to be more drawn to each other than sadists.

Greenandcabbagelooking · 19/08/2018 20:18

No, because I’d lose my job if I did. I have to declare if anyone I am related to/married to/living with has criminal convictions.

I object to it a little bit, particularly for family or housemates because I haven’t chosen the first, and am nothing to do with the latter, just sharing a kitchen and bathroom.

fruitshot · 19/08/2018 20:38

Friends mum got involved with a guy on the register.

It was for having sex with a minor and a lot of very inappropriate pornography.

She didn't know at first, he was very charming blah blah, seemed a great guy. She then found out and stayed with him, believed a load of his stories etc until his probation worker contacted her as she was a TA in a primary school.

She is lovely. She thought he had changed, she believed his stories, was desperately lonely and wanted a companion.

Rebecca36 · 19/08/2018 20:49

I would not knowingly date a sex offender.

DontDribbleOnTheCarpet · 19/08/2018 20:58

I wouldn't now, but as a young woman I might have done. Now I think about who/what I like, but back then I was so grateful if any man showed any liking for me that I accepted a lot of things I wouldn't now.

I think part of the problem is that we all have a picture of how a sex offender will be, and the evil dripping from them would be obvious. So it isn't always easy to connect apparently normal men with that image. I suspect there is a lot of "Oh, he isn't like all those really bad sex offenders" type thinking going on.

WomanWithAltitude · 19/08/2018 21:06

I suspect there is a lot of "Oh, he isn't like all those really bad sex offenders" type thinking going on.

Sex offenders don't look like monsters, and people can't square that with what they know, so they choose to minimise/disbelieve.

SharpLily · 20/08/2018 07:21

I have a former friend (actually a cousin) who would. It's her style all over, for a combination of factors - she's always been attracted to the dark glamour of a 'bad boy', she thinks she could be the one to change him, save him, but what it ultimately comes down to is that she's never had that much interest from men and will jump on anyone who looks her way just because she fetishises couplehood and is always desperate to have a man.

She's not young and naive, she's in her early forties now, she doesn't suffer from low self esteem, has never been abused, she had a very comfortable childhood with a well meaning but very silly and shallow mother but she is a typical (and I know it's not popular to use the term on Mumsnet but it's fitting) chav.

She is the type of woman who makes sure her children have expensive clothes and every gadget out there and feels that they're deprived if they don't have an enormous flatscreen in each bedroom, but will feed them biscuits and chocolate for breakfast and isn't particularly worried about education. It seems it's more important for them to be delivered to school in a BMW than to actually do their homework or pay attention while they're there. One ex went down for assault and she minimised hugely, saying the man in question 'deserved it' - apparently he'd said something bad about her boyfriend's mum or something, and that obviously merited getting his skull split open.

Basically she's stupid and her morals are deeply confused, but she's unlikely to be any kind of danger to the child of a sex offender she would date. At worst a bad influence.

bertielab · 20/08/2018 07:26

No I wouldn’t. Never.

OutPinked · 20/08/2018 07:59

No I wouldn’t even dream of it.

Stephisaur · 20/08/2018 09:31

Hypothetically, I guess it would depend on the nature of the offence.

Anything to do with children or rape would be a definite no.

If it was something like "he was 16, his girlfriend was 15 and her dad dobbed him in because she was underage even though it was consensual" then I think there's maybe a bit of wiggle room?

It's really tough, I'm sorry you have to even think about this Rat - here's hoping that if someone does date him then they're the eternal optimist type x

meadowmeow · 20/08/2018 09:57

Now as a 40+ year old with children and life experience I would say absolutely not. If I met and liked someone and they told me this I would end it.

20 years ago? They probably could have reeled me in and twisted the facts to justify the situation.

continuallychargingmyphone · 20/08/2018 10:07

Thing is the flip side to this is that it’s going to be impossible for sex offenders to reintegrate. Which leads to an increased possibility of re offending.

Just thinking out loud really

Original poster

RatRolyPoly · 20/08/2018 10:19

Thing is the flip side to this is that it’s going to be impossible for sex offenders to reintegrate. Which leads to an increased possibility of re offending.

You've just reminded me of a book I read a good many years ago called "Lost Memories of Skin" by Russell Banks. It's a really morally complex novel about a young sex offender in the US and it wrangles issues like the one you just touched.

OP posts:

dinosaurkisses · 20/08/2018 10:27

No, I wouldn’t.

Regardless of the crime he was nailed for, I’d find it difficult to believe that it was “just a one off” and would never happen again.

With conviction and reporting rates as low as they are, the probability would be that he’s done similar or worse before.

mehhh · 20/08/2018 10:28

Noooooo

Pressuredrip · 20/08/2018 10:30

Wouldn't it be easier just to not allow him contact with his child/children? There are plenty of peklle who ignore contact orders and get away with it. Some will shoot me down for saying that, but not all men deserve a relationship with their child.

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