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Original poster

Would you date a sex offender?

172 replies

RatRolyPoly · 19/08/2018 13:56

...if the offense was nothing whatsoever to do with children? But was against a female victim, they definitely did it (pleaded guilty, no mitigating factors, no scope for confusion of misunderstanding etc.) and they are on the sex offenders' register.

And no, I'm not considering dating a sex offender, definitely NOT, that's not the capacity in which I'm asking. Although I do have a specific individual in mind when I ask, hence my being semi-specific about the circumstances.

Thanks!

OP posts:
Inevereverwanttogohome · 19/08/2018 15:15

ClashCityRocker that is so true about the excuses. My father tried to attack me earlier this year and it totally traumatised me, brought back memories from childhood. It made me realise that even though he was an old man he was still a danger. My mother dismissed it as confusion caused by his illness, eventually told me to stop going on about it. She didn't think he was a risk because he was old and... 'he only has one eye' FFS. I am NC with mother now, so god knows what sort of shit my brother and her say about me to justify what happend.

Inevereverwanttogohome · 19/08/2018 15:18

[CatchingBabies] that's shocking.

NotAnotherNoughtiesTune · 19/08/2018 15:19

What type of crime is revenge porn then?

Libel? Harassment?

I had my ex show people videos of us he took without me knowing when I was 17. So anyone who does revenge porn type crimes would not be on my radar.

Not just that it's sexual it's also shows they are manipulative, Barbour resentment and don't deal with conflict well which is not what I want with a partner.

ToEarlyForDecorations · 19/08/2018 15:21

Yep, all of the above.

Some women WILL excuse the paedophile behaviour of their partner as has been described up thread. Or for example he only had 600 images of child porn on his computer not 6000.

Some people are adept at saying that the victim and the authorities lied. Some people minimise either the perpetrator or the offence.

There was a PP who dated a sex offender and after the relationship had ended found out the details of his offence and says it was a million times worse that what he said it was. Yep.

Women do date known sex offenders. He is somehow a 'hero' or 'edgy and dangerous' in their view.

You don't know what sort of 'train wreck' family a person will have come from to be dating a sex offender.

Some women are so desperate for a baby/family of their own that they are not fussy who the father is. Which includes the bloke that no one else wanted i.e. a sex offender.

isadoradancing123 · 19/08/2018 15:23

Only if it was a 17 year old with his 15 year old girlfriend

Pinkprincess1978 · 19/08/2018 15:25

I never could or would but I did work with someone who dated (and later had a child) with someone who had had co sensual sex with a 12 year old when he was an adult. He served time, apparently she knew as went to school with him.

Original poster
RatRolyPoly · 19/08/2018 15:26

I don't know NotAnother, but I do know they are only now proposing laws that would see someone guilty of revenge porn registered as a sex offender. www.independent.ie/irish-news/politics/revenge-porn-guilty-to-be-listed-as-sex-offenders-36888244.html

OP posts:
WhyDidIEatThat · 19/08/2018 15:27

There aren’t too many places in the world where 12 year olds can consent 😕

wegotthis · 19/08/2018 15:34

I almost did. We originally met in a neutral place and set a date for a drink date, it was only through ninja Googling that I found out about his crime (he was a young adult when it happened, this was 7 yrs later). I was disgusted and cancelled.
I think there may be a few shades of grey with sex offences but I can't imagine a time where I would forgive it and be with a person like that.

Original poster
RatRolyPoly · 19/08/2018 15:36

God bless Google!!

OP posts:
DramaAlpaca · 19/08/2018 15:38

No I wouldn't.

I'm sorry that happened to you Rat Flowers

Mummyoflittledragon · 19/08/2018 15:47

No not now. In my 40’s. Would I have done in my teens and into my early 20’s. Maybe? I had very very low self esteem at the time and thought I was pretty worthless. I was also hopelessly gullible. I wasn’t parented in the way I parent or told anything of any consequence. I think people, who’ve been brought up in a nurturing environment or weren’t and have since had a considerable amount of therapy wouldn’t.

ClashCityRocker · 19/08/2018 15:55

Ineverever (smiths fan?)

Sorry you had to go through that, and had the person who was supposed to protect you make excuses. Flowers

Yes, people would much rather minimise than deal with the facts and consequences.

Chipsahoy · 19/08/2018 16:28

My abuser is married with a daughter. I see his wife as a victim. He deliberately targeted and groomed girls, for his now wife, she was 16, very sweet and innocent. I see a lot of myself in her. So I guess perhaps someone that will end up with him, will be a victim too. Brainwashed, groomed and unable to see it.

twattymctwatterson · 19/08/2018 16:34

@Pinkprincess1978 there's no such thing as consensual sex with a 12 year old. The guy in question groomed and raped a child

vampirethriller · 19/08/2018 16:35

No I wouldn't.

MorrisZapp · 19/08/2018 16:49

You’re asking the wrong people. Nobody on mumsnet is going to say yes, I’d date a sex offender. But then again, I bet if you asked people would you date a man who expects you to pick up his pants and wash them/ remember all his families birthdays/ can’t look after his own kids etc we’d all say no and yet loads of us live with these men.

It’s one thing to say hell no to a mythical tosser, it’s another thing entirely to find out that someone you have built a relationship with may not be as great as he first seemed.

Most sex offenders have wives, girlfriends, dates, just like the general population. Women will absolutely date them. Either they won’t know, it’ll be minimised, or they’ll rationalise.

Peter Sutcliffes wife stood by him. So did that woman in 24 Hours in Police Custody when her husband was carted off for downloading vast amounts of child abuse images. Her reaction was ‘how are we going to tell people?’.

You’re not getting a real life response here, because that’s not how the question is realistically answered.

Bowlofbabelfish · 19/08/2018 16:53

Nope.

The only, possible circumstance I can think of is some kind of hypothetical he’s 15 she’s 14 sort of consensual teen relationship in the distant past. However as far as I’m aware that’d not result in being on the register as an adult?

So no. Absolutely not

Original poster
RatRolyPoly · 19/08/2018 16:54

You're completely right Morris, of course. Perhaps I should have asked "what sort of person do you think would date a sex offender?", but I suppose I was holding out for the first-hand tale. I'm grateful I've had a couple that were close enough :) The speculation has been interesting in itself tbh!

OP posts:
ocelot41 · 19/08/2018 16:55

HELL NO. Is there by other answer?

Iknowwhoyouare123 · 19/08/2018 17:03

It's MN. No-one is going to say yes.

Same as no-one will say they happily got with their DP knowing he was abusive to his ex or has children he doesn't provide for.

Yet there seem to be millions of women who do it.

vikingpooboat · 19/08/2018 17:14

I used to visit my ex in prison regularly. The D category prison was predominantly a sex offenders jail (my ex was not in for anything of the sort ) a lot of woman visited these type of men in the prison knowing what they were in for. Sat kissing then on visits etc. There was one who was in for sexually abusing a baby and he had several lady visitors AngryAngry

caz123456 · 19/08/2018 17:24

I know someone who had two children with a rapist. When the kids were about 2 & 4 the police opened a cold case of a pregnant woman being raped at knifepoint and through DNA profiling it turned out to be him. When the police came to arrest him he wasn't there. She ended up leaving her older 2 children with a friend saying she was popping to the shop and went on the run with him and their two children! He was caught about a week or so later and ended up getting 18 years and during the court case it came out he was on licence when he committed the horrific offence for another rape that he had got 6 years for.

She actually stayed with him for a few years, going visiting him in prison etc absolutely unbelievable.

Once he got released he met someone else and his probation officer told him he had to tell the woman he was on the sex offenders register or they would. He told her, then she ended the relationship, but then found out she was pregnant and got back together with him.

About 2 months ago he was arrested for innapropriate behaviour against a woman in a pub (not sure what) and has been sent back to prison to serve the rest of his sentance.

It knocks me sick that I used to stop and chat with him and occaisionally sit in the pub with him. After he got released on licence he had the cheek to walk past me and try to start a conversation. I just said "Fuck off you rapist and never talk to me again" and then whenever I saw him after that he would put his head own and walk the other way.

WichBitchHarpyTerfThatsMe · 19/08/2018 17:55

No. Any man who ignores sexual boundaries, no matter how serious the offence may be legally, needs to be given a wide birth.

However, sadly, I've worked with many women who put their sexually abusive menfolk before their children. Also worked with many women whose mothers prioritised abusive men over their children. Tragic.

GreenGloves · 19/08/2018 18:12

I think if you ask straight up "would you date a sex offender?" the answer is no. But... then you think about all the women defending the likes of Ched Evans (now found not guilty I know) and Adam Johnson and you think yes, actually lots of women would probably go out with/stay with an offender.