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Original poster

Would you date a sex offender?

172 replies

RatRolyPoly · 19/08/2018 13:56

...if the offense was nothing whatsoever to do with children? But was against a female victim, they definitely did it (pleaded guilty, no mitigating factors, no scope for confusion of misunderstanding etc.) and they are on the sex offenders' register.

And no, I'm not considering dating a sex offender, definitely NOT, that's not the capacity in which I'm asking. Although I do have a specific individual in mind when I ask, hence my being semi-specific about the circumstances.

Thanks!

OP posts:
AnchorDownDeepBreath · 19/08/2018 14:36

I'd second the poster who said people aren't likely to admit it here.

But let's face it; there are hundreds of people who write to those on death row, who start relationships and get married to people serving life sentences for horrendous crimes; and at least a handful who try to conceive in those circumstances. For whatever reason; they accept their past. For some, it might even be an attraction...

You won't be able to protect people whom he wants to mislead into believing it didn't happen like that; or that he's changed. To be honest, some people might be able to rationalise some crimes as "not that bad" - depending on what his offence was, or decide that he wouldn't do the same to them... You can't save everyone. You really have done your bit.

I hope you're alright Thanks

MouseholeCat · 19/08/2018 14:36

Nope. No freaking way!

I found out a guy I dated was put on the sex offenders register for committing a crime about a year after I dated him. I felt so sick when I found out, but very relieved I hadn't ended up in a relationship with him.

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 19/08/2018 14:37

Unless you've got kids with him; of course. That would change things a bit.

Original poster
RatRolyPoly · 19/08/2018 14:38

Thank you shady, that's really helpful. I'm sorry for your experiences and really pleased for you that you've come so far Smile

Don't worry about it Crunchy, it's for my own sanity I'm being cagey. It's one thing knowing something, it's another thing saying it out loud.

OP posts:
soulrider · 19/08/2018 14:38

It almost sounds like you're more worried about the sort of person who would date a sex offender than the sex offender themselves. That doesn't strike me as a particularly healthy or rational way of thinking.

MeMyselfand · 19/08/2018 14:38

No, I wouldn't put myself at risk in that way

Justanotheruser01 · 19/08/2018 14:38

Was he 17 her 15 that type of situation? Possibly. A dark lane jump situation oh hell no

Original poster
RatRolyPoly · 19/08/2018 14:39

Unless you've got kids with him; of course. That would change things a bit.

Uh-huh, I think it probably would...

OP posts:
knicksfan · 19/08/2018 14:39

Nope. Absolutely not. Why would you even consider it?

Original poster
RatRolyPoly · 19/08/2018 14:39

I've got my reasons soulrider :)

OP posts:
DancingDot · 19/08/2018 14:40

Why is the sex offender still in the lives of those nearest and dearest to you?

NoClueWhatNext · 19/08/2018 14:41

Its impossible to say without knowing the circumstances and the actual 'sex offence'. a pointless thread, I would say.

Livinglavidal0ca · 19/08/2018 14:41

You said they weren’t exactly present, maybe taking pictures/videos when said person was asleep?
This happened to me. Absolutely vile. Still assault. Still horrific.

mostdays · 19/08/2018 14:41

I am 99% sure that I would not (unless the offence was that he was 16/17/18 and his partner 15 years 11 months or something very, very similar).

Popchyk · 19/08/2018 14:42

Rats, don't share any more than you feel comfortable with. Must be so hard for you.

You can always namechange on here if you want to. Start a new thread. Or not.

TerfsUp · 19/08/2018 14:42

No.

Original poster
RatRolyPoly · 19/08/2018 14:42

Perhaps pointless for the casual reader NoClue, but far from it for me. Sorry not to be more rewarding.

OP posts:
loopylass13 · 19/08/2018 14:43

Before I knew a sex offender in real life, no way would I ever have dated one. However I do know a vulnerable adult who made a mistake and now is on the register. Suppose I've come to realise that in life it isn't so cut clear as guilty/not guilty.

Aeroflotgirl · 19/08/2018 14:44

Noway, I would run for the hills.

lovelychops · 19/08/2018 14:44

Not me. But my friend did.
He told her once they were an established couple and she'd fell for him.
He I assume, did a lot of minimising. He'd been to prison for it and I assume presented it that, 'he'd done his time'.
My friend didn't tell anyone till after they'd split. I can't go into details, but she subsequently discovered his crime was a million times worse than what he'd told her...

The thing that gets me is she's one of the strongest women I know. Not lacking in confidence at all. I lost a lot of respect for her after I found out. I was also angry that he'd been part of our social circle from Time to time - and we had no idea what he was.
I often think of the woman he attacked. And wonder how she is.. and he's out there living his life.

Original poster
RatRolyPoly · 19/08/2018 14:45

It's okay Popchyk, I think it's kind of helping, but thank you.

Still no takers for the non-violent non-paedo sex offender then folks? Oh, my sense of humour's kicked back in, good stuff! I do appreciate the speculation, even if pp's are right that no-one would admit it on here. Like I say, it's the sort of person I'm trying to get my head around I suppose. Cheers for all the input.

OP posts:
AbsentmindedWoman · 19/08/2018 14:45

No I would not. I'm so sorry you went through this.

I think if he is intelligent and fun, or very good looking, or has distinct charisma, unfortunately it is very likely that he will be able to manipulate women though. At least for a time, until they/ the community he's mixing in see him for what he is.

Original poster
RatRolyPoly · 19/08/2018 14:46

Suppose I've come to realise that in life it isn't so cut clear as guilty/not guilty.

Yes, that's the reality of how many people would see it I suppose. Me too actually I should think. Although perhaps not in the case of sex offences.

OP posts:
ShadyLady53 · 19/08/2018 14:47

If you have a child with this person or this person is a relative, do every possible thing you can to prevent them having contact with them.

Sorry if it doesn’t help at all but...digging deeper...I think it’s possible that a sadistic person could be drawn into a relationship with an offender. A Hindley/Brady kind of connection. I think it would be EXTREMLEY rare, but it could happen.

If it were me, I would take no risks whatsoever with a child. It’s more difficult if it is not your child but a grandchild or niece or nephew but surely legally, if it’s your own child, you could somehow legally prevent access.

Whenwillitstop1 · 19/08/2018 14:49

I think it really depends. Serious offences, Rape, sexual assault etc. Definitely no, not ever, there can be no explaining those. Something like drunkenly flashing or revenge porn, possibly. Would depend on the circumstances.