Hilarious FB stealth boasts

[lovelyjubilly]

'I feel so guilty! I have taken my children out doing fun activities every day of the summer holidays so far for the past 3 weeks and today we are having a day at home. I feel so bad that they're going to be bored! Anyone else feeling guilty about having a day at home?'

Any other gems?

'making another healthy deposit into the most important account in the world...the memory bank'

Oh beurk.

I was reading these thinking that I don't have anyone like that on my FB, then read this...

The food virtue signallers are my favourite, particularly preachy vegans.

... and realized it was because it was me .

@TheMythicalChicken same here

I love all the nonsense FB and Insta deliver - I just find this stuff pure entertainment it never really winds me up.

The best stealth I had is from a friend who travels a lot.

Not only the obligatory picture of the champagne on the armrest in Business Class, but the caption reading 'You know the universe is trying to tell you that you travel too much when they always save you the best seat in Business and you are on first name terms with all the staff' - then with the actual seat number of the actual aircraft she was on. Classic.

I love the counter revolution idea. I had to visit a relative in prison recently and I was so tempted to do a self in front of the prison #makingmemories.

I have one fab friend like this.My favourite of her posts was a picture of her kids outside their new house which was on a culdesac with the caption #joysonprivatedrive.
It's all just so absurd.

I have a friend, who is actually really lovely, but documents her life with countless hashtags. Her current favourite is #igotthis.

Dropping the kids at preschool, going to work, getting a coffee, going to countless gym classes, fucking her knee and having surgery following gym class, still going to gym classes and not resting her knee, taking the kids to the park...are all #igotthis.

I can't decide whether I dislike #igotthis more or less than her previous favourite, #mumlife.

She had a really messy split with her partner, so I think it began as a bit of a facade rather than just because she's a bit of a fanny.

There's another on my FB who doesn't post the brag stuff herself - but her DH tags her in absolutely every single status he posts and he's a right bugger for it. Always little digs at everyone else's parenting in the hashtags as well - and endless photos of his kid peeing al fresco (said child is getting to that age where it tips over from being toddler needing a pee cute to just downright a bit chavvy). They recently got a dog though (the week before they dumped it on someone else for dog sitting and buggered off on holiday for a fortnight to give you some idea of how good they're going to be at this dog owning lark) and suddenly it's Dog of The Year and they're like dog gurus bragging their puppy has immediately fully toilet trained, started sleeping through the night and knows all his commands instantly, while immediately curing their child's dog phobia too.

To be fair I'll take the cute dog photos over the endless stream of child piddle ones.

puntcuffin

Ugh, just some of the thousands of reasons why I will never have FB

Friend on my FB likes to mention her feather quilt and prosecco.

"Just put the twins to bed, now for some ice cold prosecco"

"Can't wait to slip under my feather quilt" She will also mention the feather quilt on other people's statuses. She is extremely toxic. Such a vile person but I have so many mutual friends I can't remove her.

The other day she was parked outside my work (her DP works with me) and I had just got into my car and it was sweltering because of the heat and the fact my windows had been closed all day.

As I drove past her I opened my passenger window and said hello, she started engaging in a conversation so I said "Sorry XXX I have to go, mt car is sweltering!" I was only moving my car.

As I drove up the road I could hear her shouting "My cars got air con".

Me and DP had a hell of a giggle about it. She is such a boaster on FB and in real life.

I felt like reversing back and saying my car has fucking air con too!

@Acitywallandatrampoline is the person you're talking about a vegan by any chance?? If not there's someone very similar out there!!

As I drove up the road I could hear her shouting "My cars got air con".

😂😂😂

I don't mind people sharing nice things or celebrating as long as it's fairly up front but I hate it when people share one thing but really it's about another (usually what an amazing person they are, how they are the best wifey, best mummy, their struggles are so much more than anyone else's)

E.g. DC and I had a lovely day at the park. The ducks were cute.
I did a marathon and am super happy with my time.
Love baking. Check out this cake.

None of the above bother me because it's nice and simple sharing. I like seeing nice things on social media.

What I hate are things like:
It hasn't been easy for me but I'm so grateful for all my buddies at the running club who've helped me overcome all my barriers to complete a marathon. (Great you did a marathon, do we need the life stories with a hint of my minor life stress makes this marathon so much more than any marathon any of you have done? No)

What a lovely way to welcome hubster back from work - with a photo of a cake (Great your cake looks awesome, but save the 'look at my wifey points / look at how much I must love my husband' implications)

As if we had to spend a day inside. Kids are crawling up the walls because they've been so used to trips out... lists trips... (I love hearing about days out and hapoy things, but again save the implied 'gosh I am a super mum look at how much ido with my children' tone).

'Boy did good. So lucky to have him.' - with photo of a present from DP (Great you have something new, but save the 'my boyfriend is clearly better than yours' nonsense)

Talking to a friend this morning who has been invited to the wedding of a mutual acquaintance in a couple of weeks. Thought of this thread straight away. This acquaintance is having a wedding spread over three days. They post little on Facebook but when they do it’s about their lifestyle
I mentioned them being in the royal box for ascot. Yep. The tickets were a freebie through his work !

A very very very lavish bespoke wedding ring was posted with the jeweller who made it tagged and thanks for it etc. Seriously ring them and thank them but anyway. Yep. Ring hasn’t even been paid for yet and they have taken out a loan to pay for it.

The car. Yep on lease etc
It’s all about how you spin it!

I have a friend whose hubby does the same work trip each summer to LA. My DP does the same tour. When my friend's DH comes back he does a HUGE airport shop, think Coach handbag, Jo Malone candles etc, he spends a fortune and my friend always posts a pic of her haul on FB with a message saying he's the best husband in the world.

Her DH is the only one prone to getting up to no good on these work trips and he's generally quite nasty to her. I wonder if that's why she boasts about her amazing hubby all the fecking time on FB, to convince herself he's not a complete knob?

The worst one for it on my FB feed is less of a stealth boaster and more of an out and out blatant boaster. She takes a picture of herself every time she leaves the house and endless statuses about how much she loves her life, her wealth and her perfect husband. The husband who has cheated on her repeatedly on and off for about 10 years, who left her for someone else a while back and eventually went back to her, who was spotted on a dating site only a couple of weeks ago. I don’t know who she thinks she’s fooling...herself maybe? Certainly nobody else. I feel sorry for her.

What a lovely way to welcome hubster back from work - with a photo of a cake (Great your cake looks awesome, but save the 'look at my wifey points / look at how much I must love my husband' implications)

My DH would be posting "Came home today and she has made a cake!!!!" #tryingtokillme #passtherennies #phonethepolice

he's generally quite nasty to her. I wonder if that's why she boasts about her amazing hubby all the fecking time on FB, to convince herself he's not a complete knob?

I'm a cynical ole trout, but I'm always very suspicious when people go overboard about how wonderful their "other half" is.

Too often in my experience it turns out that a woman is doing exactly as you suggest - struggling to ignore the truth; or worse, that she is afraid to even mentally criticise an abusive partner in case he reads her mind somehow and kicks the sh*t out of her.

I often think "Methinks the lady doth protest too much". I love my DH to bits, and I couldn't have a better husband, but honestly - there are times when he drives me crackers and I could cheerfully beat him to death with a shovel! #heprobablythinksthesameaboutme #weareonlyhuman #justgivemestrongdrinkandiwillcalmdown

Feel a bit bad for this one because of bettering oneself and all that but...

Stealth boaster has donated £30 to a charity instead of giving a birthday present to their friend (I think friend has done that 'no gifts please just give the money to charity' thing this year). Of course stealth boaster has to fb that they have not only donated a significant amount of money but that doing so was especially hard 'what with the run up to the phd beginning'. This is the latest in a series of posts crowbarring in that they are doing a PhD. E.g. 'just making the most of cooking an unhurried dinner, not sure I'll have the time once the phd begins. Because their phd requires them to translate certain Latin phrases we've also been treated to 'does anyone else find that they are unable to read [Roman epic] in English anymore as it's so watered down compared to the original?' Phd is always referred to as 'the' Phd too, like it's some sort of sentient lifeforms that's taking over their life. Maybe it is!?

I understand a phd is an enormous undertaking and a huge achievement and i am actually fascinated by their topic but god they are obnoxious about it on fb!