Hilarious FB stealth boasts

[lovelyjubilly]

'I feel so guilty! I have taken my children out doing fun activities every day of the summer holidays so far for the past 3 weeks and today we are having a day at home. I feel so bad that they're going to be bored! Anyone else feeling guilty about having a day at home?'

Any other gems?

I have one who constantly posts boasting about their kids...
Usually pictures with them posing with the latest handbags or with inappropriately aged clothes on.

This weekend they posted pictures boasting "finally finished Marley-lee's bedroom" with about twenty shots of the 9 year olds million and one toys, laptops, mobile phone on desk, tacky leopard print chair etc.

Slow claps all round for being able to tidy your kid's crap up.

Really enjoying reading all of these as I sit in my torn leggings and slobber-covered tee-short (have a big, dribbled dog) drinking discount wine and eating pom bears #livingthedream #thisisthelife #makingfatcells

Just got asked for ID to buy wine. I'm a 38yo CEO!

Bibithree that one made me laugh

A friend of mine has just posted on Mumsnet that she's wearing torn leggings and a dog slobber covered tee-shirt.

She lives in a mansion and is trying to hide the fact her dogs are taken care of by the hired kennel hand. She only managed to tear her leggings catching them in the door of her Baby Bentley #fauxearthchick #slummingitwiththepeasants

Just got asked for ID to buy wine. I'm a 38yo CEO!

It wasn't for age - it was because that's the 12th bottle this weekend! ;-)

Family friend of ours recently had a wedding onboard a cruise to the Bahamas. No guests, just her and her ‘hubby’.
She posted weekly for months with a countdown, then everyday for a week leading upto the big day (like prenatal checkups).
After that they became more frequent...the day they left port, the night before the nuptials, the morning of the nuptials, she even changed her surname on fb within an hour of being wed. All of this during a two week cruise of getting married & honeymooning. Not much of a mention about her new husband. Not one picture of the cruise ship or a glorious sunrise or sunset. But plenty of ‘married’ posts and check-ins (Ah she loves those!)
I honestly wondered if they hadn’t just stayed at home and hid from the neighbours for a fortnight.
Oh and while at sea she posted an anniversary message to her parents (neither of whom are on fb so they wouldn’t have read said message). “Happy anniversary Mum & Dad, would love to have been with you on your special day but I’m a little bit busy getting married myself”

I’m happy for them but the twice daily reminders from her were not necessary and in the end DH snoozed her posts for 30 days after.
Ok so there’s not much stealth in them I realise that but it was good to get off my chest. I’m not on fb but I’m enjoying this thread

😂😂😂 these are hilarious.

I have a few of these. A mum I know has lately been posting before and after pics of herself, telling everyone that eating healthy pays off. No, getting a gastric bypass pays off. She doesn’t tell anyone that bit!

Also a cf trying to stealth boost....
We have horses that live at our local stables, they use our horses for lessons ect. I have one of the stable girls on Facebook, she posted a pic of a horse and commented on how she loved having her own horse with loads of hashtags along the lines of #luckygirl #daddysgirl. IT WAS MY FUCKING HORSE. She’s only young and I didn’t want to embarrass her so just commented on how similar our horses looked 😂

Omg the I.D one 😀

I have one of the 'good life' #collectingmemoriesnotthings acquaintances on my feed. She too is a massive free loader and as tight as a ducks arse. To the point of embarrassment. She should just post #iwontputmyhandinmypocket.

Not Facebook but I have a girl on my Instagram who constantly posts pictures of herself half naked, with captions like ‘just trying to be more body confident guys’ and then when people compliment her I.e. ‘your figure is amazing’ will come back with lines like ‘oh I wish’. Yeh ok 👍

Just this afternoon a friend posted a photo of her with a glass of wine smiling at the camera and said
“This is why I don’t post photos of me smiling on Facebook”
Cue 25 comments of “but you’re so gorgeous hun!”
I was very tempted to put the emoji of the little man fishing, but that would probably say more about me than about her to be fair. 🙈
In my defence though, every second day there’s a photo of her in gym gear saying “I’m so fat but I don’t care!” Etc etc etc. Does my head in.

hate-follow 🤣love that

Oh instagram. My teen DDs feed is full of female schoolmates (really only the same handful) who post repeated filtered pouty pictures of themselves with captions
‘not sure about this one’
‘might delete soon’

or my personal favourite ‘feeling so ugly’.

For all their followers to see and comment.
Insecure attention seekers all of them, they’ve just found their home on IG instead of fb.

My neighbour puts photos of her house and garden on fb & Insta constantly. As if anyone gives a shit that they've got some tacky bunting and a chimnea. It's quite the source of amusement in our village.

I just think that is mean. Somebody is houseproud and clearly thinks that you are friends and you are taking the piss

There needs to be a counter revolution of failed kids and parents...

#mykidjustshatinchurch #istilltiemykidslaces #mycookerssocleancosIneverfuckinguseit

“Can’t decide whether to buy DS a private reg plate now as who knows when one will come up with his name again?🤔”. DS is 6“

What's the reg plate M1MUM5AT1T ?

I’ve acquired some school mum FB friends the last couple of years, and they’re guilty of the following:

• Using #blessed unironically

• Profile photo is a collage of them in numerous complicated yoga poses

• Filtering the shit out of their face... and their children’s faces

• The class clique always posting and tagging their meet ups (yep, all lined up with one leg bent like flamingos, as mentioned earlier ) gushing about how lucky they are to have made such good friends at school #schoolies #mummyfriends #class7 #loveourtribe

I know someone who keeps posting about how fat she is (she's about a size 8) with sad face emojis, then telling us about every 10k run she does ( about 3 a week). All this is done so people tell her how gorgeous she is and how much everyone would love to be her. I love responding with things like slimming world classes times and venues, calorie counting app suggestions etc. I'm surprised she hasn't blocked me.

There needs to be a counter revolution of failed kids and parents

I'm leading this revolution. DS has SN and I often make light of the shitty situations we end up in. I don't get many opportunities to stealth boast so I can't of do the opposite and humour myself.

*kind of not can't

I have a friend who's very into a certain style of home decor and she's always posting obviously posed pictures of her dd playing with a wooden rainbow or some other expensive toy. Best part is I know that her house is a shite heap and she has a hoarding issue so she clears and takes a picture in a very confined place. She is also hashtag crazy and always #livingherbestlives.

I actually don't mind the "proud parent" ones and I wouldn't call that stealth boasting if it's a straightforward "So proud of DC for x achievement!" type thing. It's the more sneaky boasting that hides its true agenda that annoys people.

I saw a stealth boast by a colleague recently that made me go and . She posted a Rightmove link to her neighbour's house which had just gone on the market - a beautiful country property, lots of gorgeous shots of the period features and huge rooms etc - along with a nonchalant comment like "LOL - anyone brave enough to move in next door to my madhouse!!??"

It was clear from the description that the few surrounding properties are really similar, all part of the same development, so hers must be just as lovely!

It just struck me as a bit pointless - surely anyone in the market for a new house would be checking all the agents' listings anyway? So she might as well have posted "LOL, look! my house is worth £875k or thereabouts!!!"

Love these threads.

Haven't read it all so may have already been mentioned but my pet hate is when someone announces their pregnancy with dating scan photo (so about 12 weeks pregnant). There is always someone who comments, saying how they are so glad that x has finally announced it as they have known for ages and it has been sooo hard to keep quiet about it. Or in less subtle words "I knew from when she first peed on the stick so ner". When people have told me about their pregnancies before announcing on facebook I've always found it easy to control myself and not tell everyone I meet