Hilarious FB stealth boasts

[lovelyjubilly]

'I feel so guilty! I have taken my children out doing fun activities every day of the summer holidays so far for the past 3 weeks and today we are having a day at home. I feel so bad that they're going to be bored! Anyone else feeling guilty about having a day at home?'

Any other gems?

Not sure if this is a Stealth boast or not but it's bloody irritating

Best friend and her fella have the worst relationship in the history of bad relationships. They're both as bad as each other really - she nags him senseless and can't ever seem to let anything go, he's aggressive, rude to her (the 'c' word is a regular feature in their house) and the biggest attention whore on Facebook. I get daily updates of misery from her about how much she hates him, and that they had such a bad row that morning the police were almost called or something - all the while he posts on FB a photo of the dinner hes lovingly made them all, including a full list of fancy ingredients followed by a million hashtags about how his family is #myworld #soblessed #onlythebestformyfam... blah blah blah. People close to them know what the situation is really like but I'm sure hundreds of other people on their feed think he's the nicest bloke ever and that they're life is pretty perfect... It's definitely not.

Another one I had on FB a while back was one girl I knew at school asking for recommendations for an insurance company that specialised in insuring jewellery worth over £5k ...

Lemon redwood: I’m with you on the eye roll emoji thing.
Can I just stealth boast how I wish I had silly friends bragging about their excellent lives but I really only have academic feeds on my Fb. 😉

I only have nice normal ones in my feed. Closest one is someone who keeps posting about holidays or days out all the time with her family.

I tend to be on Instagram more now as it reminds me of the good old days of Facebook, when it was just friends uploading pics of their lives, not endlessly sharing stuff.

But, along with the various bloggers and famous interesting people I follow as well, it is one enormous, endless stealth boast at the end of the day!

*Yep, local beauty business owner... "accountant has just informed me the business has made 4 times as much as it did last year" #womeninbusiness

Often posts pics of herself with Rolex, drinking champagne at golf resorts, on holiday in the Maldives with fiancé. Holding glass of fizz with her left hand, massive diamond on show.

I continue to follow her as it's a guilty pleasure *

See I think that’s kind of fair enough. It’s out and out boasting, nothing stealth about it - at least she’s upfront about it! And - thinking of some of the self employed beauticians I know - if she’s worked hard, done it all herself, come from nothing or whatever, I think fair play.

Not confined to FB but the most annoying stealth boast for me is the self-deprecating "I'm such a geek / nerd".

As if the meaning of geek / nerd didn't change years ago from friendless basement wanker in smelly t-shirt to slightly autistic genius in a Big Bang Theory kind of way.

An acquaintance of mine (note I didn't say friend) likes to post stuff about her pastoral/self-sufficient/'Good Life'-style rural existence, how life isn't about material possessions, it's all about the simple joy of jumping in puddles blah blah blah, 'it's the little things in life' etc, etc, which all sounds great in theory. The only trouble being that in practice this person is one of the biggest freeloaders I've ever met.

"How can I politely tell ppl to not stop me in the street or shops and constantly tell me how beautiful my children's hair is??im thinking of making them wear hats to stop the attention!"

Had a girl post a picture of a note left in her windshield ..supposedly from a secret admirer who spotted her from afar and was so enamored by her beauty he HAD to profess his love with a note "so tiresome when this happens!" Oh I'm sure, Danielle. What a cross to bear!!

And one of the worst was from this absolute narcissist on my feed who told us all a big long story about how two black women came up and thanked her for wearing a BLM pin, and about how she said "oh it's nothing! I'm just an average person, whose not a total asshole" and about how she tried to downplay their compliment because she "didn't want to be performative!"

I don't know anyone who stealth boasts (more's the pity - some of these are great!). But I do wonder why my (lovely, genuine, realistic about things when you talk to them in real life) friends become so much more gushy about everything online. They don't sound like themselves at all.

ifyouseeritamoreno yep! Or #bookworm #bookish #nerdalert or anything proclaiming their status as an intellectual. Geek is in style, of course a very specific kind of geek who is beautiful by societal standards and is slightly introverted with large cute hipster glasses

Fb ‘friend’ putting up photos of handbags with the caption ‘should I but the Louis Vuitton or the Chloe?’

Just yuk...

The only time I've used #makingmemories was when we found a dead squirrel in the woods and I put up a photo of ds2 poking it with a stick. To be fair, it was years ago and he does still remember it.

A relation of mine had a baby early hours of last Monday morning, Wednesday she posted a pic of baby's first trip to their allotment and Friday the baby was crabbing with his older brother and they had dinner out, her husband out a pic on of her at half nine at night walking out of a McDonald's saying her dinner wasn't enough ..... a few took the bait "ohhh how are you not still walking like you've s#%t yourself??" "Ooh are you out with the baby??" She had to force a comment herself about deserving a treat as she'd given birth 4 days ago 🙄

An ex colleague of mine constantly posts filtered selfies with her hand on her hip and leg bent, like she's at the Oscars or something. However the reason she's a former colleague is that she threw a sickie from her job in order to do some promo work at a a major golfing tournament, and plastered it all over FB and Instagram. Boss saw it.

Since then she brags about how well her events business is doing, then asking later in the day if any bar work is available, presumably as her rent is due.

Love the gritty realism WithTwoGiantBoys

SIL regularly posts either her dinner (some green juice) or her exercise for the day since she’s turned into a vegan gym bunny. Followed by #vegan #health #feelinggreat # foodismedicine and loads more hashtags. I’m a vegan myself (she used to laugh at my weird food) but don’t feel the need to post my dinner on FB. I think she secretly having a mid life crisis as she’s so into health yet s doesn’t mind getting Botox!

Various certificates for being the 'kindest pupil of the week ' or some other long shot. Manages to attend all school assemblies too and believes that the teacher is thrilled she's there....

I have someone, who every single post is signed off #luckiestgirlintheworld. It’s always accompanied by a totally posed photo and her kids all lined up wearing matching clothes, and then the names of the designer labels that they are wearing. Weird!!

With two giant boys
^
Now that's my kinda status. I feel like posting #livingthedreamagain with a pic of my arse bent over unstacking the dishwasher. But I don't. Cos they just wouldn't get it.

Surely worse than these ‘stealth boasts’ are stealth boasts that are lies. I have a fb friend that talks about how she’s made ‘nanas lemon cake recipe’ with a sob story to it and a beautiful pic of a cake but it’s just a stock photo. I don’t get it. Also her dh will ‘bet her’ every week that people won’t like this post. Etc etc. I’ve kept her on my fb as it’s so humorous lol

I have several who does this and it is I have to say hugely entertaining.

My favourite this week is my friend who posted

So proud of (son) who got his GCSE results early he got a A in Chinese he is fluent in written and spoken..

Now don't get me wrong the boy is clever and a nice boy. However he can max have started Chinese in year 7 .. None of his family speaks Chinese. He has not as far as I know been to China. I know he had Spanish in his first 2 years in Secondary school.... So the fluent claim made me think.... hmmmmmm no..

Another friend who I do like a great deal has a habit of posting up photos of what ever they are doing that day adding the caption " Making memories" Always makes me wonder how she knows " that" will be a memory. Mine are a scramble of stuff..

Loving these, can’t think of anything to mention other than the friend on my page who takes photos of herself in the mirror.,. With the phone covering her face. Like all of it. I honestly don’t understand what the point is? Look at my new phone? Look at my tits? Tummy? Bathroom? It baffles me lol

@Fairgame84

At #Centerparcs living my BEST life.
#familytime #makingmemories #feelingblessed #instamums #instakids #son #daughter #siblings #livinglifetothefull #love #kidsneedyourpresencenotoresents

I know a couple of parents who CONSTANTLY post heavily filtered photos of their kids with hashtags like this. Why???? The kids are cute enough as they are!

My husband has two on his Facebook one who has no family but a career which takes her around the world and posts about flying first class, including meals and every tiny detail, photos when she gets to destination but I feel more sorry for her doing it on her own than irritated. The other one has loads of money and constantly posts about designer shoes, handbags, holidays etc etc. I unpacked my own bag for a change and realised how much stuff I have. Hideous.

I have one friend who continually posts holiday photos. Tbf the family seem to holiday a lot. I don’t mind holiday snaps, especially a few choice snaps posted after the said holiday, but they upload photos to an album with said holiday title every hour that they are away! My news feed literally turns into pictures of them while they are away and I could tell you where they have been, what they have eaten etc every single day they are away!