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Staying at in-laws with dc and there is no food

960 replies

daytimemom · 11/08/2018 16:30

Arrived at in-laws with DH (their son) and our two dc’s. For context, they are very well off. Live in huge house in the country, spend six months a year on cruises, have new car etc.

This is the first time we have visited them in their new house. Normally they stay at our house where we cook meals for them, provide wine and snacks and generally be very hospitable. They certainly enjoy all our food and drink.

This is what they served DH and I for dinner; two small roast potato’s, one small parsnip, teaspoon of peas and carrots, three slices of chicken. Our dc who are 11 and 12 had the same but with one roast potato rather than two. Dessert was one scoop of ice cream. DH asked if he could have another scoop but was told no as the carton (think Ben & Jerry’s small sized carton) had to last them a week.

By evening the dc were ravenous. I asked mil if dc could have a slice of toast or cereal. Was told they only had muesli and one small loaf of brown seeded bread. DC do not like either. I asked if there was any fruit was told no. DH asked if there was a bag of crisps, again no.

I’m not proud of this but DH and I went through the fridge and cupboards trying to find something to eat but the cupboards were literally bare.

DH went out this morning to buy some bread, cheese etc (which fil helped himself too) and I suggested to mil we go out to dinner but she insisted she is cooking. Dreading another tiny meal & the dc’s being hungry.

DH said they are just being tight by not spending money on food and drink. I quite frankly want to go home. Simple things like they knew we were coming but the bathroom had no towels or soap, no mirror or lamp in guest bedroom. Could they not have bought some cornflakes & snacks knowing most kids don’t eat muesli!

They have always been mean with money, poor DH as a uni student was penniless living off toast and pawning his stuff while his parents refused and financial assistance.

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 11/08/2018 18:44

You shared rolls??..

daytimemom · 11/08/2018 18:45

Yes, DH had the top bit of the roll and I had the bottom bit!

OP posts:
HarshingMyMellow · 11/08/2018 18:45

Order a big, fat takeaway.

Make a song and dance about it, order enough so that you have leftovers but do not share it!

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junebirthdaygirl · 11/08/2018 18:45

Are they going senile? Or could you pretend you think they are? Asking are you and Dad ok..worried as ye forgot to buy food. Would ye think of visiting your GP if ye find that ye are forgetting things.

ragged · 11/08/2018 18:45

No fair without piccies, OP. Come on, you could start a blog on this.

MrsJayy · 11/08/2018 18:46

Poor hungry FIL 😂

SheldonSaysSo · 11/08/2018 18:47

I think the biggest issue here is the impact this will have on the kids. At 11 and 12 they are so impressionable around food and diets, so leaving them to go hungry is not ideal.

It will clearly make for a miserable stay and its a shame spending time with them will be ruined. I would definitely go out shopping for supplies and explain why, making sure non perishables were kept in your room. If they didn't like this I would leave stating that it sends the wrong message to the kids and is unfair to leave them hungry when growing.

Madbengalmum · 11/08/2018 18:48

Still don't understand why you don't feed yourselves from somewhere else or leave if its truly that bad?

timeisnotaline · 11/08/2018 18:48

Cheese on toast needs to be made in careful quantities exact for your family. Eg if making 2 slices each- take 8 slices of bread from the pack, and close and put pack away. Rapidly slice enough cheese for them all and close and put cheese away... only then attract attention by calling dc and once cooked transfer immediately to a specific persons plate.
If fil asks for some say something like oh is she starving you too?! Loudly.
(This is all based on knowing they are not skint and would happily eat more. If it weren’t for the hcb incident I’d wonder if fil weren’t a victim himself but he’s definitely part of the problem!)

thegreylady · 11/08/2018 18:49

I am in my 70s and dh is 82. When the dgc are visiting I stock up with some snacks but mainly I bake! I make a cut and come again cake, a Victoria sponge, a batch of scones and usually a big cheese and onion pie. They can all help themselves. Any left over crisps and sweets we send home with them but there is rarely left over cake or pie. I couldn’t let anyone be hungry in my home!

LoafEater · 11/08/2018 18:49

My MIL was a funny old bird at times, but I swear she used to be able to hear our car when we were still 5 miles away as she always had a massive Scottish fry-up ready when we walked in the door! My boys would be constantly eating from the minute they came in until they left, and she had a specific cupboard full of "grandkids treats".

She wasnt so hot on showing physical affection, but this was how she showed her love.

I would be in the car and gone home long ago if I was in your situation. Mean old sods.

BossWitch · 11/08/2018 18:49

You're still being too polite / British about this OP.

A frank conversation is needed.

"Look, I dont wish to be rude, but your portion sizes are far too small for us and we have been left hungry after every meal. I'm not sure why, as you always eat well when visiting us, but we need to let you know that we haven't had enough to eat. Shall we agree to cook separately for the rest of our stay? That way you can continue to have the smaller portion sizes you're comfortable with, and we can cook just for us so that we're not left hungry."

It will most likely cause some embarrassment now, but they'll get over it.

BoomBoomsCousin · 11/08/2018 18:51

Is MiL perhaps trying to institute a new lifestyle diet (perhaps after medical advice) and FiL is not really on board? Perhaps he's been told he needs to cut down but doesn't want to and MiL knows he'll just gobble up anything she brings into the house so doesn't stock the pantry? I'm just trying to think of some kind of excuse here.

Sounds like FiL would definitely like more food, have you tried asking him to go shopping when MiL isn't around?

daytimemom · 11/08/2018 18:51

We are right in the sticks and the nearest big supermarket (I asked mil just now) is about 45 mins drive away. DH found a Londis where he bought the bread so we may have to go there tmwr & raid the shelves. We are meant to be staying until Tues.

I’m slightly worried about the load of bread DH bought & May have to hide it in the wardrobe or something so I know there’s no chance of inlaws eating it. Otherwise nothing for dc to eat for breakfast tmwr.

OP posts:
Madbengalmum · 11/08/2018 18:53

Why is your DH pussy footing around them? Is he scared of them? Just go home early and dont ask them back in a hurry.

LeftRightCentre · 11/08/2018 18:54

Can't believe anyone would allow their children to be treated like this for days and days and not just leave.

annandale · 11/08/2018 18:54

Hope you make a massive mess of the kitchen tbh.

I agree there is some unspoken issue going on. My pILs have never been anything like this, but when ds was a teenager they didn't give him enough money to have an actual school meal, he could afford maybe a roll. Bear in mind dh was 6'2" and sporty. He was hungry most of the day at school. I think there was some power struggle going on between the parents with money/food as the battleground. Set new parameters - your dh will find it almost impossible I should think.

FrayedHem · 11/08/2018 18:55

Was the macaroni cheese homemade? I'm just wondering if the cheese you bought has been used....

CloudCaptain · 11/08/2018 18:55

Seriously say what @Bosswitch said. None of this Pa messing about. Straight and to the point.

ragged · 11/08/2018 18:56

big Raid on Londis tomorrow. You'll be helping the local economy.

I wonder if MIL has issues. I'd be tempted to fill her cupboards with total crap and leave it behind "We just want to make sure you're well fed after we go!" & wink to FIL.

Iloveacurry · 11/08/2018 18:56

Hide the bread! Sounds like you need more wine too!

Gemini69 · 11/08/2018 18:57

I’d worry more about my kids being well fed than pussyfooting around these tightarses.... who likely live for free by whichever means possible allowing them to afford the country pile... let me guess... the place is freezing too.... Hmm

Fluffycloudland77 · 11/08/2018 18:57

I always thought I served enough to dn and his dp.

A curry with 250g chicken breast, 100g uncooked rice per person made into egg fried rice and pudding like a whole cheesecake between 3.

The day dn said they had to go McDonalds on the way home was the day I started suggesting they come after dinner. I hate cooking and had was mortified they'd still been hungry, dh and I were stuffed.

My wealthy nan had us over for lunch once and served paltry portions. My nice grandma always fed me well.

Rosarollo · 11/08/2018 18:57

Yes id hide some of the food!!!make it obvious you are all hungry.

I can't believe they are hardly feeding you. They have no concept of what to do if there are more than to in the house.

CoolCarrie · 11/08/2018 18:57

Tight bastards! I bet they always have their hands out in your house though, my mil is just the same, tight as a drum in her place,but always tucking in to the chocolates,crisps and her plate is always held out first,before the children when It comes to meals, plain bad manners imo.