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Original poster

Staying at in-laws with dc and there is no food

960 replies

daytimemom · 11/08/2018 16:30

Arrived at in-laws with DH (their son) and our two dc’s. For context, they are very well off. Live in huge house in the country, spend six months a year on cruises, have new car etc.

This is the first time we have visited them in their new house. Normally they stay at our house where we cook meals for them, provide wine and snacks and generally be very hospitable. They certainly enjoy all our food and drink.

This is what they served DH and I for dinner; two small roast potato’s, one small parsnip, teaspoon of peas and carrots, three slices of chicken. Our dc who are 11 and 12 had the same but with one roast potato rather than two. Dessert was one scoop of ice cream. DH asked if he could have another scoop but was told no as the carton (think Ben & Jerry’s small sized carton) had to last them a week.

By evening the dc were ravenous. I asked mil if dc could have a slice of toast or cereal. Was told they only had muesli and one small loaf of brown seeded bread. DC do not like either. I asked if there was any fruit was told no. DH asked if there was a bag of crisps, again no.

I’m not proud of this but DH and I went through the fridge and cupboards trying to find something to eat but the cupboards were literally bare.

DH went out this morning to buy some bread, cheese etc (which fil helped himself too) and I suggested to mil we go out to dinner but she insisted she is cooking. Dreading another tiny meal & the dc’s being hungry.

DH said they are just being tight by not spending money on food and drink. I quite frankly want to go home. Simple things like they knew we were coming but the bathroom had no towels or soap, no mirror or lamp in guest bedroom. Could they not have bought some cornflakes & snacks knowing most kids don’t eat muesli!

They have always been mean with money, poor DH as a uni student was penniless living off toast and pawning his stuff while his parents refused and financial assistance.

OP posts:
Amortentia · 12/08/2018 19:18

I expect the OP would be less irked by the shampoo and towels if she wasn't also hungry. In her place I'd probably be thinking about them never darkening my door etc too. I'd also probably change my mind once I'd had a good feed

Agreed, I’ve got two ravenous teenagers and without three good meals a day I’m pretty sure it would end in murder. Plus, my dh who is very slim and very active gets a bit hangry without enough too, the stress of listening to complaints about hunger would drive me over th edge.

BabySharkDooDooDooDoo · 12/08/2018 19:23

Id go home tbh!

ohfourfoxache · 12/08/2018 19:37

Please tell me you got your subway?

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Families
Crushedgrapesworkforme · 12/08/2018 19:45

No way I’d suffer that controlling stingyiness.. esp when they seem to indulge in food when it’s “free” or part of a package holiday deal. In all seriousness YOUR the adults, (not 16) cater to your own families needs without guilt of consequences, grow up and take a stand. Buy food, go out for meals, unless your trying to hold out to prove a point of their behaviour. Stubbornness never got anyone closer to happiness.
Face it, you want to waited on your in the wrong home, irrespective of what you do in your home with guests. Next time they visit eat well before they arrive and clear the cupboards / fridge.. they may get the message they are freeloaders.

Ignoramusgiganticus · 12/08/2018 19:55

What excuse did you use to explain going home early?

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 12/08/2018 19:57

I have wasted far too much of my time reading this pile of shite

Wise words.

keyboardkate · 12/08/2018 19:58

Seems to me they don't want you there, otherwise they would be generous and welcoming. Money or lack of it doesn't seem to be the issue.

I fail to understand how hosts CANNOT be embarrassed by this kind of parsimony at all.

Anyway I would have gone yesterday citing a weakness of nutrition!

SentfromHeaven · 12/08/2018 20:00

It's a bit of a running joke in my family that My DH usually says to my DP after a meal at their house 'Kebab on the way home?!' Or 'That was a nice starter!'. Luckily they know him so well but there's a lot of truth in it to be honest! My DM has always served tiny meals and I used to feel so hungry as a child ( they did struggle for money!). They're not really strapped for cash now because there's just the two of them but I think they're still in the same mindset of tiny portions!!

OliviaStabler · 12/08/2018 20:05

@daytimemom

Do you think that the lack of food could be because they were hoping you'd go out and buy enough to feed them as if they were staying at your place?

Pumpkinbell · 12/08/2018 20:06

While I do agree OP with your thoughts 2 wrongs dont make a right! If it were me ( and thankfully its not both mine and dh parents feed us till we burst or at least they would if we let them) I would serve same amount of food as you normally do when ILs come to stay and when kids ask for more say od course DC you can have more if you are hungry you are growing children after all! See what reaction you get gom ILs if they dont bat an eye lid then its time to open the thing on your face called your mouth, they may not like or appreciate it but it may need to be done!!! Good luck to you BearFlowers might need some Wine after though!!! X

sprinklesandsauce · 12/08/2018 20:06

gottonsomedraws Op says in her OP that PIL have just moved to their new house so it is the first time they have stayed with them and that usually PIL stay with OP, who provides ample food, wine, snacks and meals....

Pumpkinbell · 12/08/2018 20:07

Sorry should say from not gil!!!

Inertia · 12/08/2018 20:30

Hope you are now home and fed.

This isn’t a case of threatening to go NC over something trivial; the PIL have made it abundantly clear that their son, his wife and the children are not welcome . Why would you want to host someone who really isn’t bothered about you?

Perhaps the way forward if you want to maintain contact is to arrange to meet halfway for a meal out, and then everyone can eat the amount they want- you won’t be overwhelming them with too much food and nobody needs to go hungry.

RedDogsBeg · 12/08/2018 20:30

SentfromHeaven Your husband is very rude and unkind, particularly as you have said that money was tight when you were a child. I bet your parents grit their teeth every time he says it, it's hardly funny which a joke should be and must be wearing very thin now.

How delightful of your husband to shame and embarrass your parents and how lovely of you to go along with it and encourage him.

Turnitaroundagain · 12/08/2018 20:36

Older middle class people with a point to prove about how not to overeat do this

Ta1kinpeace · 12/08/2018 20:39

FWIW I know that my kids Christmas / birthday combined is worth less than one Glyndebourne ticket

I hope you enjoyed the Subway

Please invite them to stay, but make NO leeway for them
delivery curry / chinese / kebab / subway at every meal
finger food, no cutlery

its worth it

NotBeforeCoffee · 12/08/2018 21:18

Sounds just like my dads side of the family. When we rarely visit it’s always a nice
Hotel now, won’t subjecy ourselves to the mean-ness

starlight13 · 12/08/2018 21:23

You must wait until they come to yours again and repeat exactly what they have done to you - exactly the same amount in the same small quantities, bare thoughtless bedrooms for their stay.
Study them carefully to see how they like it but be strong and keep to it.
You guys can have somewhere that you can go for your food but please make them suffer the same ordeal - sadly most people are blind to the way that they treat others until they are served some of their own medicine.
Sure, it's a bit passive aggressive but if they comment, you can say that you 'had such a great time/ enjoyed the food when you visited them that you wanted to show them the same warm hospitality'.

Caribbeanyesplease · 12/08/2018 21:25

You must wait until they come to yours again and repeat exactly what they have done to you - exactly the same amount in the same small quantities, bare thoughtless bedrooms for their stay.

Fuck me that is petty.

Givemestrengthwtaf · 12/08/2018 21:26

I think OP is still there.

Mikklehaha · 12/08/2018 21:26

I’m sorry OP but your dh needs to grow a pair and tell them that his family need to eat more than is available to them. It’s fine to buy some extras for yourself but hiding and eating the extra just compounds the problem.
They are probably well off because they have been so frugal and are trying to model this ‘better’ behaviour to you as they clearly think you are gluttons. DH needs to put them straight about this. It doesn’t have to be a confrontation, it’s just adulting.

Caribbeanyesplease · 12/08/2018 21:26

starlight13

Your post pretty much encapsulates the opposite of how I approach life!

LemonysSnicket · 12/08/2018 21:32

I think it's a generation thing, DPs parents always serve very conservative portions. I don't starve but I'm certainly not satisfied, I think they think I am greedy. I would buy more and share - annoying but is it worth a fall out?

storynanny · 12/08/2018 21:42

Im in my early 60's, it isnot a generation thing for my age. When my family visit I buy everything i know they like and more.
However, when my children were small and I visited my patents who were not poor and did experience rationing it was a different story.
One small plate of sandwiches and a dish of crisps plus one small shop bought plain sponge cake would appear for tea. To feed ne, oh plus 3 boys and my sister her husband and 2 boys. It became a standing joke and we just used to go in thekitchen and butter more bread.
When they passedaway it was cl ar that they were not short of food money but probably worried about running out due to the rationing theyhad experienced.
When I cleared their houselast year I kept the special tea plate that was used to serve the sandwiches on as a momento of the hungry teatimes and get it out when my children come round. All remembered with fond smiling though.

ToftyAC · 12/08/2018 21:46

Very rude indeed. However, I’d bugger off to the supermarket and do a shop. Things that don’t need freezing or refrigerating I’d hide in my room so they couldn’t get their tight arse mits on.