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Original poster

Staying at in-laws with dc and there is no food

960 replies

daytimemom · 11/08/2018 16:30

Arrived at in-laws with DH (their son) and our two dc’s. For context, they are very well off. Live in huge house in the country, spend six months a year on cruises, have new car etc.

This is the first time we have visited them in their new house. Normally they stay at our house where we cook meals for them, provide wine and snacks and generally be very hospitable. They certainly enjoy all our food and drink.

This is what they served DH and I for dinner; two small roast potato’s, one small parsnip, teaspoon of peas and carrots, three slices of chicken. Our dc who are 11 and 12 had the same but with one roast potato rather than two. Dessert was one scoop of ice cream. DH asked if he could have another scoop but was told no as the carton (think Ben & Jerry’s small sized carton) had to last them a week.

By evening the dc were ravenous. I asked mil if dc could have a slice of toast or cereal. Was told they only had muesli and one small loaf of brown seeded bread. DC do not like either. I asked if there was any fruit was told no. DH asked if there was a bag of crisps, again no.

I’m not proud of this but DH and I went through the fridge and cupboards trying to find something to eat but the cupboards were literally bare.

DH went out this morning to buy some bread, cheese etc (which fil helped himself too) and I suggested to mil we go out to dinner but she insisted she is cooking. Dreading another tiny meal & the dc’s being hungry.

DH said they are just being tight by not spending money on food and drink. I quite frankly want to go home. Simple things like they knew we were coming but the bathroom had no towels or soap, no mirror or lamp in guest bedroom. Could they not have bought some cornflakes & snacks knowing most kids don’t eat muesli!

They have always been mean with money, poor DH as a uni student was penniless living off toast and pawning his stuff while his parents refused and financial assistance.

OP posts:
Caribbeanyesplease · 12/08/2018 18:15

And now the comments about no shampoo being provided. I suspect you are actually a lot of hard work, and trying to create drama.

Agree

onalongsabbatical · 12/08/2018 18:15

NotUmbongoUnchained you wouldn't go and buy stuff for your own grandkids that they like? When mine come over I do a big shop and buy all kinds of things specially for them.

nannykatherine · 12/08/2018 18:17

obviously this is how they afford cruises and you know never to go there again

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Families
searose · 12/08/2018 18:18

Did they have an unspoken expectation that you would contribute to the food while you are there. That would be the only way I could make sense of this.

busyhonestchildcarer · 12/08/2018 18:18

Ha,ha.I would get takeaways if you can afford to do so.Always tricky when people visit.We eat a certain diet so eat no bread,rice pasta cereals but we dont inflict this on our guests as we want them to enjoy their stay.Its when we have guests that we go off our diet a bit to ensure they feel welcome

Louise2092 · 12/08/2018 18:19

This stresses me out. I get anxious if I feel I don't have enough food in, even just for me and dp. We get my stepson at weekends and whenever I'm out shopping I'll pick up little bits I know he'd like. We took him and my young cousin to a trampoline place the other week and knew they'd be hungry after so stopped off at farmfoods and let then pick what they wanted for lunch. Stepson opted for hotdogs(x2) and cousin had 3 chicken fingers, a large spoonful of green beans and carrots and about 5 smiley faces. They then had milkshakes after that they made themselves. I hate the thought of children being underfed or only offered food they dislike. As a kid, when it came to some of my relatives it was either eat what's put in front of you or don't eat. I was very a very fussy eater and stuck to what i liked and that attitude puts me right off. I'm more open minded with food now but I still wouldn't not cater for someone or make the only option something they won't like.

100% take your kids and leave and make sure their grandparents know exactly why

nocoolnamesleft · 12/08/2018 18:22

They probably do normally eat like that at home. If they're going on that many cruises a year, they'd have to go for some degree of calorie restriction the rest of the year, or else there's no way you could still describe them as slim. And based on eating loads when at yours, it sounds like they can probably only do it by not having temptation at hand, thus cupboards being bare. Doesn't make it a good way to host(!), but strongly suspect it is not deliberate. And if you won't raise it with them directly and plainly, then they won't realise.

Lunde · 12/08/2018 18:29

They probably do normally eat like that at home. If they're going on that many cruises a year, they'd have to go for some degree of calorie restriction the rest of the year, or else there's no way you could still describe them as slim.

OP says that they are not slim - so definitely eating something not offered to OP. Probably have a secret stash like FIL's hot cross buns!

AllPizzasGreatAndSmall · 12/08/2018 18:29

Very strange! I agree with that they should have bought a lot more food, but not that they should’ve bought different food. I wouldn’t buy stuff for someone else just because they didn’t like what we have, that’s up to them to bring.

Even if your guests include children? You don't consider whether they may have less sophisticated tastes than you and provide food they will enjoy?

Xxalisoncxx · 12/08/2018 18:33

I remember when I first went to stay with my daughters dads Mum, he wasn’t allowed in the massive kitchen as his Mum was ‘using it’ she’d cook his food out of the freezer, for her and her husband, while I sat there starving. He was only getting money on agency which wasn’t a lot, I was having to spend the week buying things like crisps and micro burgers. I could only use the microwave when she wasn’t there. If I dared to use one of her mugs or glasses- the moaning was ridiculous. What she expected me to eat for a week I don’t know xx

Mummyoflittledragon · 12/08/2018 18:36

NotUmbongo
That’s very inhospitable. You wouldn’t change the food you eat for your guests. Personally I’d not give gluten to a celiac, meat to a veggie or expect children to eat the same as me.

glamorousgrandmother · 12/08/2018 18:37

My grandchildren often stay with me and I always make sure I have things that they like. I don't get the thing about older people not eating much or being used to smaller meals 'in their day'. That sounds more like my parents generation, I'm in my 60s and still enjoy my food. I have teenage grandchildren and I didn't grow up with rationing.

DontDribbleOnTheCarpet · 12/08/2018 18:39

I expect the OP would be less irked by the shampoo and towels if she wasn't also hungry. In her place I'd probably be thinking about them never darkening my door etc too. I'd also probably change my mind once I'd had a good feed.
We also don't know how much money the OP and her husband have. Maybe their family budget only stretched to getting there and not much else? It's easy to tell someone to just go and get a big shop, but less easy if you struggle to pay for one.

Carriecakes80 · 12/08/2018 18:40

This is why well off people usually stay well off lol.

Tbh the bit that would pee me off the most is FIL enjoying your newly bought cheese lol.

I would send him packing off to his brown seedy bread and weeny ice-cream!

Degustibusnonestdisputandem1 · 12/08/2018 18:52

Arf at the farmer comment some way up! Both sides of my family (both farming families) always overcater, sharing food is a lovely, joyful thing, I'd be mortified if someone left our home hungry (usually I'm plying them with leftovers!). Your in laws sound like controlling arses.

Needsmorebeans · 12/08/2018 18:57

I would be upset and angry on behalf of my children more than anything. To travel a distance, expecting PiL to be happy to see their only grandchildren and they dont appear to welcome them at all, to the extent of not even providing a towel for a shower would really bother me. I would go lc or nc as I would assume PiL didnt care. I wish OP would come back and explain how the trip came about and what was said when they left. There seems more to this.

Tistheseason17 · 12/08/2018 18:58

Whenever we have guests, I purchase the most ridiculous amount of food! Crisps, dips, olives, cheese, cured meets, pickles, garlic bread, pizza, cheesecake, ice cream, biscuits, cakes... and we usually order takeaway, too!! ha ha!!

I like guests to feel like guests in our home! We don't host often so we we do we go all out!

OP - if there is a next time, take food that does not need to be refrigerated with you, and plenty of it :)

pollymere · 12/08/2018 19:03

My IL live off bad cake. We get one meal when we stay. We usually take food in a suitcase or go for walks via food places. Maybe have shorter visits next time.

Bashun · 12/08/2018 19:04

Why don't you open your mouth and ask why can't we go to dinner because the amount you are serving is not enough!? Remind them you hosted them and ask if they are going to reciprocate. Be direct. What's the loss going to be, they stop free loading off you? Just be direct.

NotUmbongoUnchained · 12/08/2018 19:05

If you want to think that as inhospitable then that’s up to you. We have a few dietary requirements within my family and I would never expect anyone else to cater for that!
And no, i don’t buy separate food for my own children let alone anyone else’s. If you raise your kids to not eat normal food then that’s your problem.

Housequeen101 · 12/08/2018 19:08

My pil are like this too, so we don’t stay there.

My Dad has an eating disorder so if we stay with him then we take our own food.

My mum is the other scale, she’ll cook everyone’s favourite meal, make my kids whatever they’ve asked for even if it means separate dinners being cooked. They have a snack draw at her house that they can help themselves too (within reason)

If it were my parents being having like that then I’d say something, but we have that sort of relationship.

Don’t stay there again, lesson learned

TorviBrightspear · 12/08/2018 19:09

DagenhamRoundhouse thanks for putting up the details to highlight posts, I fell asleep (not being well) and missed it.

Frankwindsor · 12/08/2018 19:11

My ex sil was like this about food. When we went to visit her, she would sit eating cake in the kitchen and not offer us any. She would make herself a coffee and ignore us. It was awful. We ate all meals out. Anyone who doesn't cater generously for guests is weird/tight/odd/mean, etc.
Don't go to visit them again, OP.

Itchytights · 12/08/2018 19:14

I’d be on my way home. Fuck that.

Wow- they are really tight. I hate tight arses with a passion.

Gottensomedraws · 12/08/2018 19:16

I too hope OP comes back. I am slightly confused —but might have missed— why this is just an issue now? DC are 11 and 12, in all that time has the OP and her family never stayed with PIL? I realised that she said the ILs usually come to stay with OP and family, but have they never, ever in 12 plus years stayed with them?