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Staying at in-laws with dc and there is no food

960 replies

daytimemom · 11/08/2018 16:30

Arrived at in-laws with DH (their son) and our two dc’s. For context, they are very well off. Live in huge house in the country, spend six months a year on cruises, have new car etc.

This is the first time we have visited them in their new house. Normally they stay at our house where we cook meals for them, provide wine and snacks and generally be very hospitable. They certainly enjoy all our food and drink.

This is what they served DH and I for dinner; two small roast potato’s, one small parsnip, teaspoon of peas and carrots, three slices of chicken. Our dc who are 11 and 12 had the same but with one roast potato rather than two. Dessert was one scoop of ice cream. DH asked if he could have another scoop but was told no as the carton (think Ben & Jerry’s small sized carton) had to last them a week.

By evening the dc were ravenous. I asked mil if dc could have a slice of toast or cereal. Was told they only had muesli and one small loaf of brown seeded bread. DC do not like either. I asked if there was any fruit was told no. DH asked if there was a bag of crisps, again no.

I’m not proud of this but DH and I went through the fridge and cupboards trying to find something to eat but the cupboards were literally bare.

DH went out this morning to buy some bread, cheese etc (which fil helped himself too) and I suggested to mil we go out to dinner but she insisted she is cooking. Dreading another tiny meal & the dc’s being hungry.

DH said they are just being tight by not spending money on food and drink. I quite frankly want to go home. Simple things like they knew we were coming but the bathroom had no towels or soap, no mirror or lamp in guest bedroom. Could they not have bought some cornflakes & snacks knowing most kids don’t eat muesli!

They have always been mean with money, poor DH as a uni student was penniless living off toast and pawning his stuff while his parents refused and financial assistance.

OP posts:
Kintan · 12/08/2018 16:53

MidniteScribbler it’s her husband’s parents! They didn’t go to visit them
to have a free holiday. It’s one thing not wanting to subsidise your friends, but another thing begrudging your son and his family a decent meal and a couple of clean towels!

MrsElijahMikaelson · 12/08/2018 16:56

There really needs to be a way to read the OPs updates without scrolling though 23 pages of posters who haven't read the OP properly or way over think things!

So OP....you've left, you've had your subway. What did they say when you told them you were leaving?

TorviBrightspear · 12/08/2018 17:06

There really needs to be a way to read the OPs updates without scrolling though 23 pages of posters who haven't read the OP properly or way over think things!

You just need to adjust your setting to highlight the OP's posts, they'll show up in a different colour and you can whizz through.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

PuppyMonkey · 12/08/2018 17:19

Late to all this but... Subway on a Sunday? That’s the saddest thing I ever read. SadGrin

Skyejuly · 12/08/2018 17:29

^ we always go on a Sunday 🤣

impossible · 12/08/2018 17:42

Stock up on food, snacks and fruit and breakfast cereals if not full meals. My inlaws were exactly the same so the only way round it was to bring out own food.

user1486915549 · 12/08/2018 17:44

@Torvi . How do I do that ?

impossible · 12/08/2018 17:45

TorviBrightspear where do I adjust my settings? I could really do with highlighted OP

DagenhamRoundhouse · 12/08/2018 17:46

What a weird couple. Now you know how they afford cruises and new cars! Leave and go home.

DagenhamRoundhouse · 12/08/2018 17:49

Torvi
Click on
www.mumsnet.com/Talk?call=Preferences
and change "Highlight threads by post author"

Fossie · 12/08/2018 17:50

Sorry off track - how can I highlight OP comments?

campingchairheaven · 12/08/2018 17:50

Wow they really don't like any of you. What miserable controlling people.

This thread reminded me of a time a few decades ago. I was going out with a lad (we were young) for a couple of years. There was never enough food at his parents. The rules were strictly enforced, the fridge had a lock on it !! Meals were portioned and seriously tiny. I wasn't even a big eater but these were ridiculous, one chicken breast between 4! They had money, they spent loads on cabinets of ornaments, and their beloved dogs. He was given no financial support at uni, and would always be scrounging Food and drink.

I always thought of his house, his family as cold fish. What a miserable way to be.

Mummyoflittledragon · 12/08/2018 17:51

MidniteScribbler
And of course you're not projecting at all. Hmm. What a twatty thing to say. We went there specifically to visit them not to use them as a base. As I said I’m disabled and spend much of my time resting. Perhaps you should read a post before passing judgment.

I am not able to go on 10 mike hikes or go out all day site seeing. They have also visited us in the past. Slept in our beds and eaten our food. It would not have occurred to me to think of using their home as a holiday base. So yes, it was a very cheap weekend for them - £10 plus some washing powder for the sheets - because we fed them and provided them with some alcohol. And much to my shock they also failed to pay for their child’s meal thus stealing from the pub despite being very well off.

Imnotasgreen
No cutting my nose off to spite my face. As I said I had enough food for dd and me. Dh had to fend for himself and did so by eating the only food provided from the few bits picked up for £10.

Fossie · 12/08/2018 17:53

Sorry, missing the point again. I’m so HAPPY I can highlight OP comments. Small things...

sprinklesandsauce · 12/08/2018 17:53

OP. I am glad that you are on your way home now. What a shame that the PIL couldn't just buy in a few things for their GDC.

I agree with PP who said that it is not a generational thing, my mum is in her early 70's and she tries to force feed anyone who walks in the door!

She keeps food in for my DC, cereal, snack bars, treat jar. She always has jam, cheese spread, crisps, things that they eat themselves anyway.

OP, your PIL seem to have a very strange attitude to food. They could have said, we don't eat XY and Z so if you want it, bring it with you, but they didn't. I don't drink tea, but I keep it in my house for people who do. It's about hosting, about inviting guests over. They shouldn't have invited you if they didn't want to buy any extra food.

impossible · 12/08/2018 17:54

Found highlighting OP - thanks for prod Dagenham, Torvi. Maybe I'll be a little more on the case now I can scroll through more quickly....

Btw you have to refresh after setting up or highlighting doesn't appear.

Click on www.mumsnet.com/Talk?call=Preferences

OhLookHeKickedTheBall · 12/08/2018 17:54

Have been following from the start, and am glad you've gotten out OP. Though I can't help but wonder if your recent silence has been caused by a food coma brought on by at least two footlong Subways each, just to make up for the last few days Grin

sprinklesandsauce · 12/08/2018 17:56

user1andonly where I live is 45 minutes from the nearest main supermarkets. There is a spar type shop in a local garage around 20 minutes away, or the corner shop down the road, which has very limited choice.

I get all of my groceries delivered once a week.

Tinkobell · 12/08/2018 17:58

We've had this problem little bit but not on the scale that you've just described. I think unit our case what has happened is as people become older often their own appetites dwindle and they fail to recognise all remember that youngsters actually eat hell of a lot more than they do. I've got teenagers which scoff tons of food, quite normal however will depart from a lot of elderly people. The stuff about lamps towels et cetera to be honest does sound down right in hospital. Are you sure they really wanted you to come and stay?
I think to keep the peace I will just pop out to the shops and do a good old stint at Sainsbury's or somewhere or else planned for fish and chips another night. Really difficult, very embarrassing. Before you leave you might wanna check that they are actually eating enough and there is that some sort of mental health or welfare issue going on here.

Earthakitty · 12/08/2018 18:02

Just make an excuse and cut your visit short.
I cannot abide stinginess.... it's one of the worst human traits I can think of .
You do not have to put up with this.
You are not at fault. They are.
They're not poor or incapable or ill.
I doubt very much they are so stingy with themselves when they are guest free. What's the point of staying somewhere and being starving all day ?
Just go....and if you're brave enough tell them exactly why.

DaisyStarburst · 12/08/2018 18:04

I'm not very good at judging how much to buy for extra people but when they're coming to stay I give my DIL my log in for my online Tesco and she puts on anything they want, always asks but really can add anything, food for meals, snacks for gc etc. I always provide towels and they can use anything in the bathroom, shampoo, shower gel, toothpaste etc.

Caribbeanyesplease · 12/08/2018 18:05

I’ve not read the full thread.

two small roast potato’s, one small parsnip, teaspoon of peas and carrots, three slices of chicken.

Seems more than enough for me. But I’d be cross that my children were not being sufficiently catered for. I’m an adult and totally happy to accept people have different ways and I will adapt accordingly whilst in their home. Even if that means going hungry.

But my children? No way.

I have an aunt like this. I just bring loads of food and say it’s for us all but make damn sure my children get a decent amount.

As an aside, the men in this story come across as so weak and pathetic

byairmail · 12/08/2018 18:05

I always take our own food to PIl. We don’t stay, we just go for the afternoon. We have lunch first or on way and I take snacks and food for the kids’ tea. When MIL was alive she was disabled and found cooking hard. FIL doesn’t eat much or like food and his cupboards are more or less bare and what is there is often out of date. This isn’t a being unable to look after himself issue just a weirdness with food issue. When it is the kids I find it easy to advocate them - I just say the kids are hungry so I am going to buy and cook something for them. Then I just also have some of what they are having. Would do my head in staying though.

NotUmbongoUnchained · 12/08/2018 18:07

Very strange! I agree with that they should have bought a lot more food, but not that they should’ve bought different food. I wouldn’t buy stuff for someone else just because they didn’t like what we have, that’s up to them to bring.

tinstar · 12/08/2018 18:13

I wouldn’t buy stuff for someone else just because they didn’t like what we have, that’s up to them to bring.

How inhospitable! I always try and buy things that I know visitors enjoy. I want them to feel welcome and enjoy their stay!

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