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Staying at in-laws with dc and there is no food

960 replies

daytimemom · 11/08/2018 16:30

Arrived at in-laws with DH (their son) and our two dc’s. For context, they are very well off. Live in huge house in the country, spend six months a year on cruises, have new car etc.

This is the first time we have visited them in their new house. Normally they stay at our house where we cook meals for them, provide wine and snacks and generally be very hospitable. They certainly enjoy all our food and drink.

This is what they served DH and I for dinner; two small roast potato’s, one small parsnip, teaspoon of peas and carrots, three slices of chicken. Our dc who are 11 and 12 had the same but with one roast potato rather than two. Dessert was one scoop of ice cream. DH asked if he could have another scoop but was told no as the carton (think Ben & Jerry’s small sized carton) had to last them a week.

By evening the dc were ravenous. I asked mil if dc could have a slice of toast or cereal. Was told they only had muesli and one small loaf of brown seeded bread. DC do not like either. I asked if there was any fruit was told no. DH asked if there was a bag of crisps, again no.

I’m not proud of this but DH and I went through the fridge and cupboards trying to find something to eat but the cupboards were literally bare.

DH went out this morning to buy some bread, cheese etc (which fil helped himself too) and I suggested to mil we go out to dinner but she insisted she is cooking. Dreading another tiny meal & the dc’s being hungry.

DH said they are just being tight by not spending money on food and drink. I quite frankly want to go home. Simple things like they knew we were coming but the bathroom had no towels or soap, no mirror or lamp in guest bedroom. Could they not have bought some cornflakes & snacks knowing most kids don’t eat muesli!

They have always been mean with money, poor DH as a uni student was penniless living off toast and pawning his stuff while his parents refused and financial assistance.

OP posts:
CakeNinja · 12/08/2018 15:33

The thought of a subway would make me tearful and not in an good way, but I think
I’d eat one after a few days on minimal rations!
I’m more concerned that OP can’t put face cream on without a mirror Shock
What’s that all about?! Grin

LanaorAna2 · 12/08/2018 15:34

PIL want you to pay for your (and their) food. Rude to the point of nuts.

Go out to eat when you can, without them. Buy food and keep it in bedrooms. Don't suggest a takeaway because you'll have to foot the bill for their 15 side dishes, endless nans, you name it. And the wine.

When they stay with you, pasta and sauce every night. Mean with money, mean with love.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 12/08/2018 15:36

CakeNinja I would tell DH where to stick his subway. All the fuss over no food and they go for a subway? They aren't the most filling of foods!

Interested in this thread?

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LighthouseSouth · 12/08/2018 15:40

I also wonder if they were expecting you to say "oh we will go and do a shop" and buy a bunch of food that they would eat.

FollowYourOwnNorthStar · 12/08/2018 15:46

Gitfeatures I know, me too. I keep coming back to read to find out if FIL wangled some of the cheese on toast!

runbeerrunbeer · 12/08/2018 15:54

I find it really sad reading threads like this as ultimately it's not about the food is it. It's about parents not wanting to show how keen they are to have their grown up kids and grandkids over and a grown up kid not having the kind of relationship with his parents where you can say 'bloody hell are we on rations?! I'm chuffing starving, let's get some proper food on!'

In our family, putting on w huge spread was the way you welcomed the family. No one ever went hungry or didn't have something to met their specific dietary need.

I don't know what I'm saddest about, the fact the hosts haven't given a shit or the fact the grown up kid doesn't want to challenge/upset their parents by calling them out on it, at the expense of hungry spouse and kids feeling sadly Unwelcomed. Hope you enjoy your subway OP and hope when in laws ask about a future visit your husband tells them exactly why they didn't feel like a return visit any time soon.

MsHomeSlice · 12/08/2018 15:55

cakeninja ...I cannot do face cream without a mirror!! I don't know why cos I can insert/remove lenses, do my eyeliner (waterline, not flicky) apply mascara (top and bottom lashes) , and lippy to a passable standard without a mirror, but face cream ends up everywhere and nowhere, up my nose, in my hair, hands covered, missed bits on my face! Weird!

I want to know where the HCB came from and if he had cheese on toast too

I don't eat subways, I used to walk around the back of one, they never did not have a rat trap down by the door. :v

MarthasGinYard · 12/08/2018 15:59

I've always thought of subway as a bit grubby

wowfudge · 12/08/2018 16:08

I would have been very tempted to ask MIL if they were in financial difficulties as there was so little food in the house. Sounds unlikely that they are having problems, but showing concern for their circumstances might just give them a wake up call.

ThePlanetGoesOnBeingRound3 · 12/08/2018 16:09

I have wasted far too much of my time reading this pile of shite.

wowfudge · 12/08/2018 16:10

I swear Subway pipes the smell of marinara sauce to try to entice you in. The bread is pap and the limited choice of salad - bloody iceberg lettuce only - is dire. Oh and the coffee is weak.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 12/08/2018 16:14

Me, too - Planet - and I've responded. It's been like crack cocaine for me. I knew it was doing me no good, but just couldn't stop myself. :(

Oysterbabe · 12/08/2018 16:14

Don't go home, you have to stay and report to us what they serve at each meal.

MarthasGinYard · 12/08/2018 16:14
Grin
MidniteScribbler · 12/08/2018 16:17

Mummyoflittledragon: Very cheap weekend for them.

No, actually a very cheap weekend for you. You took advantage of their home for the weekend. You could have paid for accommodation instead, which would have cost you a lot more. Having guests can cost a lot of money.

I own a house which is very close to a major venue for a hobby that I do. I often get friends wanting to stay for some of the big events. That's fine, but I'm letting you stay in my house and you can have your dogs inside. The nearest other venue that lets you do that is 60 minutes away and costs $250 per night. I'm saving you a fortune in money, time and convenience, so I don't expect that I should provide all of their preferred food and alcohol (and fortunately none of my guests do either!) for their visit. Everyone who comes to stay brings wine, snacks and some dog treats.

My other house is on a small island that is popular with tourists, and I get a lot of people wanting to visit during the holidays. I have a spare room and it's fine to visit, but I'm saving you an average of $1500 for an average week's accommodation, and I'm letting you borrow my second car. Services are not cheap on the island, electricity is five times the cost on the mainland, gas (for hot water) is by bottle and needs to be delivered, water is scarce and I may need to buy in a tank if I'm having visitors (about $300 per load). If someone was staying and expected me to go and buy their preferred breakfast cereal for them, it would be the last time they stayed.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 12/08/2018 16:18

I always take such threads with a large pinch of salt. Especially when there's so many details left out.

FrayedHem · 12/08/2018 16:22

I always take such threads with a large pinch of salt

I hope you brought your own and don't expect your host to provide any for you

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 12/08/2018 16:23

Grin of course not I even have my own pepper

user1andonly · 12/08/2018 16:28

I think I'd want to invite them to stay again just so I could watch their faces fall when I dished up a spoonful of pasta each and shared a pot of sauce between us all.

I'd hide the contents of the kitchen cupboards in the car boot and have a large box of snacks stashed under my bed.

OK. In reality I probably wouldn't but it would be tempting!

I'm thinking the dh only bought bread and cheese because he was hoping the first tiny meal was a one off although that doesn't explain why he or the op didn't go back to the shop the next day.

I would also love to know where in the UK is 45 minutes from the nearest supermarket...

GreenTulips · 12/08/2018 16:30

The difference is MidniteScribbler
That it's family who each host the other. PIL are happy to be hosted at OPs and OP provides all the food, yet PIL haven't? Do they expect OP and DH to shop when they don't contribute the other way round?

FrayedHem · 12/08/2018 16:33

Grin Salt and pepper are grand on half a roll with a teaspoon of vegetables. Transforms it into feast.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 12/08/2018 16:37

Frayed

Grin Enough for five if you add a smear of mustard!

FrayedHem · 12/08/2018 16:44

When we have guests to stay, we just print out and serve photos of the main dish. It's cheaper and saves on the washing up.

FrayedHem · 12/08/2018 16:46

Mustard is for high days and holidays only IMO

PixelAteMe · 12/08/2018 16:52

I agree with runbeer that this is a very sad thread.

It gives an impression of greyness; no affection, no normal interaction between parents and adult child/grandparents and grandchildren. It all sounds emotionally sterile, with everyone paying lip service to the relationship that links them all, whilst feeling no bond.

If the relationship were a warm one, the situation either wouldn’t have arisen, or it could have been pointed out pleasantly that there was a lack of food/towels etc. Instead, it just sounds as though everyone is just trying to get through the visit with gritted teeth (on both sides).

Presumably you have stayed with PILs previously, OP? Has there always been an issue with food? Are the PILs still in good health, or are they struggling with living in an apparently isolated place where shopping is a bit of an expedition?

If they have form for such meanness, and your relationship with them is as strained as your OP suggests, why on Earth were you planning to spend so much of your precious family time staying in Bleak House?