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Staying at in-laws with dc and there is no food

960 replies

daytimemom · 11/08/2018 16:30

Arrived at in-laws with DH (their son) and our two dc’s. For context, they are very well off. Live in huge house in the country, spend six months a year on cruises, have new car etc.

This is the first time we have visited them in their new house. Normally they stay at our house where we cook meals for them, provide wine and snacks and generally be very hospitable. They certainly enjoy all our food and drink.

This is what they served DH and I for dinner; two small roast potato’s, one small parsnip, teaspoon of peas and carrots, three slices of chicken. Our dc who are 11 and 12 had the same but with one roast potato rather than two. Dessert was one scoop of ice cream. DH asked if he could have another scoop but was told no as the carton (think Ben & Jerry’s small sized carton) had to last them a week.

By evening the dc were ravenous. I asked mil if dc could have a slice of toast or cereal. Was told they only had muesli and one small loaf of brown seeded bread. DC do not like either. I asked if there was any fruit was told no. DH asked if there was a bag of crisps, again no.

I’m not proud of this but DH and I went through the fridge and cupboards trying to find something to eat but the cupboards were literally bare.

DH went out this morning to buy some bread, cheese etc (which fil helped himself too) and I suggested to mil we go out to dinner but she insisted she is cooking. Dreading another tiny meal & the dc’s being hungry.

DH said they are just being tight by not spending money on food and drink. I quite frankly want to go home. Simple things like they knew we were coming but the bathroom had no towels or soap, no mirror or lamp in guest bedroom. Could they not have bought some cornflakes & snacks knowing most kids don’t eat muesli!

They have always been mean with money, poor DH as a uni student was penniless living off toast and pawning his stuff while his parents refused and financial assistance.

OP posts:
Mummyoflittledragon · 12/08/2018 12:50

Bluntness
I wouldn’t spend lots so as not to cause offence coupled with inevitably it will be eaten by your so called hosts. I am very generous with food but be blowed if I want to do the same in other people’s homes. When Dh and I visited family a few years ago their house looked like this. Sil declared she’s do a big shop the next day - why when she could have shopped any day she chose prior to our arrival? As is she came back with a tenners worth of food and was most put out when the 2 men shared the small pack of ham.

I took some food for me and bits for dd. Dh was on his own. They seemingly must live on takeaways, fish and chips, food out.... and booze as meal replacements. We ended up bringing a couple of bottles of wine as a thanks for hosting and paying for a meal out for everyone while they sat on their hands. No meals cooked for us at all. I finally found a small loaf of bread in the freezer. The only thing to eat was half a tin of tuna, 6 eggs, bran flakes, 3/4 fishfingers and some left over cooked meat. They also announced we should go out for a fry up on the last day and we also paid for ourselves. Very cheap weekend for them.

Good on op for leaving. We ended up leaving earlier than planned as they were just attrocious as always.

Mummyoflittledragon · 12/08/2018 12:52

Cross post Imnotasgreen
Yes, I say nothing to my family. All a bunch of narcissists and I’m disabled and the scapegoat. Why would I cause an argument and draw attention to myself? They cause enough on their own against me jusf through my existence.

LeafcutterAnt · 12/08/2018 12:58

If the inlaws have to travel 45 mins to a supermarket, maybe they find the journey a bit arduous, hence rationing the food so they don't have to do it too often.
I agree it's strange the dh only bought bread and cheese. Was he hungry as a child before he left for uni?

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ImNotAsGreenasImCabbageLooking · 12/08/2018 12:59

coupled with inevitably it will be eaten by your so called hosts. I am very generous with food but be blowed if I want to do the same in other people’s homes

Ok your SIL was tight but that's just cutting off your nose to spite your face. If you're hungry and there's not enough food you buy more, even if it was perfectly reasonable to expect your host to have those things in. Sitting there thinking "well if she won't pay for it then I won't either" is just petty Confused. Also, in the Ops case they have two DC with them. It's one thing to decide you'll go without yourself on principle but quite another to ignore the fact your dc are hungry.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 12/08/2018 13:01

FFS people can post as often as they want on a thread.

MountainsPlease · 12/08/2018 13:13

Please tell them the reason you are leaving is that they have made it clear you are not welcome guests.

Theweasleytwins · 12/08/2018 13:19

About 11am last time we were at pils, we were offered toast. 2 pieces of toast. It was mouldy😑

I was 25 weeks pregnant and starting to get my appetite back

Meanwhile fil is considering buying another bloody motorbike😑

adoggymama · 12/08/2018 13:29

God they sound like an awful bunch! You are definitely NBU! If they're really so tight about food (which I doubt if you say they're well off!) then it's probably cheaper to bung together a nice pasta bake which would serve everyone generously than buy a chicken, extra veg, Ben and Jerry's etc!

I'm only 19, but when people come to visit my partner and i's flat I always like to make sure I have a way of catering for them! Either having food in and prepared or treating them to a nice meal out. Basic mannersWink

DameDoom · 12/08/2018 13:36

OP and DH do seem to be martyrs to their cause. Surely to God, this cannot be the first time ever they have gone to visit PILS in their own home? OP hasn't mentioned that this food rationing is a regular occurrence.
I'm taken aback that DH is too embarrassed to ask for/go and buy extra food. These people are his parents FFS - no one has to be rude about it.
Has the entire family been holed up all weekend without leaving the house?
I'd been interested to know more of the backstory - not just the university deprivation of DH.

betterthanbutter · 12/08/2018 13:57

I'd been interested to know more of the backstory

Yes, this. There must be way more to this story than not providing food for the grandkids.

The whole towels thing, as well. It’s very odd.

Gemini69 · 12/08/2018 14:04

maybe just maybe Hmm they don't like spending money on anyone but themselves... the several cruises a year.. the large country pile.... maybe they're just selfish freeloaders that will eat everyone else's food ... and quite possibly there is no backstory.. Grin

SadieHH · 12/08/2018 14:10

Thank God someone said it Gemini. People are always looking for an excuse when the chances are they're just tight fisted chancers. Sod that for a game of soldiers, glad the OP went home.

Butteredparsn1ps · 12/08/2018 14:14

The OP’s DH is clearly unreasonable. Who goes out for emergency food rations and returns without chocolate?

LighthouseSouth · 12/08/2018 14:18

my mum has a theory that people who do this have a secret fridge hidden from visitors.

DP and I were invited to stay with a lovely couple we met in Cornwall - they lived in Suffolk, we were on holiday and had got on really well. I was unable to do much on the holiday as I was recovering from a spinal injury and the holiday had been a treat after literally lying in the house for 3 months, before that lying in a hospital.

The invite was for lunch and dinner staying overnight. They had a house and said they had 2 spare rooms.

The journey door to door was about 2.5 hours. We arrived to find they had a pizza for lunch, with salad, divided between 4 of us. Like the pizza express size pizza. They would have known that we had left our homes ages to meet them, maybe they thought we ate on the train at 11am? I don't know.

About 6pm DP asked about dinner plans because he was really hungry. well so was I but not so much as I don't have all the muscle to feed.

they said "we normally eat about 8pm, is that okay? We have quiche. Before we do that, can you give us a hand blowing up the lilo?"

yes, they had 2 spare rooms but they were putting us up on a lilo - and they knew from our holiday that I was recovering from a spinal injury.

we were very blunt and said "look, you know Lighthouse actually has to sleep on a bed or it's going to be a very painful few days after - we think we better go" - and didn't bother keeping in touch after that.

they would also have seen me eating hardly anything on holiday because when I wasn't moving much I ate like a bird - but even so.....

MistressDeeCee · 12/08/2018 14:19

maybe just maybe hmm they don't like spending money on anyone but themselves

Exactly.

Going home was the best thing to do, I wouldn't have stayed beyond an hour in the 1st place. Leave the tightwads alone to get on with greedily stuffing themselves with the food they hide away from visitors.

I wouldn't bother visiting again either, and if asked would have no problem telling them why. Food control freaks can't bear to be left with no-one to play their stupid games on. Suitable penance.

Guienne · 12/08/2018 14:26

I think actually the whole thing has been embellished somewhat to make them out to be deeply evil

Neither OP nor anyone else is making them out to be deep evil or cruel, and if you think they are you are extrapolating things that just aren't there. She is just saying they're mean, and clearly they are.

Gitfeatures · 12/08/2018 14:32

I'm still holding out to hear whether FIL got any cheese on toast.

MarthasGinYard · 12/08/2018 14:36

I bet the occado van is just pulling away and he's got the grill on Grin

LeftRightCentre · 12/08/2018 14:37

What Gemini said.

Whisky2014 · 12/08/2018 14:41

OP, what did you say to mil when she looked at you with 2 heads etc? "why eould we have that?" "Well because theres 6 of us and so we need more food, why havent you got a food shop in?"
I dont know why you are focusing on grandparents not feeing their only grandchildren...they arent feeding their oen son and dil either. It shouldnt matter who the people are just that they are being fed. If your DH is too weak to speak up then i think you should and it doesnt even need to be done in a big dramatic way. Just "we need more food/larger portions, when are you doing the food shop?" Easy.

Elephant14 · 12/08/2018 14:41

I am glad you managed to leave OP - but what explanation did you give?

Melliegrantfirstlady · 12/08/2018 15:07

A subway?!

That just wouldn’t cut it for me

I’d be expecting a nice pub meal at least

Kool4katz · 12/08/2018 15:16

Glad you're escaping from them, OP.
My ex's parents were like this. They had plenty of money but were exceptionally tight. I don't think they had many friends because they certainly weren't generous hosts. They live in the north of Scotland (they're not Scottish but English) and I can remember visiting and turning all the radiators up because it was really cold. MIL followed me around turning them down again saying it was too expensive to have them on and they were programmed to come on for an hour in the evening! It was a nice modern bungalow so had double glazing and was well insulated. Fact is, they were just mean and didn't care about anyone else. ExDP was embarrassed by them and had learnt how to cook because they had always been mean with food portions when he was growing up and they had a weekly food timetable so that whatever meal/day it was, you knew exactly what they were going to eat. It never varied in all the 12 years I knew them. Apart from when they stayed with us and then they'd scoff themselves silly.
I was really sad when I split with my ex but the bonus ball was never having to see his awful parents again. That was a cheering thought. Smile

Catspyjamazzzz · 12/08/2018 15:24

Limiting food was part of my narcissistic MILs behaviour.
She actually had a fit once as we turned up hours and hours late (stuck in traffic) and were getting a takeaway because we hadn’t eaten since an early lunch. It was now 9pm.
She couldn’t understand why we were hungry when she’d already had HER dinner? Confused

I was starving on many visits where tiny meals were served and she would rant about us gorging ourselves by even wanting meals.
They weren’t poor. She really objected to buying any extra food.
She hated having extra food in the fridge/cupboards. It became a massive issue when elderly as she only ever wanted the bare minimum in, not convenient when someone else is coming to do your shopping though.

FIL however would gorge himself at others houses on anything ‘free’. Even making himself ill.

This has passed on though BIL, offers NOTHING when you visit. You’re expected to buy your own food (and they hope theirs too). We’ve eaten in lay-bys near their house before to make sure we aren’t hungry. They aren’t hard up, they just want to spend nothing on anyone else.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 12/08/2018 15:24

Has the OP said if this is a new thing? Or what has happened previously?

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