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Original poster

Staying at in-laws with dc and there is no food

960 replies

daytimemom · 11/08/2018 16:30

Arrived at in-laws with DH (their son) and our two dc’s. For context, they are very well off. Live in huge house in the country, spend six months a year on cruises, have new car etc.

This is the first time we have visited them in their new house. Normally they stay at our house where we cook meals for them, provide wine and snacks and generally be very hospitable. They certainly enjoy all our food and drink.

This is what they served DH and I for dinner; two small roast potato’s, one small parsnip, teaspoon of peas and carrots, three slices of chicken. Our dc who are 11 and 12 had the same but with one roast potato rather than two. Dessert was one scoop of ice cream. DH asked if he could have another scoop but was told no as the carton (think Ben & Jerry’s small sized carton) had to last them a week.

By evening the dc were ravenous. I asked mil if dc could have a slice of toast or cereal. Was told they only had muesli and one small loaf of brown seeded bread. DC do not like either. I asked if there was any fruit was told no. DH asked if there was a bag of crisps, again no.

I’m not proud of this but DH and I went through the fridge and cupboards trying to find something to eat but the cupboards were literally bare.

DH went out this morning to buy some bread, cheese etc (which fil helped himself too) and I suggested to mil we go out to dinner but she insisted she is cooking. Dreading another tiny meal & the dc’s being hungry.

DH said they are just being tight by not spending money on food and drink. I quite frankly want to go home. Simple things like they knew we were coming but the bathroom had no towels or soap, no mirror or lamp in guest bedroom. Could they not have bought some cornflakes & snacks knowing most kids don’t eat muesli!

They have always been mean with money, poor DH as a uni student was penniless living off toast and pawning his stuff while his parents refused and financial assistance.

OP posts:
ChanandlerBongsNeighbour · 12/08/2018 11:36

Did you tell them the reason you left/are leaving early?

Gemini69 · 12/08/2018 11:38

Glad to see you've left OP.. enjoy your Subways Grin

Cagliostro · 12/08/2018 11:41

You definitely earned your subway! :o

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families
KinkyAfro · 12/08/2018 11:46

Lol at bluntness saying the DH is financially controlling, some serious overthinking going on there

Bluntness100 · 12/08/2018 11:54

Why?

They went through the cupboards. They were bare. They knew they were going hungry. So the husband goes to the shop for food.

Andcomes home with only bread and cheese. Who'd do that?

PineapplePower · 12/08/2018 12:02

They sound like terrible hosts! The PIL should have an idea of how much they consume at mealtimes, they’ve visited several times!

I rarely bring my own towels or toiletries when staying at friends or family, why should you pack extra when most people have spares? It’s not unreasonable! I’d think it was very stingy not to provide these things. What next, your own bedsheets?

That said, it’s not something to go NC over, her DP needs to grow a spine and stand up to his parents. That’s the real issue here.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 12/08/2018 12:02

And why would the OP ask for something to spread on toast when she knows there's nothing in for that as she'd been through the cupboards.

Why would you do that?

CornishFairing · 12/08/2018 12:10

Maybe in case they had something nice hidden away somewhere !

JustBeReasonable · 12/08/2018 12:10

To be clear, as well- OP and DC were welcome to GP's toast, but the type of bread the GPs had was not to their liking. They were also offered museli/branflakes (not clear whether one or both- the story has changed...) but again this was not to their liking.

It seems that there was more food available but it wasn't considered suitable by OP. Hence me being sceptical of the real levels of deprivation and drama here.

JustBeReasonable · 12/08/2018 12:12

Heave forbid the children have to eat bread with seeds in! Wink

ImNotAsGreenasImCabbageLooking · 12/08/2018 12:12

It sounds miserable and tbh I'd wonder if they're deliberately sending a message that they don't particularly want you all coming to stay. Aside from the lack of food, not even having soap and towels and then grudgingly handing over a hand towel Hmm. It's very unwelcoming.

We had SIL, BIL and their 4 dc staying for nearly a week recently. Our cupboards, fridge and freezers are always well stocked anyway but we checked with them in advance re what their dc in particular like to eat and made sure we had those things in, including stuff that we ourselves don't eat. Surely that's just being a good, welcoming host? I'd be mortified to serve the tiny portions described here!

Saying that I agree with others that DH should have bought a decent amount of food once you realised they had nothing in. I think it's dreadful that the ILs didn't bother but once you'd discovered that and decided to hit a shop then why on earth not stock up on a few bits? He could easily have bought extra cheese, meat, yogurt, jam, cereal, biscuits and even if concerned about offending them, those could be passed off with "Oh you know kids at this age, hollow legs". Less awkward (if that was the concern) than going home two days early...

tinstar · 12/08/2018 12:12

*And why would the OP ask for something to spread on toast when she knows there's nothing in for that as she'd been through the cupboards.

Why would you do that?*

To make a point? Emphasise the lack of food available?

LighthouseSouth · 12/08/2018 12:15

Maybe DH didn't buy much because he knew a getaway was inevitable.

CornishFairing · 12/08/2018 12:15

I don't think the op is coming back.

LighthouseSouth · 12/08/2018 12:20

@CornishFairing

the OP has been back.....

Aprilshowersinaugust · 12/08/2018 12:24

Bet the ils go out for a slap up Sunday roast.
Or maybe she has another fridge in her bedroom?
Sounds potty and you are well out of it op. No way will the dc be missing gps anytime soon that's for sure!

Bluntness100 · 12/08/2018 12:24

To make a point? Emphasise the lack of food available?

To who? Her mother in law or her "very generous" husband who went food shopping and only bought bread and cheese.

Bread and cheese that has taken on such significance it needed to be rationed out and eaten for lunch, snacks and apparantly breakfast for the kids too. Because knowing there were no snacks, knowing how his wife and kids and him eat, that's all he thought he'd buy.

What very generous person do you know who does that?

MrsChollySawcutt · 12/08/2018 12:27

Justbereasonable I agree and said similar upthread. I find this thread rather sad, posters have been so certain that it's all deliberate cruelty by the GPs and so pleased with themselves for posting nasty suggestions for retaliation.

I'd have been more inclined to ask the GP if they were alright. Then gently point out out that the kids need a lot of food these days and gone and done a big shop for everyone - even if it was a 45 min trek to get there.

Intriguing to know which part of the country this was as there are so few places that are anywhere near 45 mins drive from a main supermarket. I live out in the sticks but can find a supermarket in any direction within 25 mins easily.

AhoyDelBoy · 12/08/2018 12:31

You’re certainly quite invested in this thread aren’t you Bluntness100 Hmm

Seeline · 12/08/2018 12:36

Surely you've stayed with them before. Has the food always been like that? If so you should've been prepared. If not I would be questioning what's changed. Have they had a change in financial circumstances that they have tried to hide? Is perhaps MIL entering early stage dementia? It sounds as though FIL is not being fed as much as he would like - have you had a talk with him on his own?

MingeUterusMingeMingeYoni · 12/08/2018 12:39

PILs not being thin wouldn't alone make it likely that they were eating more. It's the added information we've been given that makes it clear that FIL at least isn't surviving purely on these rations.

FIL has eaten a stashed hot cross bun in secret and extra bread and cheese since their arrival, plus evidently wanted to partake of cheese on toast. They eat a lot at OPs house, ie where they're not paying for it. And they're at home probably a minority of the time, given that they do cruises for 6 months of the year and also visit family. As FIL is happy to eat extra food when it's available and he doesn't have to pay extra for it, and he spends the majority of his time in settings where it is available, why would anyone assume that eating more than the tiny meals when he has the option isn't the norm for him? Admittedly we've nothing to suggest MIL eats any more than the tiny meals other than the fact that she's larger than one would expect even an older person to be on those portions, but it's very clear that FIL does.

Actually I do wonder whether MIL is aware of FILs hot cross bun secret. Maybe he was hiding it from her as much as from his son.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 12/08/2018 12:41

Her fridge is full of teeny tiny pots of food that she saved for 'later'.

I've seen that fridge - full of stuff that is too small to eat, but too big to throw away . . .

CornishFairing · 12/08/2018 12:42

I don't think the op is coming back again

Bluntness100 · 12/08/2018 12:42

And you're certainly quite invested in me ahoy. Back off. It's creepy.

ImNotAsGreenasImCabbageLooking · 12/08/2018 12:43

I'd have been more inclined to ask the GP if they were alright. Then gently point out out that the kids need a lot of food these days and gone and done a big shop for everyone - even if it was a 45 min trek to get there.

I would too and in RL I doubt I know anyone who wouldn't, even acknowledging there's every chance they're perfectly fine and just being tight. MN however always seems to be full of people who's interactions with their own parents or siblings seems to to be limited to the type of polite, stilted conversations you might have with a stranger sitting in the dentists waiting room. It's really quite odd!