Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Staying at in-laws with dc and there is no food

960 replies

daytimemom · 11/08/2018 16:30

Arrived at in-laws with DH (their son) and our two dc’s. For context, they are very well off. Live in huge house in the country, spend six months a year on cruises, have new car etc.

This is the first time we have visited them in their new house. Normally they stay at our house where we cook meals for them, provide wine and snacks and generally be very hospitable. They certainly enjoy all our food and drink.

This is what they served DH and I for dinner; two small roast potato’s, one small parsnip, teaspoon of peas and carrots, three slices of chicken. Our dc who are 11 and 12 had the same but with one roast potato rather than two. Dessert was one scoop of ice cream. DH asked if he could have another scoop but was told no as the carton (think Ben & Jerry’s small sized carton) had to last them a week.

By evening the dc were ravenous. I asked mil if dc could have a slice of toast or cereal. Was told they only had muesli and one small loaf of brown seeded bread. DC do not like either. I asked if there was any fruit was told no. DH asked if there was a bag of crisps, again no.

I’m not proud of this but DH and I went through the fridge and cupboards trying to find something to eat but the cupboards were literally bare.

DH went out this morning to buy some bread, cheese etc (which fil helped himself too) and I suggested to mil we go out to dinner but she insisted she is cooking. Dreading another tiny meal & the dc’s being hungry.

DH said they are just being tight by not spending money on food and drink. I quite frankly want to go home. Simple things like they knew we were coming but the bathroom had no towels or soap, no mirror or lamp in guest bedroom. Could they not have bought some cornflakes & snacks knowing most kids don’t eat muesli!

They have always been mean with money, poor DH as a uni student was penniless living off toast and pawning his stuff while his parents refused and financial assistance.

OP posts:
Myimaginarycathasfleas · 12/08/2018 10:25

My parents were brought up during rationing. They were very generous people in every way but it was ingrained in them not to waste food so I grew up on small meals (which seemed entirely normal and sufficient to me).

If your PILs were similarly fed as children that might explain why they aren't providing what you're used to. Also it's hard scaling up to accommodate a family when you are used to catering for a couple. I always took over the meal preparation from my mother when we arrived en masse. I think she was grateful actually, although I used to get the odd "another meal?" which I ignored.

Ask for a shelf in the fridge and a cupboard to store food in so you can keep your family topped up, and offer to cook or treat everyone to a takeaway on one night as a thank you. Not much of a holiday for you but hungry children are no fun!

Bluntness100 · 12/08/2018 10:26

Or how about, "OP, why didn't you buy any food for your children?"

Agree. Even the bread rolls was odd, if it wasn't enough then the husband had bought a loaf apparantly but that had to be saved for breakfast, so couldn't be eaten at dinner, why save it for cheese on toast later.

So clearly when he went to thr shops didn't buy a shit load of food either, knowing the cupboards were bare. That's why they are still hungry.

Willow2017 · 12/08/2018 10:36

They weren't nasty. Sure rhey were miserly with food but saying they are nasty is just odd

No towels or soap in bathroom.
One small towel between 4 people.
No toiletries.
Pathetic portions of foid

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Willow2017 · 12/08/2018 10:38

Damm phone crashed.

Not getting any food in for guests but secretly eating food behind thier backs.

Thats awful behaviour and i wouldnt be back.

PoshPenny · 12/08/2018 10:41

They sound awful OP. You've done absolutely the right thing by deciding to go today Thanks I wouldn't be inviting them to stay at yours again - ever.

trojanpony · 12/08/2018 10:45

Some of the responses on here Hmm

OP, I don’t think you are being dramatic. I’d be quite angry that I’d be made some uncomfortable (I am currently experiencing similar “hosting discomfort” but fortunately not hungry.)
I would be in no rush to invite them to stay with you again either.

What excuse have you given for the early departure?

JustBeReasonable · 12/08/2018 10:46

OP I think you've had a lot of support on this thread but I have to say I'm now starting to think you are being pretty unreasonable. Older people generally do eat tiny portions and as plenty of people have said here it's not hugely unusual. What is unusual is that you didn't just go to the shop and get a load of 'snacks', or that you didn't suggest that you'd cook, or that you didn't take them out for dinner, or any of the other myriad ways you could have solved this.

DH has to ask and one small hand towel and a bar of soap was produced. DH bought some shampoo when he bought the bread so we could at least wash our hair. The point of hand towels are that they're small. Otherwise it wouldn't be a hand towel. And why did you expect your shampoo to be provided?! I don't know anyone who doesn't bring their own (unless they forgot)- it's akin to toothpaste and toothbrush.

bathroom had no towels or soap, no mirror or lamp in guest bedroom I wouldn't put it past myself to remember to replace the towel in the bathroom. My guest room currently has no mirror or lamp- I know you've since said there was no mirror in the bathroom either, but I'm not convinced by that simply due to the way you initially phrased this. The fact that you see this as unacceptable suggests to me that perhaps you're a little unreasonable.

I will not be inviting them to my house again. If DH wants to see them he will have to visit them on his own which I doubt he will want to do. This is a really extreme reaction to having been fed small portions, and I seriously hope you don't mean it. You're genuinely intending that your DC will grow up without GPs and your DH will have to visit alone, because you couldn't manage to ask for or get more food?!

have been offered bran flakes because all children love bran flakes hmm To be honest, I was brought up to be grateful when staying with other people. Bran flakes aren't so foreign and revolting that the starving DC couldn't have eaten them for one morning before you had time to buy something they'd prefer. It would have been thoughtful for GPs to get something else prior to you arriving but it's not wholly unreasonable for them to have not thought of it.

I suspect what's happened is that you have (understandably) been upset by small portion sizes and have now extrapolated that to everything and have become somewhat unreasonable yourself. I really don't think it needed this much drama at all.

AnnaMagnani · 12/08/2018 10:51

When I visit MIL I always forget the godawful towel situation and forget to bring mine, but she does at least provide something that could be described as a towel in it's heyday in 1972

And even though she doesn't eat much, she recalls we are visiting and buys random items of food mainly cake as she knows we are coming. It's not her fault I'm spectacularly picky so won't eat her choices, so I bring my own.

I don't even like her, but she does try. Same as my DM who proudly announces she has bought stuff for my DH she wouldn't normally have in, and we never tell her he doesn't like any of it. Both of them like providing - they get to do some mothering.

If you have grandkids coming, surely it's commonsense to buy some Nutella at least? Confused

TorviBrightspear · 12/08/2018 10:52

I think the PIL are just mean and controlling. They are happy to eat plenty of food when it's on offer elsewhere.

The OP says FIL looked happy at the idea of cheese on toast, but then, it's been bought by someone else. FIL also has a secret stash and neither PIL are thin, so they must have other stashes in.

Yet they themselves offer miserly portions, and given they've been around others they can't be that ignorant to what other people view as decent portions. 6 months a year on cruises, they know their portions are mean.

They are poor hosts in other ways, no towels, etc, and were mean to their son when he was at uni. No way would I allow my DCs to pawn their possessions if I was able to help.

This all hints to poor parenting from them as DH grew up, especially as he feels unable to talk to them about this.

CornishFairing · 12/08/2018 10:53

The point of hand towels are that they're small. Otherwise it wouldn't be a hand towel.

Not the point ! They were given one small towel and a bar of soap for 4 people to shower with, in my understanding. Don't you always make sure your guests have towels each? I personally also make sure there is shower gel shampoo and conditioner out.

If you're not going make guests feel comfortable then why invite them !!

Guienne · 12/08/2018 10:53

Older people generally do eat tiny portions and as plenty of people have said here it's not hugely unusual.

But, JustBe, these two don't eat small portions, as witness their behaviour when they come to OP's house.

I wouldn't put it past myself to remember to replace the towel in the bathroom.

It's a bit of a stretch to say you too would forget when you are having four people to stay. But even if you did, would you then give them only one hand towel when asked for towels?

What is unusual is that you didn't just go to the shop and get a load of 'snacks', or that you didn't suggest that you'd cook, or that you didn't take them out for dinner

Did you miss the bit where OP's husband did offer to take them out to dinner and MiL refused? And "just going to the shop" is a bit difficult when the nearest one is 45 minutes away.

TorviBrightspear · 12/08/2018 10:54

Older people generally do eat tiny portions and as plenty of people have said here it's not hugely unusual.

But these particular older people are used to eating larger portions on their frequent cruises...........

Kintan · 12/08/2018 10:54

To the pp questioning about the op bringing towels or toiletries- sure if you are going to stay with friends or distant family it would be normal to
bring your own - but these are her husband’s parents we are talking about. Could any of you imagine not providing a towel etc for your children?

iloveredwine · 12/08/2018 10:55

my children would class a subway as a treat so I'm not sure why you are getting a hard time over looking forward to it. Enjoy!!!!!

WindyWednesday · 12/08/2018 10:57

I have to take my own hand soap to the pil. The don’t have soap at the sinks. Bathroom or kitchen.

TorviBrightspear · 12/08/2018 10:58

I've had DD's BF to stay, and told him to use whatever he likes in the bathroom. I don't think it's a big stretch to believe you can use the toiletries at a parent's house.

I would do that for any guest, and just take out the bathroom the odd one or two items I'd rather not share.

BlueAnemone · 12/08/2018 11:01

If the in laws are behaving like this with food, then the rest of the day probably isn't much fun either, and equally full of criticism.
"Board games? Heavens no! Put it away. Can't the children entertain themselves silently?"
"Why would I want to go out for a walk? No, no. Is this really how you spend your days?"

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 12/08/2018 11:04

It's all very strange. Sounds like there's some MH issues going on here either that or they have absolutely no money.

FeralBeryl · 12/08/2018 11:06

Oh God you're staying at my MIL's!

I've spent years starving whenever we go. The kids and I have a stash of car snacks now Grin
Gone are the years of me chiselling a piece of soda bread off secretly from the freezer after hours. Yes after hours, because the kitchen gets closed after a certain time, three squeaky and locked doors stood between me and that bread.

DH is hopeless, she wrings her hands and says 'oh I hope there's enough' and he just pats her arm reassuringly whilst the rest of us stumble round starving like extras from the Thriller video Hmm

Suresurelah · 12/08/2018 11:06

Don’t blame you. Don’t blame you at all.

JustBeReasonable · 12/08/2018 11:06

I'm not saying they sound like great hosts. My point is that OP is being unreasonable in her reaction to go NC, and that I think actually the whole thing has been embellished somewhat to make them out to be deeply evil when I think actually that's not honestly the case.

Also, them apparently not being thin doesn't mean they're secretly eating or that they normally eat more. Elderly people often have very low metabolisms.

I suspect there was one hot cross bun left in the cupboard that FIL chose to eat. Should he have shared it between everyone? Really not that big a deal.

In this situation I'd have gone to a shop and bought food for everyone, rather than choosing to go NC(?!). I suspect there is somewhere that would suffice closer than 45 minutes away, but if they really are stuck in the middle of the Highlands or something it'd still be worth the (presumably, in that case, scenic!) drive to keep the peace, keep bellies from rumbling, and to make clear to the DPIL that more food was required.

Bluntness100 · 12/08/2018 11:11

I'd agree it's all very strange.

The op said her and her husband went through the cupboards to see what was there, so he went to the shop. Why did he only buy bread and cheese that had to last them? Why not stock up knowing there was no food. Sounds like the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. And that's why the subway is such a big deal.

And why is the op asking the mother in law if she's got spreads or eggs, she knows exactly what the mother in law has, she's been through her cupboards and fridge.

LighthouseSouth · 12/08/2018 11:18

OP sorry you've had this

I wonder if she was doing it on purpose to cut off relations with you all.

anyway, I'd enjoy your Subway, enjoy being at home with nice food and try to forget about all the Crazy People!

Madbengalmum · 12/08/2018 11:24

I am pleased you are not staying any longer OP. Now make sure you don't accommodate them for a return visit!

ClaryFray · 12/08/2018 11:26

Wow OP that sounds dreadful. Glad your on the way home, enjoy subway