Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Staying at in-laws with dc and there is no food

960 replies

daytimemom · 11/08/2018 16:30

Arrived at in-laws with DH (their son) and our two dc’s. For context, they are very well off. Live in huge house in the country, spend six months a year on cruises, have new car etc.

This is the first time we have visited them in their new house. Normally they stay at our house where we cook meals for them, provide wine and snacks and generally be very hospitable. They certainly enjoy all our food and drink.

This is what they served DH and I for dinner; two small roast potato’s, one small parsnip, teaspoon of peas and carrots, three slices of chicken. Our dc who are 11 and 12 had the same but with one roast potato rather than two. Dessert was one scoop of ice cream. DH asked if he could have another scoop but was told no as the carton (think Ben & Jerry’s small sized carton) had to last them a week.

By evening the dc were ravenous. I asked mil if dc could have a slice of toast or cereal. Was told they only had muesli and one small loaf of brown seeded bread. DC do not like either. I asked if there was any fruit was told no. DH asked if there was a bag of crisps, again no.

I’m not proud of this but DH and I went through the fridge and cupboards trying to find something to eat but the cupboards were literally bare.

DH went out this morning to buy some bread, cheese etc (which fil helped himself too) and I suggested to mil we go out to dinner but she insisted she is cooking. Dreading another tiny meal & the dc’s being hungry.

DH said they are just being tight by not spending money on food and drink. I quite frankly want to go home. Simple things like they knew we were coming but the bathroom had no towels or soap, no mirror or lamp in guest bedroom. Could they not have bought some cornflakes & snacks knowing most kids don’t eat muesli!

They have always been mean with money, poor DH as a uni student was penniless living off toast and pawning his stuff while his parents refused and financial assistance.

OP posts:
MrsMotherHen · 12/08/2018 10:06

only on mumsnet could people jump to conclusions that the DH controls money and there's more to "I promise to buy you a subway"

Its quite clear hes very embarrassed by his parents behaviour and just wants to feed his wife and kids something they all like.

PrimalLass · 12/08/2018 10:07

I wouldn't call going to my mum's house a 'host' situation. If she begrudged the kids some shampoo then I wouldn't stay there. Luckily she's generous to a fault.

I also don't expect anyone to bring their own when they come here. What's mine is theirs.

Bluntness100 · 12/08/2018 10:08

It's their whole nasty attitude

They weren't nasty. Sure rhey were miserly with food but saying they are nasty is just odd

As is thr subway thing, it's a sandwich, most folks would just say "we will stop for a subway on the way home" not he's promised to buy us one like it's a treat or something.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

hamandpease · 12/08/2018 10:08

@woodhill

Could you seek help from a food bank OP

🤦‍♀️

woodhill · 12/08/2018 10:09

Sorry wrong thread OP ignore my FB comment.

AhoyDelBoy · 12/08/2018 10:10

I can’t say I’d ever expect toiletries to be provided, maybe that’s just me. They sound awful and I wouldn’t be inviting them back again (to happily scoff all your food), nor would I be visiting them again. Please tell us if you’ve told them why you’re leaving two days early!?

woodhill · 12/08/2018 10:10

It was for someone who had no food or money but ironic it was on this thread

llangennith · 12/08/2018 10:10

Why are some people looking for profound meanings in the OP looking forward to stopping at Subway and her DH promising this? 😂
Enjoy your Subway OP and leave DH to deal with his parents. They obviously don't care if you lose contact with them or they'd have been more welcoming and hospitable.

hamandpease · 12/08/2018 10:11

Well that makes more sense @woodhill 😂

Bluntness100 · 12/08/2018 10:12

Jeez. Looks like you're not alone op, others would also go no contact if their in laws were miserly with food.

SlowDown76mph · 12/08/2018 10:13

I experienced something quite similar with my parents. With hindsight, it was the early stages of dementia (affecting them both, but different types). They were always 'mean' rather than generous and I've observed with several relatives that dementia seems to exaggerate certain core personality traits.

HolyMountain · 12/08/2018 10:14

Good move OP.

AhoyDelBoy · 12/08/2018 10:15

Yep Bluntness100 but I don’t really view it as ‘going NC’. I wouldn’t invite them back to scoff food at mine and I wouldn’t visit as thurs miserable hosts. I would see them elsewhere though (family events etc) but why invite them back? They’re rude, stingy people, no thanks.

woodhill · 12/08/2018 10:16

Thanks Ham this poor man on it had no money or food hence suggestion

CornishFairing · 12/08/2018 10:16

Perhaps the ops DH wants to buy the subway as a treat to apologise for parents horrid behaviour! I cannot believe that they honestly thought the food they were providing was adequate , esp of the father is stealth eating hot cross buns. It all seems a bit toxic and controlling to me.

My dad and his wife were like this. A few condiments and old yoghurts in the fridge , bits in the freezer but nothing to make a meal off and you wouldn't really want to raid the freezer as a guest would you. I cannot abide it! When we face guests I do a huge online shop - breakfast things , filling meal options so there is plenty , drinks and decent snacks . I also regularly offer food/drinks and (if it's family / people staying for a while) show people where snacks are are and say "please help yourselves if you are hungry I really don't mind!!" . I would hate for people to go hungry in my house like I have in others.

It's just rude!!

GreenTulips · 12/08/2018 10:16

It does sound misrable - my kids love subway and see it as a real treat. Nothing wrong with that!

I would tell them - my MIL always rang and asked what the kids liked for breakfast and got that in for them, normal sandwiches for lunch and something simple for tea they all liked -

Glad your going home

PattiStanger · 12/08/2018 10:16

What a frustrating read, you need to explain clearly. You asking for food isn't the same as explaining to issue to them. If you're happy to stop seeing them don't beat about the bush making the problem crystal clear.

TheWernethWife · 12/08/2018 10:16

My daughter and grandchildren often come for a few days, I cook stuff and fill the freezer so that we can go out for the day and not worry about cooking dinner when we get home. I also have toiletries in the bathroom for them, they only have to bring tooth stuff. That's what being a grandma is all about, welcoming family.

AhoyDelBoy · 12/08/2018 10:17

Thurs = they’re

Gildashairflick · 12/08/2018 10:17

On the flip side I had il's go out and buy bread buns and crisps to eat gorge on 30 minutes before I was about to serve a massive meal I'd spent all afternoon making. No has ever left my house hungry before. I over cater as I'd be mortified if I hadn't provided enough. They had already had a massive full English (two of everything plus numerous rounds of toast), a vat of chunky homemade soup with unlimited bread rolls for lunch. Every cup of tea was served with biscuits or cake (something I never normally do). Fridge and cupboards full and open to anyone. Yet they still went to the shop to buy stuff to make crisp sandwiches (I had crisps in the cupboard). This kind of behaviour explains their morbid obesity and their distinct lack of manners. That said, I'd be packing up and leaving if I was OP. That level of hunger will affect your thinking eventually! At the lady who made cut and come back cake - I'm intrigued, what is that?

Bluntness100 · 12/08/2018 10:19

I would see them elsewhere though (family events etc) but why invite them back

Becayse rhey are still her husbands parents, they are still her children's grandparents, there have been no apparent issues other than this that we are aware of and it's just food. Yes they have been stingy. But I certainly wouldn't cut close family out for this. I get others would though.

MidniteScribbler · 12/08/2018 10:22

“mum, dad why didn’t you buy any food in for your grandchildren”?

Or how about, "OP, why didn't you buy any food for your children?". So much bloody fuss. If they're hungry, just go and buy something for your children. And now the comments about no shampoo being provided. I suspect you are actually a lot of hard work, and trying to create drama.

MoreProsecco · 12/08/2018 10:22

OP, Once you're fed, home & have calmed down, it's maybe time to reflect on the situation.

What's the background to this? You elucidated to it when mentioned them allowing your DH to starve at Uni. There is clearly more to this.

Guienne · 12/08/2018 10:23

What has your DH told his parents about your reasons for cutting the visit short? What was their reaction?

Feb2018mumma · 12/08/2018 10:23

My MIL always makes enough for everyone... We visit once a week but every meal is enough for 8 incase we pop in... Used to be annoying as felt guilty not going more, but definitely better than no food at all!!!!