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Staying at in-laws with dc and there is no food

960 replies

daytimemom · 11/08/2018 16:30

Arrived at in-laws with DH (their son) and our two dc’s. For context, they are very well off. Live in huge house in the country, spend six months a year on cruises, have new car etc.

This is the first time we have visited them in their new house. Normally they stay at our house where we cook meals for them, provide wine and snacks and generally be very hospitable. They certainly enjoy all our food and drink.

This is what they served DH and I for dinner; two small roast potato’s, one small parsnip, teaspoon of peas and carrots, three slices of chicken. Our dc who are 11 and 12 had the same but with one roast potato rather than two. Dessert was one scoop of ice cream. DH asked if he could have another scoop but was told no as the carton (think Ben & Jerry’s small sized carton) had to last them a week.

By evening the dc were ravenous. I asked mil if dc could have a slice of toast or cereal. Was told they only had muesli and one small loaf of brown seeded bread. DC do not like either. I asked if there was any fruit was told no. DH asked if there was a bag of crisps, again no.

I’m not proud of this but DH and I went through the fridge and cupboards trying to find something to eat but the cupboards were literally bare.

DH went out this morning to buy some bread, cheese etc (which fil helped himself too) and I suggested to mil we go out to dinner but she insisted she is cooking. Dreading another tiny meal & the dc’s being hungry.

DH said they are just being tight by not spending money on food and drink. I quite frankly want to go home. Simple things like they knew we were coming but the bathroom had no towels or soap, no mirror or lamp in guest bedroom. Could they not have bought some cornflakes & snacks knowing most kids don’t eat muesli!

They have always been mean with money, poor DH as a uni student was penniless living off toast and pawning his stuff while his parents refused and financial assistance.

OP posts:
MarthasGinYard · 12/08/2018 09:44

'He has promised to buy us a Subway smile at the services on the way home (long drive ahead)'

I'd detour to nearest gastro pub and enjoy three courses

NameChange30 · 12/08/2018 09:45

Yes I found that weird too! I’d definitely find a gastro pub en route!

trojanpony · 12/08/2018 09:45

pollyfliderz

I think she is just excited to get to eat a whole sandwich and not have to share it with 5 other people

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woodhill · 12/08/2018 09:49

What a shame your DH can't say anything but it can be awkward even as adults to have the conversation

Surprised they have no eggs

PollyFlinderz · 12/08/2018 09:49

It’s the ‘promised’ bit that struck me. Not that they were stopping at Subway.

daytimemom · 12/08/2018 09:52

We are Subway fanatics in our house, so the thought of a Subway for lunch is keeping me going.

I guess DH in some small way is trying to make up for his miserly parents. DH is very generous & is embarrassed by his parents tightness but unfortunately he won’t actually say anything to them directly like “mum, dad why didn’t you buy any food in for your grandchildren”?

I will look into buying those books about toxic parents which a poster helpfully suggested.

I will not be inviting them to my house again. If DH wants to see them he will have to visit them on his own which I doubt he will want to do.

OP posts:
LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 12/08/2018 09:53

I really like reading all these posts about grandmas and mums who 'have nothing in' and produce delicious miracles out of thin air. Graphista's post was like a story book, lovely!

I'd never heard of a 'cut and come again cake' but what a lovely reference...

I hope OP and husband and kids are home now or on their way. I'm not going to name-call her in-laws as they're family and mostly, however 'wrong' they are, they're your 'wrong-uns^. I think people forget that sometimes in their glee to offer 'support'.

diddl · 12/08/2018 09:53

Their attitude is so awful it's sad.

If nothing else they could have said that they didn't know what to get & could you bring your own stuff.

But to not care enough to do that...

They don't really care about your husband, do they?

isittheholidaysyet · 12/08/2018 09:53

I'm on a big family holiday with DP's, sisters their partners and a few hundred kids.

Just had a discussion with my DF about the size of rice portions. He reckons we've bought twice the amount we need.
I first pointed out that 5 of the kids eat adult sized portions now. And then that most of us eat far more than him and DM do these days.

He still doesn't believe me...I will be cooking with him, I think!

Gwenhwyfar · 12/08/2018 09:54

"no mirror or lamp in guest bedroom"

Not this again. Lots of people don't have a mirror and lamp in the guest bedroom. Why can't you use the bathroom mirror? I actually have a mirror in the bedroom, but it's hardly a necessity.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 12/08/2018 09:55

x-posted with you OP. You have to do what's ok for you - and your husband who obviously has his own demons to banish there.

PollyFlinderz · 12/08/2018 09:57

poster daytimemom Sun 12-Aug-18 09:52:52
We are Subway fanatics in our house, so the thought of a Subway for lunch is keeping me going

Thank you Smile. I hope it’s the best sandwich you’ve ever had.

ScrambledSmegs · 12/08/2018 09:57

It seems so strange to me, both my parents and DH's try to feed us from the moment we arrive to the moment we leave.

However DMIL recently told me about a visit to some old friends of theirs. They ate out the night they arrived, had a lovely meal. Got up early for a bike ride. Arrived back pretty hungry Then... no breakfast. MIL asked eventually and was told that they never ate breakfast, and as was becoming apparent, lunch wasn't on the cards either Confused. DFIL needs to eat reasonably frequently and was feeling unwell so they raided the kitchen and discovered friends had no food in. He had to make do with a rather old looking apple while DMIL did a quick trip to the local Spar. Funnily enough friends discovered their appetites when she'd made lunch. Cheap bastards. DMIL thought it was funny but she's a very kind woman.

Bluntness100 · 12/08/2018 09:57

Hmm. It's got a bit odd now to be honest. Ok they were miserly with food, but seriously they aren't allowed to your house? You're going no contact over this? He has to see them on his own? That's a bit much. These are his parents and your kids grandparents.

And i Don't get thr subway thing either. It's hardly generous and why is your husband getting it, why is it not " we are getting a subway on the way home" and why did he go shopping for bread and cheese? It sounds like he controls the money?

MarthasGinYard · 12/08/2018 09:59

'but seriously they aren't allowed to your house? You're going no contact over this? He has to see them on his own? '

That does all seem rather OTT

daytimemom · 12/08/2018 09:59

gwen there was no mirror in the bathroom or the bedroom. I haven’t been able to do my makeup or hair properly for days! There is a mirror in the lounge though. I don’t really feel comfortable slapping on my face cream in the lounge while mil and fil watch tv.

There were no towels or hand wash in the bathroom either. DH has to ask and one small hand towel and a bar of soap was produced. DH bought some shampoo when he bought the bread so we could at least wash our hair.

OP posts:
carbuncleonapigsposterior · 12/08/2018 09:59

Ridiculous! presumably they had growing child/ren once and should be well aware of how much they eat. I always get extra food in when our young grand children are coming to ours for a few meals, one has to have gluten free products, which can be expensive, but I'd never begrudge buying gluten free bread and pasta, I'd hate her to leave ours hungry, the other one doesn't really like our choice of wholemeal bread, so I get him an alternative. You really must give them a taste of their own medicine OP, when next you host them at your home.

woodhill · 12/08/2018 10:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ihopeyourcakeisshit · 12/08/2018 10:02

There's some definite over thinking of the Subway comment going on here from some people.Confused
Hope you enjoy the rest of your time off OP, now get home and get fed!

LoniceraJaponica · 12/08/2018 10:03

Are you going to tell them why you are lleaving early?
You should. They will never change their ways if they think it is OK to underfeed guests.

MingeUterusMingeMingeYoni · 12/08/2018 10:03

The fact of the matter is that most of the UK is either overweight or getting overweight.

Most 50+ people are aware of this and cook appropriately for their families. It's something you get aware of as you get older. Junk food is a no-no in the house of pearls. There would be no crisps or whatever. Just what you are served.

If you don't like the homecooked food on offer, in adequately sized portions, you are perfectly at liberty to go and stuff your faces from the nearest takeaway.

There are a number of problem with this thesis:

  1. You're confusing small portions with healthy. Not the same thing. One of the meals mentioned here featured a couple of teaspoons of veg, for example. Which is not enough. If you think a teaspoon or two of veg is adequate, you need to rethink your consumption levels.
  1. They do eat junk, witness FILs hot cross bun.
  1. They don't eat like this at OPs, and spend 6 months of the year in an environment where there is a lot of food. That is, there is no reason to think this is their normal eating pattern rather than something specifically put on for guests. Which may have something to do with the next point...
  1. They're not thin. This indicates that they're eating more than the meals currently provided. And we know FIL is, since he has a stash and is consuming some of theirs too.
MarthasGinYard · 12/08/2018 10:03

'There is a mirror in the lounge though. I don’t really feel comfortable slapping on my face cream in the lounge while mil and fil watch tv.'

Why? If there is no bathroom mirror then I'm sure that's fine to use that

diddl · 12/08/2018 10:03

"You're going no contact over this? "

It's not just about the food though is it?

It's their whole nasty attitude.

PollyFlinderz · 12/08/2018 10:04

I will not be inviting them to my house again. If DH wants to see them he will have to visit them on his own which I doubt he will want to do

Try not to be too hasty Op. You’re understandably very angry and hurt so perhaps take a step back from the whole thing for a few weeks before trying try to work out a way forward that doesn’t include people going no contact because there really wasn’t an attempt by anyone to make visits better.

MarthasGinYard · 12/08/2018 10:05

'DH bought some shampoo when he bought the bread so we could at least wash our hair.'

Do you always use your hosts shampoo when you stay at other peoples houses etc?

We take our own toiletries

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