Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Staying at in-laws with dc and there is no food

960 replies

daytimemom · 11/08/2018 16:30

Arrived at in-laws with DH (their son) and our two dc’s. For context, they are very well off. Live in huge house in the country, spend six months a year on cruises, have new car etc.

This is the first time we have visited them in their new house. Normally they stay at our house where we cook meals for them, provide wine and snacks and generally be very hospitable. They certainly enjoy all our food and drink.

This is what they served DH and I for dinner; two small roast potato’s, one small parsnip, teaspoon of peas and carrots, three slices of chicken. Our dc who are 11 and 12 had the same but with one roast potato rather than two. Dessert was one scoop of ice cream. DH asked if he could have another scoop but was told no as the carton (think Ben & Jerry’s small sized carton) had to last them a week.

By evening the dc were ravenous. I asked mil if dc could have a slice of toast or cereal. Was told they only had muesli and one small loaf of brown seeded bread. DC do not like either. I asked if there was any fruit was told no. DH asked if there was a bag of crisps, again no.

I’m not proud of this but DH and I went through the fridge and cupboards trying to find something to eat but the cupboards were literally bare.

DH went out this morning to buy some bread, cheese etc (which fil helped himself too) and I suggested to mil we go out to dinner but she insisted she is cooking. Dreading another tiny meal & the dc’s being hungry.

DH said they are just being tight by not spending money on food and drink. I quite frankly want to go home. Simple things like they knew we were coming but the bathroom had no towels or soap, no mirror or lamp in guest bedroom. Could they not have bought some cornflakes & snacks knowing most kids don’t eat muesli!

They have always been mean with money, poor DH as a uni student was penniless living off toast and pawning his stuff while his parents refused and financial assistance.

OP posts:
HolyMountain · 12/08/2018 08:55

... and your PiL wouldn’t help your Dh out when he was at university so he had to pawn his possessions in order to live, that’s fucking awful.

AdoreTheBeach · 12/08/2018 08:58

When I read the headline, tdminddd me of s bidit I had my my mother/ where she went next door to the neighbours, saying I had no food in my house, told all my relatives too. This was close to 20 years ago. She came to visit in UK from another country (I’m not British), to help my au pair look after our children while we went on a cruise to celebrate a special wedding anniversary. I worked full time and used home delivery for food. I had a huge shop arriving about an hour and a half from her arrival time (think Heathrow traffic, immigration queues do you’ll see why the plan as no slots available before). I bought a number of pastries the night before, had OJ and apple juice, a large tub of yogurt, various cereals, plums, apples, bannanas, brown bread, butter, marmalade, milk (whole), various teas and coffee. I had three small children do lots of things in the house, but specifically these things for breakfast.

My mother suddenly doesn’t eat pastries , won’t eat yogirt spooning out of a large tub as it must be single serving small tubs, my plums were to hard for her and didn’t like my type of apple, didn’t fancy banana, would only have coffee that morning and as I am the only one in the house who drinks coffee I only had instant or my cafetière (which she knew how to use, but apparently refused to use it) doesn’t eat brown bread, nor drink OJ if it’s not fresh squeezed. Wont have anything other than skimmed milk. After collecting her early morning, I’d shown her everything and left for work. Got in to work to a ranting voicemail about no food in my house and having gone to my neighbour for food. Thankfully, my neighbour would’ve seen my regular weekly food deliveries and my little children (nor me) looked like we were starving.

I thought OP might be like this. Wow! Who doesnt get food in when people are visiting? You always hear of grandparents spoiling the kids, too much food, too many sweets. But this? Going forward, bring lots of food if you do decide to visit. I certainly would not plan visiting them for Xmas lunch,

FarrahMoan · 12/08/2018 08:59

Reading this I feel both nostalgic for my gran's farmhouse kitchen but also slightly guilty, that maybe if I adopted the eating habits of some of these parents I wouldn't be quite so overweight.

duggeeswoggle I'm sure I remember being served cauliflower cheese as a meal in my childhood. I'd be happy to eat a BIG bowl of it for dinner now tbh but would welcome the addition of crispy bacon. Yum

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

youarenotkiddingme · 12/08/2018 09:08

Please tell me you've had breakfast and are about to take the 45 minute journey to supermarket for when it opens at 10!

Or you're packed up ready to go home Grin

DuggeesWoggle · 12/08/2018 09:09

We never had it Farrar as we were fussy buggers that wouldn't eat much veg so I don't really know how it would generally be served but I was just a bit Confused at the thought of just cauliflower which isn't very filling and cheese sauce. I'm with you, bacon makes everything better but mil is veggie so DH wouldn't have had that pleasure either!

anewyear · 12/08/2018 09:12

Are you still there op, or did you go home?

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 12/08/2018 09:15

I never understand these threads. I'm sure they are embellished for attention. The amount of food given initially wouldn't have even filled a side plate. Are there really people who would offer that and are there people who would take it and not say anything at the time?!

MrsAidanTurner · 12/08/2018 09:16

Great duck another thread your struggling to understand or believe.

motortroll · 12/08/2018 09:18

My in laws do this to an extent. We have them trained after 15 years but they do still insist on serving salad for lunch of which my kids will eat none. When my husbands nephew stayed as a 13 year old he called his dad (in oz) cos he was starving (salad for lunch again!) and my dh has to call them and tell them to buy some snacks!

My in laws are old and don't eat much. They've forgotten what normal people eat! Last time we stayed I was marathon training...I ate them out of house and home lol

They're also obsessed with people being fat which is extremely eyerolly!! They called my kids greedy once and I told them off...they're just normal kids!

I don't think it's as unusual as you think and I don't think it's personal or intentionally rude. They've just forgotten what feeding a family is like. Just tell them and go and buy some snacks!! We also usually cook one night and go for a meal/takeaway another night (without inlaws lol)

DHs bro over from oz for first time in 12 years....we sent him to their house with a bag of snacks ha ha!!

Blankscreen · 12/08/2018 09:22

My fil and his wife are like this. We went round once for boxing day and there was literally no food literally scraps of left over chicken. (too tight to buy a turkey) 1 bake in the oven demi baguette and a bit of limp salad.

Ds was starving and was asking for some toast. I said in a loud voice " of course grandad won't mind you having some toast darling".

FIL wasn't happy but couldn't really say no. I think he got one slice.

Thankfully we weren't staying overnight and went home via McDonald's.

Just a tught arse nd I refuse to go round there now for food.

LoniceraJaponica · 12/08/2018 09:25

MrsAidanTurner I struggle to understand why guests allow their hosts to starve them as well. If I was still hungry I would say so - politely of course. Then if no more food was forthcoming I would make plans to go shopping. I would not be rude, but say something along the lines of "you clearly have a much smaller appetite than we do, so if you don't mind, I am going shopping. What can I bring back for you?"

daytimemom · 12/08/2018 09:27

We are leaving today. I cannot stand the lack of food situation for one more minute.

I asked mil if she had any jam/peanut butter/cheese spread in fact any sort of spread to liven up our toast and she looked at me like I’d grown two heads. “Why would we have any of that”? She said. I felt like throttling her.

I asked if she had any eggs so I could make myself a boiled egg and again the puzzled look.

I told DH I can’t stand staying here another minute worrying about no food for the dc’s lunch and dinner.

What sort of grandparents invite their only grandchildren to visit and buy nothing in? Regardless about what some people think about snacks being unnecessary they haven’t provided even basic amounts of food.

I can’t wait to get home to a fully stocked kitchen & I have told DH I will not be visiting his parents again. Poor DH is embarrassed but feels unable to confront his tight, mean parents.

He has promised to buy us a Subway Smile at the services on the way home (long drive ahead)

OP posts:
AjasLipstick · 12/08/2018 09:28

Duck I routinely eat that amount in a meal. Three slices of chicken and 2 potatoes is plenty.

But I do understand that other people are able to and want to eat more. So I do try to make sure there's more on offer for guests. I let people serve themselves.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 12/08/2018 09:28

Sod off AidenTurner.

On every thread where PILs have starved their family while they stay over, they never speak up, they never go out for something to eat, they never go to the shop and stock up and they never go home early.

You'd do all of the above if you were being starved surely.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 12/08/2018 09:29

OP you know what's in the cupboard as you've been through them haven't you? Confused

daytimemom · 12/08/2018 09:33

To the posters who have said we should say something about the lack of food, we have, several times! I have requested fruit/cereal/toast for the dc and have been offered bran flakes because all children love bran flakes Hmm

DH in front of both parents said he would have to go to a shop to buy bread, cheese etc for our dc’s as his parents have nothing in for them.

If it was me I would be ashamed that my own child had to find a shop to purchase some food for my own hungry grandchildren. I would have said, let me come with you son, show me what your family would like to eat and I will buy it.

Not these miserly people.

Can you tell I’m angry Angry DH and I have wasted some of our previous time off together with our dc at Cold Comfort Farm!!!

OP posts:
MaverickSnoopy · 12/08/2018 09:33

I really feel like there's more to this than meets the eye. Only in the respect that there's a reason the outlaws are doing this - I'm doubtful it's because they're secretly poor or have small appetites. They know how much you eat as they have stayed with you before. It's very weird!

trojanpony · 12/08/2018 09:39

🎉🎉🎉

Thank god - what an awful people!
It’s like she wants you to be as uncomfortable as possible Confused

They clearly have form for control and abuse and this is not an oversight particularly given their behaviour to your DH at uni.

Please also rethink their visits to you and the hospitality you offer those ingrates.

Bluntness100 · 12/08/2018 09:39

Op do they know why you're leaving?

shoelaces · 12/08/2018 09:39

I have the same situation with my DM. Literally every single time I/we visit I have to pack basics with me, like cereal, milk, marg jam etc. Then go to the supermarket as soon as we get there and have surveyed what else is needed. It's been like this for more than 20 yrs. she does sometimes ask if she should get some bananas in for my DC. She will then proudly display 2 small bananas in a bowl on the window ledge for all to see.

I think it's much easier to accept this than get angry and refuse future visits. When DM stays with us, she will copy what I eat and nothing more. Then go out and binge on snacks before coming home again. She has food issues that has been passed on to me. I'm actively trying to avoid DC from experiencing the same.

NameChange30 · 12/08/2018 09:39

Thank god you’re all going home.
After you’ve got a few good meals in you perhaps you could talk to your DH about his parents, how he feels about them and what you are each willing and not willing to tolerate in future.
As I suspect this is not the only dysfunctional behaviour, I suggest he reads “Toxic Parents” and you read “Toxic In-Laws”, both by Susan Forward and excellent books.

MarthasGinYard · 12/08/2018 09:41

You need to take the Robert Poste dc to subway ASAP Grin

LaContessaDiPlump · 12/08/2018 09:41

Have you told them yet that your family is leaving today, OP?

WindyWednesday · 12/08/2018 09:42

I understand this. We’ve been treated like this and now don’t go and visit.

MIL and FIL eat different meals and have their own food. All very strange. There is no family food, so when we arrive there’s nothing to eat. No bread, maybe a bit of fruit, but zero.

I have to take food and eat it in the bedroom. I stopped once DC we’re old enough to realise it wasn’t normal to have secret meals at Granny’s house. I don’t understand why, but I’m sure it is miserly behaviour. They expect DH to take them out for slap up meals and plenty of wine because “he can afford it”.

Feeding your guests is basic manners. Otherwise you feel unwanted and unwelcome.

PollyFlinderz · 12/08/2018 09:42

He has promised to buy us a Subway smile at the services on the way home (long drive ahead)

Op, there’s just something about the way you’ve written this that makes me think did he really promise to buy subway, why did he have to promise to buy it, and why do you seem so pleased he’s promised to’?

Is it a big deal for him to buy something like a subway?