This was the one issue I had with my ex in-laws.
But in their case they were genuinely oblivious.
Mil had always been a sahm/housewife and not really physically active with it and very slim so not much appetite.
Fil had retired from his active job just before I met dh and his appetite reduced as a result. But now exh was good at calling them on it in a jolly way. They'd then be apologetic and "oh help yourself! Have some bread and butter or potato salad or whatever to fill you up." Unbeknownst to ex or me his sister and bil had been meekly accepting their portions for years! Then we had a visit coincide and bil witnessed exh reminding them to increase portions or make extra bits available and bil was amazed! Said to me in an aside "I've been starving for years when we've visited sil wouldn't let us say anything!" Knowing my in laws this would have saddened them so we just kept saying about us younger ones living more active lives than them and needing more calories and eventually they got the hint and started serving up bigger portions and making sure more snacks were available etc.
All that said - reading the op inc the bare cupboards comment reminded me we had a visit with them where the small portions returned and there was a feeling of tension we couldn't put our finger on - turned out they'd fallen for a scam and it had totally screwed their finances for about a year. (Or so they thought - lots of difficult conversations led to us discovering they weren't claiming things they could and were eg paying for prescriptions when they were eligible for free etc we were also able to help them do other things to save money that they were nervous of doing like changing their utility suppliers, going to a different supermarket and so on) They'd been embarrassed to say anything. When their DC found out (4 all working all in decent paid jobs and savvy enough to help them out of they'd only asked) they were sad and a bit angry they'd not said anything.
Long story short - are you ABSOLUTELY CERTAIN op that they're not struggling financially? Due to a change in circumstances? Overextended themselves somewhere? Trying to maintain an image they can no longer afford?
Although not being prepared in terms of towels etc too is odd. We seemed to get deluged with extra bedding, pillows, towels when visiting our lot. I once woke literally sweating in mum's house cos she'd decided I 'looked chilly' while sleeping and added 2 blankets to my quilt - it was August!
If nothing else querying this as a matter of concern could at least get them to admit if they are just being tight gits!
Mind you my grandparents were properly poor and still would have been utterly ashamed not to feed visiting guests until bursting! Mums the same now. But I've a feeling that's regional/cultural. Scots Irish Catholic families used to going to each other's houses every 5 minutes and if you're the visitor being positively plied with drinks, snacks, full 3 course meals! Even if you'd popped round just after Christmas or Easter dinner! I don't think I ever escaped a visit to either gran without having at least 3 cuppas, a sandwich and 2 cakes!
"always a pan of soup on the stove and a cake on the table" same here - same background? My mum still always has a CAULDRON of soup on the go at all times and there's only her and dad at home and dad barely eats now (not well).
"cut and come again cake" omg not heard of that phrase since my lovely mum's mum passed
Dd is very slim but not unhealthily so, and has never had a big appetite - it worries mum no end "that child doesn't eat enough to fill a stick insect!" 😂 but then she'll say that after she's fed her a sandwich, packet of crisps, yogurt and an apple and can of juice - BETWEEN mealtimes (dd then gets home and doesn't need dinner!)
"My granny is the opposite, you're force fed from the minute you walk in the door." 😂😂 that's how mine were - hadn't even got coat off before a cuppa was shoved in your hand and the biscuit tin presented! Geez let me get a seat first!
So I'd argue the perception older generations didn't snack is false. My parents are in their 70's, my grandparents if they were still around would be in their 90's and my great gran who was alive until I was 10 who'd be 120 now, the first thing she said to her daughter when guests arrived was 'where's the tea and cakes? we must have tea and cakes' admittedly probably as much so she could partake she had quite a sweet tooth. 😉
All 4 could cook and bake well and did so without measuring devices of any kind, no scales or anything I can't even make decent scones that rise with a recipe book, YouTube video, measuring spoons and scales and the best ingredients! 🙄
We surprised my gran once and she was 😱 I've nothing in! - within 5 mins tea poured, batch of scones in the oven, soup started and tatties being peeled, within half an hour we'd had soup, sausages mash and neeps, scones and homemade jam for pudding! For 7!
I once asked mum how she managed to stay slim when living at home with gran baking and doing fry ups and soup (with large crusty rolls and thick spreads of butter) on the go all the time - she reminded me she had a father and 3 brothers who usually got to it before she and the sisters!
To be fair visiting us ex mil did have a quiet word with me about not piling fil's plate so much. He was clearing his plate as a good manners thing but as it was too much for him it was making him have a dodgy tummy but he was too embarrassed to say anything. I took it on board but also made sure he knew he could get some toast or fruit or another snack if he was hungry later. He never did.
"playing Fawlty Towers." 😂😂stealing that!
All the mention of ungenerous but wealthy folk reminds me of my granpas favourite sayings:
"There's nae wallet in a shroud"
"The rich are rich because they're loathe to spend it!" Borne out by several studies in recent years too.
Actually given they're "not thin" as pp said they've maybe been told to cut down (recent diagnosis of diabetes or heart disease?) and fil isn't sticking to it so mil's cleared the decks to remove temptation? Still no excuse but perhaps an explanation?
That's a really interesting article MissConductUS (loving your posts) I've saved the link for other threads. Applies to so many situations.
"And mine is always even smaller than DH's" ahhh you must be new here, this is the "penis portion hypothesis"
Is dh their only child?