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Staying at in-laws with dc and there is no food

960 replies

daytimemom · 11/08/2018 16:30

Arrived at in-laws with DH (their son) and our two dc’s. For context, they are very well off. Live in huge house in the country, spend six months a year on cruises, have new car etc.

This is the first time we have visited them in their new house. Normally they stay at our house where we cook meals for them, provide wine and snacks and generally be very hospitable. They certainly enjoy all our food and drink.

This is what they served DH and I for dinner; two small roast potato’s, one small parsnip, teaspoon of peas and carrots, three slices of chicken. Our dc who are 11 and 12 had the same but with one roast potato rather than two. Dessert was one scoop of ice cream. DH asked if he could have another scoop but was told no as the carton (think Ben & Jerry’s small sized carton) had to last them a week.

By evening the dc were ravenous. I asked mil if dc could have a slice of toast or cereal. Was told they only had muesli and one small loaf of brown seeded bread. DC do not like either. I asked if there was any fruit was told no. DH asked if there was a bag of crisps, again no.

I’m not proud of this but DH and I went through the fridge and cupboards trying to find something to eat but the cupboards were literally bare.

DH went out this morning to buy some bread, cheese etc (which fil helped himself too) and I suggested to mil we go out to dinner but she insisted she is cooking. Dreading another tiny meal & the dc’s being hungry.

DH said they are just being tight by not spending money on food and drink. I quite frankly want to go home. Simple things like they knew we were coming but the bathroom had no towels or soap, no mirror or lamp in guest bedroom. Could they not have bought some cornflakes & snacks knowing most kids don’t eat muesli!

They have always been mean with money, poor DH as a uni student was penniless living off toast and pawning his stuff while his parents refused and financial assistance.

OP posts:
Bowlofbabelfish · 11/08/2018 21:15

But don't blame me if you are fat.

According to OP they are all a normal weight. Growing kids need food - we were all rail thin as teens and ate like horses. All good home cooked stuff, very little to no rubbish.

This isn’t a bunch of greedy people needing to scoff constantly - the MIL and FIL eat loads when they visit. This sounds like using food to control.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 11/08/2018 21:16

No tiptoeing around the elephant in the room.

They have probably cooked the elephant in the room. But they don't want to share it. That's why they don't mention it.

I expect it's in the freezer in the garage.

DoinItForTheKids · 11/08/2018 21:17

And I bet on these cruises they go on they bloody stuff themselves!!! I bet you they do.

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rookiemere · 11/08/2018 21:18

My parents are a bit like this. It's not that they aren't hospitable in their case ( may not be the case for OP) but they eat at home very sparsely- they share a prepared meal for one between them - and my DM genuinely can't believe our appetites. Once they had prepared some pasta for DSs main meal and for us to share as a carb - DS saw the small bowl and promptly put it all on his plate.
Oh and they have these weirdy moomjn sized glasses for wine , think you'd get about 12 glasse to the bottle.

Weirdly they too eat very heartily when at our house or if we're out for a meal. I think they are just used to cooking tiny amounts.

MaverickSnoopy · 11/08/2018 21:19

I'm not buying it. FIL is clearly hungry, so possibly this is not the norm?

Is MIL normal in every other capacity?

Starlight345 · 11/08/2018 21:19

I have had a normal tea but could eat cheese on toast now.

What are they providing for breakfast and lunch ?

Travelledtheworld · 11/08/2018 21:21

My parents were like this too. They were elderley and just didn't eat much .They just didn't realise how much pre teens need to eat. Do your own shopping and offer to cook !

MrsAidanTurner · 11/08/2018 21:25

greenlanes the op is upset and offended by her host, they starved their dh at uni etc.

Why is the onus on them not to ruin relations any further? Op, her dh and her dc are thier family too. Why are they putting them under this strain by not feeding them, not picking up on queues that there isn't enough food... And not opening up about the lack of food. Who knows maybe they want dh to ask because they are in dire straights and too embraced to say?

BlueAnemone · 11/08/2018 21:25

45m to the nearest supermarket? Wonderful, that'll get you away from them for at least two hours.

Seriously though, why not be honest? If there's major fallout then do be it, but your children will appreciate you for standing up to this nonsense. And it may even help their self-respect. Because at the moment it sounds like they're getting the message that their feelings of being hungry don't really matter.

hamandpease · 11/08/2018 21:28

Noooo just read the whole thing and no cheese on toast update? 😂

SchadenfreudePersonified · 11/08/2018 21:28

I read through 11 pages hoping to find pictures

Ellie is right - we need a diagram (to scale) showing the plate, the sliver of chicken, the minuscule roast potato, the eleven peas etc. We need to see the amount of white space on the plate so that the doubters on here can see the full extent of the horror.

A sketch FIL devouring a hot cross bun would also be a welcome addition.

Get the felt-tips out OP

Clankboing · 11/08/2018 21:30

I am hungry for you OP!!

Pixie2015 · 11/08/2018 21:31

Early exit and go home doesn’t sound like much fun for the children - nothing worse than being hungry after a meal

SchadenfreudePersonified · 11/08/2018 21:34

That's not very Christian

I admit that I have no claims to sainthood, Babies Grin

Shampooeeee · 11/08/2018 21:37

yy to a diagram!

00100001 · 11/08/2018 21:39

Pics or it didn't happen

mistlethrush · 11/08/2018 21:40

Definitely hide the loaf. Don't share the cheese on toast either... Frankly I would get a pizza or something that you can cook as an 'extra' for tomorrow's meal and simply share it out between the 4 of you.

Powerless · 11/08/2018 21:42

Are you still alive OP?

If so, try get a Kendal Mint Cake from Londis to graze on. Keep your sugar levels up at least.

On a serious note, please don't let your kids suffer just to avoid the awkwardness of confronting them properly about it or buying some actual food. Who actually cares if they're offended if your children are hungry?!

Lunde · 11/08/2018 21:43

I feel sorry for you OP

In the morning I would either
a. give up and go home
b. tell ILs you are making a supermarket expedition run and while out shopping find a nice cafe for a full English or lunch so you can survive until doll's tea party dinner.

How did the cheese on toast go?

Ceebs85 · 11/08/2018 21:52

get thyselves to Tesco and keep it in your room! Watch FIL drool

llangennith · 11/08/2018 21:53

Go home or do a big Tesco shop asa they open tomorrow. Tell inlaws that your family are big eaters. I know they're not, they're normal, but it might help.

RoseTheHatt · 11/08/2018 22:01

God I hate meanness.

DontDribbleOnTheCarpet · 11/08/2018 22:18

My parents have some weird attitudes to food, and one of them is that the adults get all the best stuff and the kids gets very little of much lesser quality food, because children don't deserve more expensive food, but they do. They have no problem with eating steak while we all are served a fish finger each. And I'm not a bloody kid, I'm 45!
Sometimes the attitudes stick even when the children are parents themselves though. My parents also have a very "us and them" attitude to their children, and have always somehow seen us as the enemy.
To be honest, I'd find it all exhausting and just go home. This visit doesn't sound like fun for anyone.

Melliegrantfirstlady · 11/08/2018 22:20

Op maybe in a food coma? Smile

BuntyII · 11/08/2018 22:30

@Thesearepearls don't blame us if no one ever wants to stay at yours!

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