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Staying at in-laws with dc and there is no food

960 replies

daytimemom · 11/08/2018 16:30

Arrived at in-laws with DH (their son) and our two dc’s. For context, they are very well off. Live in huge house in the country, spend six months a year on cruises, have new car etc.

This is the first time we have visited them in their new house. Normally they stay at our house where we cook meals for them, provide wine and snacks and generally be very hospitable. They certainly enjoy all our food and drink.

This is what they served DH and I for dinner; two small roast potato’s, one small parsnip, teaspoon of peas and carrots, three slices of chicken. Our dc who are 11 and 12 had the same but with one roast potato rather than two. Dessert was one scoop of ice cream. DH asked if he could have another scoop but was told no as the carton (think Ben & Jerry’s small sized carton) had to last them a week.

By evening the dc were ravenous. I asked mil if dc could have a slice of toast or cereal. Was told they only had muesli and one small loaf of brown seeded bread. DC do not like either. I asked if there was any fruit was told no. DH asked if there was a bag of crisps, again no.

I’m not proud of this but DH and I went through the fridge and cupboards trying to find something to eat but the cupboards were literally bare.

DH went out this morning to buy some bread, cheese etc (which fil helped himself too) and I suggested to mil we go out to dinner but she insisted she is cooking. Dreading another tiny meal & the dc’s being hungry.

DH said they are just being tight by not spending money on food and drink. I quite frankly want to go home. Simple things like they knew we were coming but the bathroom had no towels or soap, no mirror or lamp in guest bedroom. Could they not have bought some cornflakes & snacks knowing most kids don’t eat muesli!

They have always been mean with money, poor DH as a uni student was penniless living off toast and pawning his stuff while his parents refused and financial assistance.

OP posts:
WindyWednesday · 11/08/2018 20:36

My pil are like this. I once drank some fruit juice from the breakfast table and was told that was fil juice. It was a litre carton on the table. I thought it was for us.

Now we stay in a bnb down the road and eat out for all meals. Also take food with us.

biscuitmillionaire · 11/08/2018 20:39

I read through 11 pages hoping to find pictures

Great idea! Next meal (if you're still there), say, 'ooh, half a bread roll - lovely! I need to get a pic of this for my instagram, everyone will be amazed'.

Then post on here Smile

Rudi44 · 11/08/2018 20:42

It’s sad. Whenever my DD goes to stay with my mum, nana has been out and stocked up in all DDs favourite foods. She loves to cook for her and gets so much pleasure from it.

Interested in this thread?

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PollyFlinderz · 11/08/2018 20:43

Polly sorry for getting your user name wrong, I was thinking about 'Moll Flanders' not 'Little Polly Flinders'. blush

Moll Flanders??? Now there's an idea Smile

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 11/08/2018 20:46

MrsC that is so terribly sad, I welled up reading that. Your poor dad, poor daughter too, but mostly your dad. :(

crimsonlake you're obviously not miserable reading this as you had a choice. These threads get MASSES of readers. Always.

OP hasn't posted back in a while so perhaps she's handling it. In her own way, which is absolutely her right.

LeftRightCentre · 11/08/2018 20:46

You will never, ever teach these people like this a thing. They were happy to starve their son as a young man. They will never change.

There is nothing awkward about this. Your children are hungry. And they are trapped there. You are not. Stop pandering to them, and your DH who has a form of Stockholm Syndrome, and leave.

Shampooeeee · 11/08/2018 20:46

Go home.
They already know that you’re hungry and they clearly don’t give a shit.

MrsAidanTurner · 11/08/2018 20:47

polly

Do as you would be done by. Tricky here as op is generous, they are stashing food.

What's the appropriate response...

Well if this was how I was treating my adult dc and gc I would welcome some gesture back or a firm chat... Because I would be behaving in an awful awful way.
It may even open up a dialogue.. That they don't want op there..

JessicaJonesJacket · 11/08/2018 20:48

If they've always eaten and cooked like this then you're not going to change them. Just buy in food, share it with them and offer to cook dinner tomorrow night.

LoniceraJaponica · 11/08/2018 20:53

Do you offer to help in the kitchen? Could you peel some extra potatoes and carrots etc?

TheFormidableMrsC · 11/08/2018 20:54

Lying I know...I couldn't get cross with him. He just didn't have a clue, my Mum did everything, it was just how it was then. I (gently) didn't let it happen again until my stepmum came on the scene as at least I knew my DD would be fed! He's no different now, some 15 years on. It is sad, but I couldn't get angry about it, love him!

PollyFlinderz · 11/08/2018 20:55

polly

Do as you would be done by. Tricky here as op is generous, they are stashing food

Honestly, I dont think its tricky. In fact I think its very simple. You go shopping and you prepare a meal for everyone to eat or you put snacks out for everyone to have and the message is relayed that way one way or the other. There's absolutely no need for nastiness. Yes the Op can be angry and spitting feathers (thats if she's not had to eat them) in private and its perfectly understandable that she would be upset and angry. But there's no need at all to make things worse than they are now.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 11/08/2018 20:57

Yes, DH had the top bit of the roll and I had the bottom bit!

I divided a bun like that once, and was publicly castigated for not cutting it down the middle so each of us had a bit of top and bottom.

It honestly hadn't occurred to me.

I though the woman went on about it a bit though - I'd given her the choice of bits. (It was on a retreat at St Oswald's - I didn't know her, she was just another Christian, and there was one spare bun so we decided to share it. I wish I'd just licked it all over now, and told her to help herself.)

Warpdrive · 11/08/2018 20:57

Yes, I would also choose to go out and buy a feast if I were in your place. And bring it back and share it gladly, pleased and thankful that I am not bound up by greed, or stinginess, or control issues.
And I might even get them things to feast on after we had left.
It’s not a competition or rivalry, they’re family, and it is not worth fighting over.

Willow2017 · 11/08/2018 20:57

Its not a generational thing at all its a miserable, stingy thing. They are quite happy to stuff themselves at ops house along with her family without moaning about them there time to return the favour.

I have a relative who is in thier 80s. She has a kitchen full of baking ready for us visiting and meals are never stingy. Quite the opposite. she has fed her own growing kids and grand kids and great grand kids (and next doors kids) and doesnt bat an eyelid about how much people eat even though she can eat very little at a time due to a medical condition.
We always leave stuffed😀

NewUserNameTime · 11/08/2018 20:57

How was this evening?

Emily7708 · 11/08/2018 20:58

I know some people exactly like this and try to put off visiting for as long as possible. It really pisses me off when I spend loads of money entertaining them, and they eat and drink constantly, but then also have to spend loads of money on supplies when we stay with them or otherwise go hungry. It’s just not on.

Aprilshowersinaugust · 11/08/2018 21:00

Find a meal your mil doesn't like and cook it for you, dh, + dc tomorrow night.
Let her +fil make their own.

greenlanes · 11/08/2018 21:03

Whatever the problem here, and I have no idea, you really dont need to be rude to ILs. Some of the pps suggestions could really damage relationships. BUT DH does need to deal with it. So HE needs to speak to HIS parents about kids being hungry etc. Perhaps you could take the kids out whilst he does that?

BabiesComeWithHats · 11/08/2018 21:10

SchadenfreudePersonified That's not very Christian Grin made me laugh a lot though!

Thesearepearls · 11/08/2018 21:10

The fact of the matter is that most of the UK is either overweight or getting overweight.

Most 50+ people are aware of this and cook appropriately for their families. It's something you get aware of as you get older. Junk food is a no-no in the house of pearls. There would be no crisps or whatever. Just what you are served.

If you don't like the homecooked food on offer, in adequately sized portions, you are perfectly at liberty to go and stuff your faces from the nearest takeaway.

But don't blame me if you are fat.

Willow2017 · 11/08/2018 21:13

Tbh i would just go home tomorrow. What a misersble way to treat guests especially close family.

If they ask why tell them straight that you are not spending 2 more days going hungry and neither are the kids.

Donti nvite them to.yours they are taking the p. Stuffing thier faces at yours and starving you at thiers.

RubiksQueen · 11/08/2018 21:14

'Appropriate' portions?

A roast potato in my house is about 1/4 to 1/6 of a reasonable sized whole potato.

So you're saying that for an adolescent, a portion of potato is not even HALF a whole potato??

That's just ludicrous. And meat and carb portions aside if you don't fill the rest of the plate with veg then no, I don't count that as appropriate for anyone tbh. A spoonful of sweetcorn is very little.

LoniceraJaponica · 11/08/2018 21:14

"Its not a generational thing at all its a miserable, stingy thing."

I agree. Before MIL developed alzheimers she was a brilliant host, and always made too much food. She didn't have much money BTW. MIL was very much like your relative Willow2017

Birdshitbridgegotme · 11/08/2018 21:14

Go to buy your own food.
Nect time they come to you, dish your plates up as you normally would and give them as little as they are giving you now

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