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Original poster

Ex has bought DS his dream birthday present but he can't bring it home

127 replies

mummytippy · 20/06/2018 13:48

Thoughts on this please... as I have a very upset and disappointed child.

My 11 yo DS has just received his dream birthday present off his dad for his birthday. It's a gaming PC which my DS has told me cost roughly £2K. My DS had asked me to buy this gift but there's no way I'd be able to afford one. When leaving my Exs home last weekend our DS asked if he can bring it to our house (as visits his dad every other week) but was told no, it's to stay there for when he visits.

My DS was so upset he text his dad asking why he can't bring it. The reply was the same, it's to stay there and if he wants one at my house, to ask me to buy one!

My DS is so upset, he says he thinks it's cruel to be bought something he'll hardly be able to play on and said he doesn't want to go again.

OP posts:
SoddingUnicorns · 20/06/2018 13:51

I hate when people do this, it’s so bloody petty. It belongs to your son, it was a gift. His dad is being a dick.

WeShouldBeFriends · 20/06/2018 13:53

It is cruel. No real advice but don't worry about ds seeing you as the bad/poor parent, he will realise very quickly what an arse his father is Sad

mydietstartsmonday · 20/06/2018 13:57

Well I think your son is making up his own mind about his father.
Stay neutral, say your are disappointed for your son, say if you could afford to have one here that he could use you would, but you can't. Give him a hug and say the best present is each other.

What a prick, for both buying an extremely expensive present and then for putting conditions for use on it.

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sashh · 20/06/2018 13:59

It is cruel.

And if dad can spend 2K on a computer to be used only every other week and you can afford it to be used every day he needs to pay more child support.

I would support him if he didn't want to go back.

I bet really this is Dad's new gaming pc that he is allowing ds to use.

KirstenRaymonde · 20/06/2018 13:59

His dad is a twat, that’s all he’s learning here. How old is he? If he doesn’t want to go don’t make him, let his dad see the results of being such a petty arse.

Original poster
mummytippy · 20/06/2018 14:15

Thanks all

I suspect he has maybe bought it for himself but is passing it off as being bought for my DS. It's not his birthday for another couple of weeks so he 'let him have it' early. He's even bought it in my DS's favourite colours.

When my DS returned on Sunday evening he asked me to text his dad to express how he felt. I said he needed to do it as my Ex might feel I was just being arsey. I did need to tect my Ex anyway as for the second time he'd forgotten to give/over see our DS take mediaction he's currently on.

My DS was adamant I text so after my concern about the medication being missed - again, I just asked why was he not allowed his birthday present at my house. The message didn't deliver... and when finally it did after I emailed him to find out was there a problem with his phone... which there was - he'd changed his number and not told me, I then forwarded my message from the previous evening.
I did not get a reply. My DS kept asking... has dad replied yet?...

It was upon me not receiving a reply that my DS then put his dad's new number in his phone and text him direct and got the answer he got.

There is a Court Order in place for contact so although I want to support my DS I'd be breaching the Court Order.

With regard to the child support, it's just been reduced (I have a separate thread on that!).

Thanks again as I'm bearing the brunt of my DS's disappointment which is hard.

OP posts:
NationalEspresso · 20/06/2018 14:18

Your ex is an arsehole. If he wanted to spend money on a gaming PC for your son he'd have got him a decent gaming laptop that he'd be able to transport between houses.

BreakfastAtSquiffanys · 20/06/2018 14:24

Can you password protect these things?
Can DS put a password on so that his dad can't use it during the week?

2 can play the petty game!

Original poster
mummytippy · 20/06/2018 14:25

I wouldn't mind National Expresso... I bought our DS
an HP 1TB Pavillion Laptop 2 years ago. It cost me £399, has a B&O sound/speakers etc... was bought for homework and to run PC games... to go as you say between 2 houses but this is being criticised now by my DS as not up what my son wants!

I don't have a money tree!

OP posts:
Original poster
mummytippy · 20/06/2018 14:27

BreakfastAt...

My DS has said his dad won't be able to play on it as it has only his password on it... that's above my knowledge / or IT expertise!

OP posts:
Aprilshouldhavebeenmyname · 20/06/2018 14:30

Fwiw my ex poured £££££££ into my ds's. They hit teens and are nc with him after deciding they needed a parent.
And he wasn't one!!
Patience op.
Patience.

Aprilshouldhavebeenmyname · 20/06/2018 14:32

My ds once 'accidentally' packed a controller and brought it to mine.
If your ds did the same exh wouldn't be able to play.

But if its actually ds's game it shouldn't matter should it??
Just an idea!

Rikalaily · 20/06/2018 14:35

Look into building him a gaming PC from scratch yourself, it's not very difficult and you can get alot of advice etc online. You could buy the parts one at a time as and when you can afford them and will be much much cheaper than £2k. DH built himself a decent rig for around £600, you can spend alot more on higher end parts but they arn't really needed apart from hardcare gaming.

ZiziJeanmaire · 20/06/2018 14:37

My first thought was that your ex had bought it for himself.

Pleased to see your DS has thought to password protect it.

One word of caution, if he has linked any bank cards or accounts to be able to buy upgrades for his games, please be absolutely sure your ex can't get access, or you may find yours or DS's accounts being used to subsidise the CF!!!

Original poster
mummytippy · 20/06/2018 14:39

It's just a nighmare with gadgets full stop.

My DS left his mobile 2 weeks ago... so no comms when leaving school and one day he missed the bus... this last time he's remembered his mobile but left a 4 way socket there instead.

I don't really want to suggest he accidently packs the controller etc... as I think now my Ex would know my DS hadn't done it accidently.

He just wants his birthday present where he can play on it and doesn't understand the answer he's been given.

OP posts:
Original poster
mummytippy · 20/06/2018 14:43

Rikalaily there's absolutely no way I could afford £600! :-(

OP posts:
Original poster
mummytippy · 20/06/2018 14:44

Also, If I could... my DS doesn't need 2 gaming PCs

OP posts:
AdaColeman · 20/06/2018 14:45

Ex is acting the goat. But it will backfire on him I'm sure.

Original poster
mummytippy · 20/06/2018 15:17

I'm not sure it will back fire on him as my DS can't carry out his threat of not going to see him as there's a Court Order.

I also think as it gets closer to the time he's due to stay, he'll change his mind as he'll want to spend what time he can on this new PC.

I'll just be the one to pick him up again I suppose.

OP posts:
Aprilshouldhavebeenmyname · 20/06/2018 15:20

My ds went nc at 12 despite a court order. Never heard a word from exh.
He did sign a change of school form but had no direct correspondence from him.
At 12 a judge would let dc make their own decision anyway.

Tanaqui · 20/06/2018 15:25

But on the other hand a pc can’t be transported- if it is at your house what will ds play on when at his dads? Tbh I think this is a no win situation- you often hear how chdn are bored at the NPR’s house as their toys and friends are at their main home.

TeeBee · 20/06/2018 15:32

Anything with a base unit will get wrecked by being moved about.

Original poster
mummytippy · 20/06/2018 15:43

Aprilshouldhavebeenmyname

What do you mean when you say your dc went nc please...
no contact?

The Court Order is legally binding so I'm afraid of breaching it.
My Ex would not believe our DS has said he no longer wants to go... he would probably say I've 'brain washed' him.

OP posts:
Spanglyprincess1 · 20/06/2018 15:51

Sorry but I agree with leaving it at parents who bought it.
We struggling with kids having no toys/games here as we have 50% custody but they take all presnets to their moms. We are now saying any presents given here have to stay as the kids are bored else as have limited toys and we never see the gifts again.

Weezol · 20/06/2018 15:56

Court orders can be changed. If DS starts refusing to go to his father's, don't make him. All you have to do it make your son available for contact i.e. Don't be out when dad is due to pick up. You are not expected to drag your son into the car by his ear.

Let X take you back to court. At 12 your son will be interviewed and asked why he doesn't want to go. His views will be taken into account if a variation to the order is granted.

Your X really isn't very clever if he thinks a PC is more important than a relationship with his child. This could backfire on him with life long ramifications.

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