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Original poster

Ex has bought DS his dream birthday present but he can't bring it home

127 replies

mummytippy · 20/06/2018 13:48

Thoughts on this please... as I have a very upset and disappointed child.

My 11 yo DS has just received his dream birthday present off his dad for his birthday. It's a gaming PC which my DS has told me cost roughly £2K. My DS had asked me to buy this gift but there's no way I'd be able to afford one. When leaving my Exs home last weekend our DS asked if he can bring it to our house (as visits his dad every other week) but was told no, it's to stay there for when he visits.

My DS was so upset he text his dad asking why he can't bring it. The reply was the same, it's to stay there and if he wants one at my house, to ask me to buy one!

My DS is so upset, he says he thinks it's cruel to be bought something he'll hardly be able to play on and said he doesn't want to go again.

OP posts:
BoneyBackJefferson · 23/06/2018 23:00

I would be pretty pissed off if someone bought me something I was desperate for and could only use it twice a month.

what is the DS really losing out on?
He has a Xbox, laptop, ipad etcall of whic allow him to play games and do any work required.

And lets be honest here about what will happen if the DS is allowed to take the gaming PC with him. He will get bored of carting it around and it will end up in the OP's house (cos that where he spends most of his time).

TeddyIsaHe · 23/06/2018 23:04

But the whole point of a gift is it’s yours to do what you want with. I’m sure you don’t get given terms and conditions with your Christmas presents as to when and how you use them?

BoxsetsAndPopcorn · 24/06/2018 08:27

I think he's spoilt too and deciding he's not going for contact as he didn't get his own way shows that. I'd be returning the gift after that behaviour.

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11 year olds
BoneyBackJefferson · 24/06/2018 08:42

TeddyIsaHe
But the whole point of a gift is it’s yours to do what you want with.

Within reason, you wouldn't let the child take his ipad to bits or throw his xbox out the window.

If the DS didn't already have a xbox, ipad, laptop at the OP's house then he would have a point, but he already has those things and leaving the pc at his dads would make his life (the son's) a whole lot easier as he no longer has the faff of transporting loads of expensive, breakable kit around.

And I really can't see why the OP isn't trying to explain that to her son.

InfiniteSheldon · 24/06/2018 08:47

His dad's right it's too expensive to move around he has a console at yours support your ex and stop feeding the drama you are not putting your ds first here.

snowsun · 24/06/2018 09:21

A present is something that is given to a person for them to do what they would like with it. Should presents come with conditions attached ?

As a parent it is lovely to watch your child taking pleasure in a gift.

It is also lovely to do the activity together.

How do you strike a balance between giving and sharing the pleasure.

How do you separate your anger towards Dad and what is the right thing to do in this situation.

SneakyGremlins · 24/06/2018 09:34

I have bought myself a gaming PC for a similar amount - and it hasn't moved for two years as it is incredibly bulky! It weighs a ton so I would also suggest it stays where it is.

I'm not saying I disagree with how your DS feels, I understand it, but it simply isn't practical.

I feel like the people saying he can play Xbox or on his laptop don't realise the point of a gaming PC is its powerful enough to run any game, which a laptop certainly isn't and Xbox often isn't. Plus - if I'm giving dad the benefit of the doubt - a lot of games are exclusive to PC so he may have picked a game out especially for him and DS to play when he visits.

We don't know him though obviously. OP does.

Bennietheball · 24/06/2018 09:35

I agree with posters who say it should stay at his dad's.

Your son is 11 and like most 11 year olds knows a lot less than he thinks. An older kid would understand you cant be moving a PC between houses. I think as his parent your job is to explain this to him not fuel the flames by agreeing with him it's so unfair and that he can go NC with his dad...

Your DS has a lot of gadgets already. You say you can't afford £600 but the stuff he already had which you say you bought is worth way more than that!

missyB1 · 24/06/2018 09:45

Your ds sounds a bit entitled and ungrateful to me I’m afraid. He has many expensive gadgets that lots of other children don’t have, and now dad has bought him another very expensive wonderful present, why isn’t he grateful?
At 11 your ds is old enough to understand why that present would be hard to transport and why it would be sensible to leave it at dads.
OP you need to stop any talk of going NC, that’s just drama queen behaviour.

Faithless12 · 24/06/2018 09:48

I’d do nothing. Your son doesn’t sound like a spoiled brat. I’d feel the same way about being bought something I desperately wanted and then being told no you can’t take it home it has to stay somewhere you visit. Your ex sounds like he’s playing games, wanting your DS to spend more time with him by being the fun parent. It’s backfired, for those of you who don’t think he’s doing that what do you think he’s doing dropping maintenance and then spending a horrific amount on a PC for an 11 year old.

Ignore and buy a new game for the Xbox that you can both play.

Slartybartfast · 24/06/2018 09:50

of course it is natural for your ds to feel the way he does.
let it go.
it may break on the journey.

Slartybartfast · 24/06/2018 09:51

Agree I think as his parent your job is to explain this to him not fuel the flames by agreeing with him it's so unfair and that he can go NC with his dad...

moodance · 24/06/2018 09:56

Sorry I don't get it why the ex is being unreasonable here ...

Do you let your DS take items to your ex house?

It's common that the present remains at the parent house ... it's unrealistic to think the PC will be picked up and taken to each parent house ... so your DS see his dad every other week ... any visits during the week?

ICantCopeAnymore · 24/06/2018 09:56

It's HIS present. He should be allowed to have it at HIS home.

Only it's not his, it's his father's.

museumum · 24/06/2018 10:01

The dad has bought it as a joint thing to do together. I don’t think that’s a bad thing tbh. It’s clear from the posts that his dads house is in no way “home” so I think it’s nice to have something there that he enjoys and his dad enjoys too.

BoneyBackJefferson · 24/06/2018 14:35

The child already has a pc at the OP's house, and its notable that in her list of what her DS takes to her ex's house its not there.

Di11y · 24/06/2018 14:45

I know your son is disappointed but your ex has done you a favour really, one less thing to argue with your ds about

Oswin · 24/06/2018 14:52

The ds wants to play with his computer more than twice a fucking month. It could stay in his home where he would be able to actually play it. Its spiteful.

NeedAUsernameGenerator · 24/06/2018 15:06

I don't think his Dad is being unreasonable in this case, it's a very very expensive gift for an 11yo and it's not a portable device so it risks damage in transit, damage at your house, not being returned etc etc. You've already said you couldn't afford to replace it if it got broken at your house so this is probably a blessing in disguise. Perhaps unreasonable to buy it in the first place but DS will still get enjoyment out of it when he's there presumably.

Tinlegs · 24/06/2018 15:09

His teachers will be grateful. We have so many knackered, zombie kids who are up until all hours playing games.

He will be able to use the time to do other things and enjoy the PC in his spare time.

SneakyGremlins · 24/06/2018 15:15

We have so many knackered, zombie kids who are up until all hours playing games.

Which is nothing to do with the PC and everything to do with the parenting.

BoneyBackJefferson · 24/06/2018 17:18

Oswin

He could always go round to his dad's place more than twice a "fucking month".

Interestingly the OP didn't come back to answer that when I asked earlier.

ProfessorMoody · 24/06/2018 18:02

I'm a teacher and I love gaming. Zombie kids are due to parenting not games.

SoddingUnicorns · 24/06/2018 18:42

I agree Professor, my kids love games but they’re not up half the night on them unless it’s a weekend or holiday one off now and again, definitely not on school nights past 7pm (giving them wind down time before bed).

Gamer kids doesn’t = zombie kids. Lazy parents + gamer kids with no limits = zombie kids.

Original poster
mummytippy · 24/06/2018 20:02

It's my ds who says he doesn't want to go to his dad's as he feels he's being cruel 'teasing him' in making him keep it at his house.

His father lives 100 miles / 2 hours drive away so evenings during weekday aren't possible.

My ds has had his iPad since he was 8, the Laptop (for home work) since he 10. Now he's coming up to 12 it's progressed to his dream gift being a gaming PC.

I would have shared the cost of a slightly cheaper gaming PC, had there been comms from my ex, but there were not!

I'm encouraging my ds to visit this forthcoming weekend but he is still adamant he does not want to go.

OP posts: