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Original poster

Ex has bought DS his dream birthday present but he can't bring it home

127 replies

mummytippy · 20/06/2018 13:48

Thoughts on this please... as I have a very upset and disappointed child.

My 11 yo DS has just received his dream birthday present off his dad for his birthday. It's a gaming PC which my DS has told me cost roughly £2K. My DS had asked me to buy this gift but there's no way I'd be able to afford one. When leaving my Exs home last weekend our DS asked if he can bring it to our house (as visits his dad every other week) but was told no, it's to stay there for when he visits.

My DS was so upset he text his dad asking why he can't bring it. The reply was the same, it's to stay there and if he wants one at my house, to ask me to buy one!

My DS is so upset, he says he thinks it's cruel to be bought something he'll hardly be able to play on and said he doesn't want to go again.

OP posts:
Aprilshouldhavebeenmyname · 20/06/2018 16:00

On paper we shared ds's (3) In reality I had to beg for my time. He never had them available for collection / made arrangements for them to be at friend's houses in my time. Seriously tried to poison them against me. Told them at a young age I was a prostitute! Threw ££££ at them when I struggled to provide and was traveling 500 miles a week at one time to adhere to the order. When they got sick of no food in at his house /zero rules /parenting - the younger 2 rang me to collect them +they stuff and just never went back. (12+14).

sashh · 21/06/2018 06:44

I have a really stubborn streak and did as a child. I would be sent to my bedroom and when I was told I was allowed out I would say, very politely, "No thank you, I'm happy in here".

If I was your ds I would go to dad's and ignore the pc because there would be no point starting a game.

I don't tell you this to say this is what ds should or will do, just that you can imagine a 12 year old playing an adult at his own game.

Re the passwords, your son needs to be the administrator.

There are things that ca be done to either stop ds's dad from using or to make it harder for him to use this PC.

Eg assuming it has blue tooth it can be set to automatically lock if your ds's phone is not connected.

AJPTaylor · 21/06/2018 06:53

he is being an arse cos he can.
your son has already spotted the arse like behaviour.
keep supporting him, pay no attention to arse. your boy has to deal with him. support him in this.
at a point ex will suffer the consequences, will no doubt blame you. but he will get what is coming

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

11 year olds
43percentburnt · 21/06/2018 06:54

DS will have a log in. Dad will be the admin. Of course it’s his dads - dressed up as a Disney dad present in his sons favourite colours.

If he doesn’t want to go seek legal advice as he is getting to an age where you can’t just pick him up and force him. The judge will also start listening to his point of view.

Oblomov18 · 21/06/2018 06:55

I disagree with all posted, apart from the latest one, who disagreed too.

I agree that this should remain with the parent who bought it. You can't transport gaming set ups/ x box's between parents, all the time.

Can't you buy a cheaper second hand one? He could have planned and saved toget a cheaper one, his birthday and Christmas money and doing odd jobs if it had mattered THAT much to him.

I totally disagree that the Dh is being a knob/twat. Or that he bought it for himself necessarily. That's a leap of an assumption.

Separated parents. If he spent the money on something then it stays with him for the dc to enjoy with him. Isn't that what happens when parents separate?

Going nc ? Seriously? A teenager wants to game at Home and at his dads? Sounds completely normal. My 2 ds's okay endless fortnite when not out playing football!!

But he wants it so bad it's soured his relationship with his dad and now doesn't want to go? That's not ok.

SouthWestmom · 21/06/2018 07:08

I agree with oblamov.

BoneyBackJefferson · 21/06/2018 07:15

At 11 yrs old its not a surprising reaction to this type of gift, but is he expecting the pc to be lugged about EoW?

Or will it just end up at your place so that his dad never gets to see him play on it.

At 2K I would expect the PC to be water cooled moving it about isn't going to do the machine any good.

RandomMess · 21/06/2018 07:18

I'd be upset about the principal but glad my DS was restricted to only having it for 2 days per fortnight.

If he chooses to go NC you can go back to court however at the moment it may just be a knee jerk reaction Thanks

massivelyouting · 21/06/2018 07:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

massivelyouting · 21/06/2018 07:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

YorkieDorkie · 21/06/2018 07:28

Your ex is an idiot. Now any time your DS visits, all he'll be bothered about is using the PC he hasn't seen in a fortnight. There won't be any time spent together. Unless that's what your prefers of course.

BoxsetsAndPopcorn · 21/06/2018 07:29

It's not a gift that can be easily taken between houses, his dad paid for it so it should remain there.

Your son cutting contact because he can't get his own way after a parent did something nice for them isn't good behaviour. If mine pulled a stunt like that after being bought an expensive gift it would be going back to the store.

Northernparent68 · 21/06/2018 07:39

I’m horrified people are encouraging the op to persuade her son not to see his father, or change the password so his father can’t use it, to be honest I think encouraging a child not to see a parent is a form of child abuse.

sashh · 21/06/2018 07:42

Separated parents. If he spent the money on something then it stays with him for the dc to enjoy with him. Isn't that what happens when parents separate?

My friend's son lived hundreds of miles from his dad, and is now thousands of miles as his father has emigrated.

But he plays MMO games with his dad.

Imchlibob · 21/06/2018 08:01

What a nasty person your ex is revealing himself to be to his son. Obviously you already knew this as he's your ex but it is new to your ds.

Put your ds at the centre of this. Let him know his feelings matter and that you will support him. His dad is clearly not centering ds. It will not end well for your ex but you don't need to do anything to accelerate the demise of that relationship, it will happen by itself.

But as pp say, as and when your ds does feel certain that he doesn't want every other weekend at his dad's, it is absolutely fine for that to be varied he is old enough to express his view.

zippey · 21/06/2018 08:14

I also agree it should stay with the dad. It’s there for when the son visits. Not easily transportable and cost a lot so stays with dad.

Poor dad! A wonderful gesture to have it thrown back in your face. Very ungrateful brattish behaviour. Surely there’s plenty to do at your house?

Fabellini · 21/06/2018 08:38

I think in the long run you’ll be glad that your son is only going to be gaming for a couple of days a week. I can imagine if pc came to your home that you’d be having to chisel him off it to do anything else.

Oblomov18 · 21/06/2018 10:20

Yeah, most ds's aged 10-16, that I know are literally superglued to their x box playing fortnite. Permanently!! Apart from playing dodgeball, gym for older ds, and playing football 3 times a week, my 2 do little else and I have to set limits!!

You don't want THAT, let me tell you!! Grin

Original poster
mummytippy · 22/06/2018 19:06

Thanks for all the comments and opinions I've found them all very interesting.

To those who feel the PC should remain at his dad's... my DS 's point of view is that it's his birthday present so he should be able to have this wherever he wants it. That has been the rule previously. The Xbox, iPad, Laptop and his mobile are transported to his dad's every time he visits. I bought all of these and on occasion they have been forgotten and remained there until the next time.

I feel I must make it clear my ds is the one saying he doesn't want to go again. This is because in his words he said 'It's like teasing him buying him his dream present but not letting him have it'. He doesn't feel he has it because it isn't where he is the majority of the time.

I agree the PC would not travel well and also that if it were here my ds would be on it a lot. That said, I'd monitor the usage whereas my Ex won't and it would be all my ds would do all weekend.

OP posts:
BoneyBackJefferson · 23/06/2018 13:43

The Xbox, iPad, Laptop and his mobile are transported to his dad's every time he visits.

All of these are easily transportable. And given that he has all of these does he really need it at your house?

Maybe instead of seemingly agreeing with your DS you might try and put across that his dad has a point.

Original poster
mummytippy · 23/06/2018 21:42

I know they're all easily transportable, my point was that I'm happy to let these items (which I bought) go with my ds as they're his.

The gaming PC is the one thing he really wants more access to though.

OP posts:
BoneyBackJefferson · 23/06/2018 22:00

mummytippy

The gaming PC is the one thing he really wants more access to though.

And the way to go about that is apparently to go NC with his dad.
Why isn't he asking if he can go around more?

llangennith · 23/06/2018 22:28

Court orders can be changed. If DS starts refusing to go to his father's, don't make him. All you have to do it make your son available for contact i.e. Don't be out when dad is due to pick up. You are not expected to drag your son into the car by his ear.

Let X take you back to court. At 12 your son will be interviewed and asked why he doesn't want to go. His views will be taken into account if a variation to the order is granted.

As Weezol said in a much earlier post.

User0190 · 23/06/2018 22:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TeddyIsaHe · 23/06/2018 22:55

User don’t be such a nasty piece of work. He’s not a spoiled brat, and he’s not throwing a tantrum, merely questioning why he can’t have his own gift. I would be pretty pissed off if someone bought me something I was desperate for and could only use it twice a month.