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Original poster

Please give me advice. (sensitive subject)

490 replies

GlowWorm123 · 31/01/2017 11:02

I have recently found out I am pregnant, unplanned but DP knew we wasn't taking any contraception and happily had sex with me daily. I'd have this baby but he is desperate not too. Realistically, the best thing to do is to terminate but the circumstances we are facing aren't reasons to terminate in my opinion. I am really sorry if this offends anyone, i'm just desperate for advice and absolutely terrified.

If you've read my thread in Pregnancy Choices, you'll have read I had an awful doctors appointment and have been struggling to get advice anywhere. It still hasn't sunk in properly, I don't feel ready to be making such huge decisions that can potentially leave me with everlasting guilt.

DP has now booked me in for an abortion consultation on my behalf (I've never asked him too). He will be pretty much escorting me to my appointments, which I feel obliged to say that I want an abortion.

Is this even allowed? How can another person, make GP/Clinic appointments on behalf of another? What do I do

OP posts:

BrowsOnFleek · 04/02/2017 09:31

GlowWorm just came on to wish you and your baby all the luck in the world.

It's your time to be happy, to put yourself first - all for your baby. You've been so strong through this, it's really admirable.

toastyarmadillo · 06/02/2017 06:56

Thinking of you, so brave and strong! You do what's right for you, bollocks to the cockwomble

OutnumberedbyFurchesters · 06/02/2017 07:22

Just read the full thread.

So glad you have plans to get out for yourself and your baby. Hope this weekend has been OK for you, the end of this cockwomble being in your life is in sight now. Take care of yourself.

balence49 · 06/02/2017 10:32

Hope you are ok op? Wishing you luck.

Nicketynac · 06/02/2017 16:07

I'm looking forward to a nice update on the 9th from SA. Good luck xx

MrsBlennerhassett · 06/02/2017 16:14

Stay strong OP i wish you and your baby a very happy future xx

heateallthebuns · 06/02/2017 19:56

How are you doing?
It must be tough putting up with him till you've gone?
Have you told your mum yet?

MoominMamma3 · 06/02/2017 20:59

Just read the whole thread. A bit worried with no word from the OP in a few days, so hoping she is ok

MidniteScribbler · 07/02/2017 11:34

Has anyone heard from the OP? I hope she's OK.

Original poster

GlowWorm123 · 07/02/2017 11:41

Thank you all for your well wishes and concerns. I've quickly popped on to update you (it's my last day at work, should have really worked a full months notice but they've been very understanding!) I've deleted the app and kept well away from MumsNet, so haven't been able to update there and have been super busy doing my handover.

He won't leave my side, he was absolutely vile to me after my last post and is now being extra nice to me now, which makes my heart ache at what could be. I need to remind myself it's a lie. I wont lie, I have doubted myself a couple of times. But he still doesn't know anything - I feel like i'm going to trip at the final hurdle. Please cross your fingers for me. X

OP posts:

Tenpastlate · 07/02/2017 11:53

Glow I've just read the whole thread, and am in awe of your strength!
Best of luck for tomorrow, and even if he were to find out and try to stop you flying, he still can't force you to stay, or more importantly, to terminate your baby.
He can be as vile as he likes - all he is doing is making your decision to walk away from him even easier 😃

Deranger01 · 07/02/2017 12:01

he's only being nice right now to ensure the outcome he wants, remember the nice face only a strategy to push you around. Good luck - I hope you get to your P, got everything crossed.

iknowimcoming · 07/02/2017 12:15

We all have everything crossed for you - keep strong, and don't be tempted to tell him anything until you're safely on home turf. Best of luck

glintwithpersperation · 07/02/2017 12:28

How are you going to get to the airport without him knowing?

glintwithpersperation · 07/02/2017 12:29

By the way good luck, it sounds like you are well rid of the idiot

MidniteScribbler · 07/02/2017 12:33

Please stay strong, and think about where you want to be in 1, 2 5, 8, 10, 15, 20 years time. Would you rather raise you child on your own and be able to make choices about their upbringing, or do you want to be stuck in a country away from your family, with a dickhead (sorry, can't call him a man) who wants to control you and every single thing that you do?

Get on that plane and go home. Go to where your family are, and there are people who will love and support you. This man is not someone who supports you or who will be there for you. Get away from him while you still can with your child and raise the child around your loving and supportive family.

rumblingDMexploitingbstds · 07/02/2017 12:36

It's not 'niceness' darling, it's a deliberate control strategy. The whole 'teach you a lesson' bit gave me chills, this is not a good or safe man to be anywhere near. So so so glad you're headed out tomorrow and filled with admiration at your guts making this happen.

Not long to go now.

RaisinsAndApple · 07/02/2017 12:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

titihood · 07/02/2017 12:50

Glowworm I read your other thread and had been wondering how you were doing and am so happy to have found you are okay. Your posts are really inspiring and brave and strong, and I have had to fight back a few tears reading them.

Your DP sounds like a very manipulative person. He may be scared of what is happening, but that is no reason to treat anyone the way he has been treating you.

Will be thinking of you tomorrow. x

CwtchMawr · 07/02/2017 12:58

I've followed this since your first post OP and didn't really have anything to say. Now I just want to let you know, you are strong and amazing and you can do this. You will be a wonderful Mum xx
Will be thinking of you tomorrow.

HelpMeHelpDS · 07/02/2017 13:05

I was kinda calendar watching for you, hoping you get to your flight date tomorrow all in one piece.

He's being nice because he knows he's wrong, but they doesn't stop him being wrong, so it's no good to you. I had an ex who was lovely in between trapping me horrifically, but it's just not good enough. That sort of relationship always has its good points but never works. So don't be fooled by it.

Sometimes it's hard to stop yourself hanging on to any signs of good because that's what you thought you'd bought into and you haven't quite caught up with the fact it's not what it first seemed.

A trip with you and your baby across the seas to your family is perfect. Celebrate and enjoy your pregnancy. Move on and very best of luck

TheTantrumCometh · 07/02/2017 13:09

All the best for tomorrow. It'll go fine

Whatstheproblem2 · 07/02/2017 13:17

Please make sure you get the locks changed before you leave. When he finds out that you're gone he may well be so angry that he trashes/destroys the place or squats in it (or allows someone else to).

Give the keys to your friend and ask her to arrange for the locks to be changed by a locksmith during the day on the 8th. Tell the locksmith (or ask your friend to) that if he turns up whilst it's happening to tell him the key broke in it or something and not to give him a copy under any circumstances. He only needs to say that as he doesn't know him/wasn't employed by him so he's unable to give him a copy. Hopefully, that way he won't be too suspicious. The friend could arrange to pick up the keys from the office or he could drop them through her letterbox if she lives nearby. If she's there he may wonder why and why she won't give him a copy of the key.

Your friend can then keep the new keys until you decide what to do with it.

Does he only have a copy of the front door key or more? Obviously, just change the minimum possible, but if you're not sure, don't take any chances.

Stay strong and good luck . Stay safe!

MrTCakes · 07/02/2017 13:21

What an amazing thread. Well done Glow. Good luck tomorrow and enjoy your baby. You are doing what is best for them before they have even been born, you are already a fantastic mother.

AristotlesTrousers · 07/02/2017 13:25

Wow OP, you're amazing!

Good luck for tomorrow.

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