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Original poster

Please give me advice. (sensitive subject)

490 replies

GlowWorm123 · 31/01/2017 11:02

I have recently found out I am pregnant, unplanned but DP knew we wasn't taking any contraception and happily had sex with me daily. I'd have this baby but he is desperate not too. Realistically, the best thing to do is to terminate but the circumstances we are facing aren't reasons to terminate in my opinion. I am really sorry if this offends anyone, i'm just desperate for advice and absolutely terrified.

If you've read my thread in Pregnancy Choices, you'll have read I had an awful doctors appointment and have been struggling to get advice anywhere. It still hasn't sunk in properly, I don't feel ready to be making such huge decisions that can potentially leave me with everlasting guilt.

DP has now booked me in for an abortion consultation on my behalf (I've never asked him too). He will be pretty much escorting me to my appointments, which I feel obliged to say that I want an abortion.

Is this even allowed? How can another person, make GP/Clinic appointments on behalf of another? What do I do Sad

OP posts:
BitchPeas · 03/02/2017 12:51

Definitely tell your parents. Then tell him you've told them, so he knows it's not a secret anymore, he will know he has less control.

DearMrDilkington · 03/02/2017 12:57

Op just tell him you don't want him at yours! Stop letting him control you, his only going to get worse so please end it before he really hurts you.

I'm sorry to be so harsh, but I think most of us on here know how low someone like that will go to get what they want. Don't let him, cut him off before he gets a chance.

Poorlybabysickday · 03/02/2017 13:06

Stay strong, can you make plans from work?

Poorlybabysickday · 03/02/2017 13:07

Is he physically abusive too? This can start during pregnancy so please take extra care

OFFFS · 03/02/2017 13:21

GlowWorm what I meant to say was:
"who have had, first borns that were 'ideal'. "

Sorry.

HelpMeHelpDS · 03/02/2017 14:13

Glowworm you sound awfully trapped, but if you could step outside your situation for a moment and think about how you would counsel one of the girls at work, you'd soon see there are ways to escape. You're in a terrible relationship that is suffocating you, but there is a way out. There is always a way out. And the sooner the better with this awfully controlling man.

I was once in a relationship where the only time I got to myself was in the bath. I sometimes sunk my head under water and contemplated keeping it there just to escape from him. I honestly, stupidly, irrationally, thought it was the only way I could escape.

I had tried to leave but would get 60 missed calls in 25 minutes. I once tried to leave in the car and he leapt on the bonnet as I tried to drive away. I once tried to leave he house and he blocked the door, pushing me hard into the bed.

I had no where to go and felt too proud to ask for help. In the end I left everything there (collected it later) and moved myself out to kip in someone's box room on the floor. Then I could breath again. I then took someone back with me to get my stuff later, once I felt strong enough.

You're never totally trapped. You need to end it now before this awful man engulfs you further.

HelpMeHelpDS · 03/02/2017 14:15

You also have he law on your side and can call the police if you feel stuck.

NoncommittalToSparkleMotion · 03/02/2017 14:36

I just caught this thread and wanted to offer my support. You are doing amazingly in such a terrible situation, and you're only going to get stronger.

Change the locks. Tell him you need space. Call your mum.

FlowersStar

Original poster
GlowWorm123 · 03/02/2017 14:51

HelpMe that is exactly the situation i'm in. The bastard sent me a photo of a coat hanger as a 'joke'.

The abortion clinic called, my appointment for a scan is the 8th at 10am (he'll assume i'm at work so can go on my own! Grin) I'm just using this date to see my baby! I asked at my appointment if they'll show me and they said yes, if it will help me make the right decision. I will tell him a different date.

I have read your messages. Thank you for taking time to respond, it means the world. I've read all your advice and taken it all on board, you've helped me see clearer.

P.S my flight back to Cape Town departs at 21:35 on the 8th. I'm not far from the airport. All booked with works e-mail address as that fucker will go through my phone. My mum doesn't know yet, she doesn't know anything he's done. I am not aborting my baby.

Flowers Halo

OP posts:
NoncommittalToSparkleMotion · 03/02/2017 14:53

Yay! Flowers

averylongtimeago · 03/02/2017 15:01

Good for you! He sounds a bastard, you are well rid of him.
Here's a virtual (((((hug)))) you are being so strong.

iknowimcoming · 03/02/2017 15:04

Good for you Glowworm - it must be such a relief! Can you get his stuff out and get locks changed on the day you go so he doesn't get back in to your parents house after you've gone? Not the top priority but would be good for you not to be worrying about that when you've gone. So pleased for you!

By the way - photo of a coat hanger as a joke?! The man is vile, you are soooooo doing the right thing! Flowers

Gallavich · 03/02/2017 15:08

Wow glow worm you are amazing Flowers

BitchPeas · 03/02/2017 15:10

Well done. That's amazing. The coat hanger pic is vile, what an absolute fucker.

Noodlehair · 03/02/2017 15:11

Oh Glowworm123, just read this from start to finish, wishing you absolutely the best of luck, what a strong and inspirational woman you are. You're going to be a brilliant mum Smile

OFFFS · 03/02/2017 15:18

Whoa! You've been busy!

Am really pleased for you (I am way too over-invested in this thread!)

His 'joke' turned my stomach. It tells you all you need to know.

Please keep us updated. Like I said, way too over invested WinkFlowers

carnationlilyrose · 03/02/2017 15:21

Hi Glowworm, just de-lurking to say well done! I'm so impressed with your strength, you are definitely doing the right thing. Go you! FlowersStar

Original poster
GlowWorm123 · 03/02/2017 15:21

I do feel like a small weight has been lifted, I've confided in my best friend and told her the situation. She's put together this plan for me bless her:

Tomorrow she'll get my passport from me and keep it safe until the 8th. I'll pack a few essentials when I get time/chance too. On the 8th, I drive to her parents and leave my car there (DP knows where she lives and will see my car) she takes me to my scan and pick me up and she'll drop me to the airport. She said she will pre-book a lock smith whilst i'm at my scan.

I've really been fretting about my parents house. I'm in tears, I should have told her sooner. She said 'i'll bring some apple juice and wine glasses and we can clink glasses at the airport' bless her. Grin

Now to keep it all under wraps from that bastard.

OP posts:
Original poster
GlowWorm123 · 03/02/2017 15:22

OFFFS you've really helped, thank you so much xx

OP posts:
mm81 · 03/02/2017 15:28

Another lurker here!
I am so pleased for you glow.. massive well done and congratulations on your baby xxxx

octoberfarm · 03/02/2017 15:29

De-lurking too to say that you are absolutely incredible. Wishing you all the luck in the world and a brilliant life for you and your baby back in SA! Flowers

iknowimcoming · 03/02/2017 15:30

So pleased you've been brave enough to tell someone in real life - well done, sounds like everything is falling into place!

HelpMeHelpDS · 03/02/2017 15:35

HelpMe that is exactly the situation i'm in.

Then, like me, you will look back on this one day and wonder how on earth you thought you were so trapped. The freedom you feel to start is like lifting an elephant off your neck. Really liberating. But yet we love these men too, which can at first pinch a bit. However I am now married with two beautiful children and it's all a distant memory now.

So glad you confided in your friend, that was a brilliant move. What a fab friend to think of all the finer details like that for you. You deserve the best and I'm sure you'll be absolutely fine when the dust has settled

ohfourfoxache · 03/02/2017 15:39

Oh Glow that coat hanger has just made me cry Sad

He's a bullying, nasty, manipulative, sadistic, good for nothing arse wipe Angry

How fucking DARE he send you that? Angry

Your friend sounds like an absolute gem, could she stay with you for the weekend?

ENinthePWert · 03/02/2017 15:45

Look at it less as running home to Mum and more locating yourself in the midst of family who love and will support you.
Does your partner have contact details at all for your family in SA?
[Message edited at the poster's request]